It's a very interesting phenomenon. There is mutual consent for a ONS but if a guy is dating a girl for 2 years and she tells him that she had 7 ONS, he would generally feel that she was USED. Logic tells us it shouldn't be like that, both partners enjoyed but still there is something deeper than this that tells men that she was used. Why is that happening? Any ideas what generates this feeling of a girl being used no matter she agrees to have sex?
There can be a mutual consent for ONS and still the girl to be used as in guys get more pleasure and benefits out of ONS wheres the girl would feel guilty/used/ashamed/weird. Also if we accept that girls are programmed to search for serious relationships and choose only one man who's worth it, then ONS don't make sense at all, so it makes them look used when having ONS.
Thus we can conclude : Girls who have many ONS are not in tune with their deepest selves and generally there is something wrong with them. Girls who had 1-2 ONS and felt bad about it are okay, and it can be taken as a mistake done and lesson learned.
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The answer comes down to sociosexual orientation. (I wish there was a less clumsy word for that - think instead of saying homosexual, you can just say gay.)
Anyway, sociosexual orientation is a pretty much unchanging element of your nature just like:
- sexual orientation
- gender identity
Sociosexual orientation defines ones comfort with casual sex. Two outcomes are possible for sociosexual orientation:
- sociosexually restricted
- sociosexually unrestricted
Unrestricted people are cool with casual sex:
- they see sex as purely physical (sex is sex)
- the separate emotions and sex
- they tend not to bond with a partner
- they commonly engage in one night stands
- they start having sex at a younger age
- they engage in sexual activity earlier in a relationship
- they tend to have high number of sexual partners
- they are accepting of high numbers for their partner's
Restricted people largely reject casual sex
- they hold the romantic view of sex (sex contains physical, emotional, and spiritual components)
- they tend to bond with their partners (and value that this happens)
- they see casual sex as missing something essential
- for them, one night stands are all but out of the question
- they strongly prefer to have sex inside a committed relationship
- they have a smaller number of sexual partners
- they prefer their partners have a small number too
- they need their partners to have similiar values regarding sex.
Currently, the mix of sociosexual orientations in the US are as follows:
The important things to know about sociosexual orientation are these:
- know your own orientation
- only seek relationships with those who match you orientation
So, to answer your question:
I would not regard a woman who has had numerous one night stands as being used or damaged. Instead, her actions identity her as being a poor match for me in a relationship. This is true just as surely as a gay man would also be a poor match for me as I'm a heterosexual male. As it happens, I'm sociosexually restricted. I've had exactly 1 one night stand in my adult life. Despite the fact that it was a good experience, I never repeated the act. All the other sex that I've had, I've had in the context of a relationship.
Simply put, it is possible for someone to be wrong for me without being wrong themselves.0
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