Girlfriend wants to wait till marriage. in our late 20's already, what to do?

Met a great gal and started casually dating for a couple months. Things got serious and she let slip that she's 26 year old virgin due to her religious beliefs and she wants to wait till marriage because she feels it'll shame her conscious. I'm 28 and told her that I won't dare date a girl long term if there's no sexual activity and intimacy. She said she wasn't willing to do anything sexual so I'm at odds. During our dates, things would get hot and heavy and she would end up naked on top of me grinding away, but then shut down altogether if there was anymore and I got frustrated.

i called off the dating because of the teasing and told her I didn't want to get more emotionally invested if my girlfriend teased me, yet rejected me 24/7 because of beliefs. A week later out of the blue she called me asking if we couldn't compromise and we talked a bit. I started seeing her again to see if the attraction/feelings was still there, but still weary because of that exact issue. We've been dating again and I've gave her multiple orgasms through oral and fingers, but she keeps telling me she's not comfortable doing it to me. I feel really frustrated and have told her this again. I don't want to break it off because of this, but I think sex is a huge factor and brings closeness for me into the relationship.

I truly have feelings for her but it feels like I'm digging my grave. At my age sex is a norm in any healthy relationship and I can't go 65% of the way and cut off the rest of my urge. She blue balls me every time :-(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • okay, first of all right now, YOU are being the jerk. She is clearly not comfortable with you or anybody sexually interacting with her. If you really love her you would wait a thousand years untill she is ready. And if you really loved her you would respect her decisions and not matter if you werent or were sexually active. If sex is all you care about, clearly she is too good for you, she knows that she can love someone without having sex. Obviously she can live without having sex, and still love you. She knows that closeness doesn't only revolve around sex. And you may say that its different with guys and girls , and it sort of is. The only difference is that girls have more self control than guys do.

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    • Bullshit. Utterly toxic bullshit.

    • Hmm. Me being a jerk? I don't understand the whole if I really loved her, thrn Id wait forever till she's ready... I'm not forcing her to do anything nor am I telling her lied to get her in bed. im catholic and I just don't understand what that piece of paper saying were married does for sex. If we loved each other before marriage thrn that wouldn't be enough?

Most Helpful Guy

  • This sort of question makes less and less sense as I get older. Was married for a dozen years, then divorced, then met and have been with a great partner for upwards of a decade. We're not married and have no plans to. I have little urge to go through that again, ans she really doesn't want to -- in no small part because her home culture is so insistent that a woman is nothing without a man (I've met people from her home town; where old men will ask a husband about the wife in the third person while she's standing there... ugh). Better to avoid that whole mess. Are we waiting for marriage to have sex? Don't be daft.
    I can only assume the asker's girlfriend regards virginity as having some intrinsic value before marriage. Nope. It is what it is: inexperience, innocence, and ignorance. True love does not somehow replace self-knowledge, and getting married to someone with no idea if you're even capable of providing for each other is profoundly stupid. Only zealots and idiots would marry a virgin.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think you're wrong for feeling the way that you do. If her conscience won't allow her to, you can ask her about what her virginity means to her and how you respect her, but how much you want to connect with her and get closer to her.
    The fact that you don't want to break it off because of this is wonderful.
    She's not teasing you on purpose to tease you, and is likely very torn by her desires and her upbringing as well as her internal life.
    But please, if you know for certain you don't want to marry her, don't take her virginity.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I think she was wrong for not saying this from jump. I'm sure she has lost a few decent men so withheld this info for selfish reasons.

    However she didn't say the second time around she would let you fuck her she said to COMPROMISE. So then came the oral and the fingering. She will probably do more things like suck your dick maybe but sex is out. So if that's what you want it's time to cut bait.

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    • I still don't get whst that piece of paper means in a womans eyes. Sex is crazy intimate for sure, but dating has changed since 40 years ago. If I'm not having sex within the first 3 months Id feel like the attraction isn't there. Can't tell if there's sexual compatability and that'd cause huge issues down the line

  • Break up with her, and don't go back. You should not have to marry her to in order for her to get you off. The selfish bitch lies back enjoying orgasms supplied by you while citing 'can't, because Bible'.

    I was in a similar situation once, with a girl who wasn't letting Jesus cockblock me but would be extremely hot and heavy (clothing removed or unfastened, touching each other intimately) and would then shut things down before it went too far because it was too soon, even though she kept saying how attractive she found me and was gasping and moaning and grinding against me. After she did it on two separate occasions, I ended things with her. Life is too short for this sort of bullshit.

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  • That's what happens when u don't talk out sex in the beginning of the dating process. Now you're stuck either breaking up with this girl that u like, or going sex-less.

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  • You have one, very clear decision to make - Marry her, or dump her.

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