We both got out of long term relationships, and started seeing each other, we were AMAZING together, moved really quickly, and he was so happy until my ex kissed me and I didn't tell him about it. he looked to his ex girlfriend to "comfort" him and realized he still loved her. he broke up with me but had promised to go to an important upcoming dance with me. she won't get back together with him and he claims to be having trust problems so he doesn't wanna be with anyone, what can I say to get him to A come to the dance and B give me a chance even though he thinks he needs to "do this alone"? PLEASE HELP.
How can I get a guy to date me again?
What Guys Said 2
Well first… I’d like to ask you a question…. You said you got out of a long term relationship. How long was the relationship? And then how long before did you start dating this other guy? The reason I ask those questions is, because sometimes when you get out of a relationship in which you were in (a long term), you start to look for that someone to fill in that gap that you lost. That’s why some of the experts say you should be out of a relationship for a period of time, because then were not looking for the wrong reasons to get back into one. We try to find those tendencies in which we loved, and had for so long.
The second part of what caught my eye, was the fact that you two moved really quickly. I wonder why that was? Why so quickly after you got out of a long term relationship? I think that’s what you have to look deep down inside yourself, and find out why your getting into something else.
I say love never happens quick, it happens gradually. There’s always steps in order for love to be grounded, and concrete. I think people tend to loose sight of what friendship is. When you two move quickly, how do you start to get to know him, what you like about him. Rather than looking at the hole package, why not open it up, and see if you like it or not.
People rather quickly get into something than face there feelings head on of what happened before. Because fist it’s being upset of what happened, and then feeling inadequate that were not good enough for that person, then feeling sad, and depressed, feeling lonely. Why go into something else when all those emotions are clouding what were really feeling.
It’s like when were mad at someone. Sometimes at that point we need to calm down, and asses the situation before we talk to the person were mad at. So at that point it’s the same situation for you. You need to step back, rather than taking giant leaps ahead of yourself. You have a lot of feelings that are going through you right now. It sounds like your not sure what you want, because of kissing your ex, but then having feelings for the other person as well.
You should stop, asses what your going through. Make sure your not going into something else, because you feel alone or what ever the core feeling is. We all want that person in our lives to make us whole, but who makes us whole is ourselves. It’s like what I’ve told many of my friends…. “You can have the house, the kids, the husband, the car, the job, but what makes you happy is within yourself“. So find some time to really look at who you are, and find the reasons why you want this person back in your life. I was reading something recently of why people brake up. And the number one reason is, because of attraction. Of course there are others, the lack of communication, but then lack of intimacy is usually the biggest problem we all have, and if you don’t have the attraction + the love within that person, then you don’t have very much things to go on.0
a little more to add:
So, find that core issue of what’s going on within yourself, because quiet frankly your moving to fast for your own good, and that’s why you kissed your ex, and that’s why the other guy you like has trust issues with you is because you didn‘t tell him what was going on with your ex, and because you keep moving to fast. Slow down, and take steps, rather than those leaps…..
And the only why back into the other guys life is to show him your grounded within yourself. I know I wouldn’t go back to someone else that was kissing her ex. I would wonder what the core issue of what she has been feeling, and tell her to take things slow, and make sure that what you want for me is what you really want.0
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