What do you do if kissing terrifies you?

So I've been dating this guy for almost a month and it's the first real relationship I've ever been in. I have an anxiety and panic disorder so I freak out a lot over stupid things like being late and talking in front of people. Last week he kissed me for the first time. He knows I've never even held another guy's hand, so he's very understanding about my issues. Anyway he probably choose the worst way to do a first kiss. We were cuddling and watchin Netflix which turned into spooning. Then with no warning he started kissing my ear and I tried to sit up cause I was freaking out. I think he thought I was rolling over cause he got on top of me and started kissing me all over my face until he reached my lips. I froze in fear thinking it was heading in a different direction. I tired to tell him to stop but I couldn't speak so I ended up just laying there frozen with fear. He stopped after kissing me on my lips thankfully. Since then he has kiss me on two other days. The second we were sitting and it scared me but I ended up kissing him back that time. Yesterday however he kiss me 3 different times the first two times were scary but I kissed him back anyway. The third time he tried to makeup with me hard core getting on top of me again kissing me all over my face and neck and even biting my lip which made me laugh, but the longer he kissed my the more frighten I got until it turned into a panic attack. Which if you don't know what it's like having a panic attack it feels like you're having a heart attack, you can't breathe, you start hyperventilating, and shaking. After that he took me home and I cried for 3 hours cause I felt terrible for freaking out. We talked about it afterwards and we're gonna stick with single kisses for now. I just want to know if anyone else has had this problem cause no matter how hard I try to relax and enjoy it I can't. Also he is not the problem I really like him and I am aways happiest when I around him except when we are kissing.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're getting overwhelmed from kissing you may not be ready to do that stuff

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The best advice I can give to you is to just relax and enjoy the intricately blissful sensations of kissing. Lets break it down logically: Kissing is not the end of the world. The Earth will still keep turning :P The kiss won't magically reverse or negatively change the relationship. So don't put this crazy pressure on yourself. Be gentle, patient, and gracious with yourself. Don't expect yourself to be a master as a beginner who's still learning. The more you adopt this connection the more those anxious nerves will transform into eager excitement. :)

    Confidence is a superpower. It makes us feel like we can achieve the impossible like moving mountains. If you want to gain a certain type of experience or know of a certain result, then you absolutely have got to be confident, self-loving, self-appreciating, and let your passions overwhelm your fears. Trust me, I will not steer you wrong ;)
    So next time, instead of being so anxious and letting nervous thoughts bounce around in your mind, focus on enjoying the unique shape of his lips, let your hands innocently roam and admire his physique, gently exploring his chest or the unique curve of his jawline. Graze your fingers on the back of his scalp just above his hairline like wind tracing through a field of tall grass. Really lose yourself in the moment. Submerge yourself into the chemistry you two have and emphasize on elevating the sensations rather than being paralyzed and too afraid to explore the potential. Good luck!

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    • If you feel yourself getting shy, make it a cute, adorable, charming moment by shly smiling then burying your face in the crook of his neck. Or if the face to face thing freaks you out, then kiss along his shoulder or upper arm.

What Guys Said 3

  • I was anxious at first myself, but after my first kiss it passed. Also, speaking as someone who has had social anxiety it sounds like you have a really bad case and should consider both therapy and medication.

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  • you should let him know, its ok to be nervous but dont let him get to aggressive, i understand how bad it can be , dont feel bad , try some anxiety videos on youtube there's a yoga one i find helpful

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  • Give more blow jobs to make up for not kissing

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What Girls Said 1

  • i think its great that you are very open with him and that you're talking to him about how this is affecting you and that he is very understanding.

    i haven't really dealt with this kind of anxiety so i don't know how helpful my suggestions are or if i'm even hitting close to what you're talking about... but here goes.
    i think small single kisses are a great first step. maybe you could dedicate time for just you and him to slowly and purposefully kiss. like talking about him kissing you and he moving forward to kiss you and then you talk about how that made you feel and if you feel comfortable and up to it, try him coming to kiss you twice that time. like maybe if its very focused and purposeful and safe you will feel calmer? also maybe try you initiating a kiss and taking control?

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