How long did it take for your boyfriend to open up to you? How long did it take for you guys to open up to your gfs?

I'm dating a seemingly rather closed off guy. I can't seem to get him to open up much to me. How long did it take for your guy/or you to open up to talking more about yourself?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've only been with my girlfriend two months now but I have been pretty open and honest with her from the beginning. Well we didn't really share much at first but I ended up bonding with her mum quite a bit and opening up slightly about my past and insecurities, in some detail, not a lot though.

    But when my girlfriend seemed quiet a little at the beginning and I was blaming myself, she was assuring me everything was fine and not to worry, so I just told her a little of my past and how I am a little insecure. I thought that would put her off me because girls like guys who are secure, but she's stuck by me so far. I only really went into massive details last week with her about what my ex did and how she hurt me and why sometimes I get paranoid about things. She seemed understanding and assured me everything is honestly fine.

    Although she's slow at opening up really but I can see things slowly coming out so I guess as long as I am open with her about myself and leave her to tell me in her own time, then she will eventually :P

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I had a similar problem, my guy is also a childhood friend but we met after a long time (he's my crush) at start we was the coldest closed off person that I've ever met. The way to open a guy like him would be to be open yourself at first, put all off your trust in him if your confident in staying with him. Once you become quite open with him, like share your feelings (be honest) ask him what he likes etc.. Also sex deepens trust and try adding a little range of ideas such as cosplay, if that still fails. Ask him what really bothers him and how you could deepen the trust you have for each other, personally I went to a really scary ghost house, what was funny was that my guy was scared and held my hand or he had motion sickness but tried keeping cool in front of me, that was cute but he opened up a little bit more after that expierence. I'll be happy to answer your questions and goodluck 😊

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    • what is cosplay?

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    • I will keep that in mind... he usually ends up taking his clothes off and then I just take off mine haha

    • Well u can always message me for sharing ideas, I would love that

What Guys Said 22

  • with my girl it was pretty quick , she was very easy to talk to and made me very comfortable. she was interested in getting to know me , both the good as well as the bad

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  • I've never fully opened up to my girlfriend because the real me is relatable to guys stuff and my boys understand why I've done certain things. Guys gnerally know girls have sensitive ears so he'll hide things he's worried will set u off. His best freind will know all his problems but you'll know a select few. That's because my freinds can understand the way I think and think more rationally without going emotional straight away. If I told my girlfriend the things I tell my boys she'd probably judge me whereas my mates dont they insult me as a joke and forget about it. But girl's change there behavior around u. I once told my girlfriend about how I once fancied my sister when I hit puberty she got upset and didn't think rationally instead started accusing me of still fancying her theN went mad. I tell my boys the same thing and they give criticism but it's not aggressive and they joke but at the end of the day they share there experiences whereas a girlfriend can't provide that for me so I dont tell my girlfriend everything even thou she begs to know my darkest secrets.
    You have to make your boyfriend comfortable in order to get him to open up. Whatever he tells u dont bitch. My girlfriend bitches so I dont tell her anything weird about me or something that might set her off

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    • he doesn't have any friends... he doesn't like... believe in having them? how do I make him comfortable to open up? I guess he's told me he feels bad about his weight, his dad wasn't nice to him... but other than that he doesn't say much. I ask about what he was like as a child or while he was growing up and I get I don't know.. or I get "so were you in trouble a lot and he's like maybe. what did you do? I don't know..."

  • I always thought that none cared about my thoughts, and honestly, why would they? Why would someone want to hear about my problems and my feelings? I felt like it was better just to keep it all to myself, and not bother anyone else with it. I was not used to have anyone to talk to about that, as guys are not "supposed" to talk about that stuff with each other.

    I think it took me about a month or so after getting toghether with her to open up in this way, as that was when I realized that she actually cared about my thoughts. It was nice to have someone that was genuinely interested in hearing what you had to say, and not being afraid of being called a pussy for having feelings and expressing them. I miss that...

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    • isn't that the point of a relationship? to share thoughts and feelings? I wouldn't judge my boyfriend at all for sharing his thoughts. he shares his negative thoughts... maybe he has a lot? he talks about how he's a lot better than other people.. but sometimes I think it's a front for insecurity.

  • I have been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half and it took me almost that long to really open up. I'm a drawn back sort of person, so I have to REALLY trust someone to open myself up to them. It was difficult for her to understand, but it's just how I am. I slowly opened up to her and now I am comfortable telling her anything.

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    • did she say anything to you? How did she encourage you to open up?

    • She did tell me she was concerned, but it didn't phase me too much. She would ask questions and I wouldn't give answers, and she would ask me to think about them so that, when the time comes, I can give her the answers. She asked, but didn't push for me to answer right away.

    • ah okay, so pretty much the same

  • Not long to be honest, just kind of hit it off. Been together ever since.

    Sometimes you get lucky others not so much, I'm just thankful I found a nice girl for me. We basically have the same interests as well, so I guess that played a factor in our relationship.

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    • yeah we have a ton in common... but I never get opinions or reactions out of him.

  • Im not a girl by any means but im the same way as far as being a guy around girls. I found if the girl starts talking about random funny stuff about herself i can open up and admit equally or even more funny/stupid stuff I've done.

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    • yeah! see, that's what I hope for. I find that when I DON'T ask questions... he is more likely to tell me things about himself.

    • ask a question by explaining yourself in the question that works well with me like ask the question and launch off on your own experence.

    • interesting... so I could say like so when I was a kid I really liked to I don't know play in the rain, what about you? haha

  • I start feeling comfortable enough to open up arter dating for a few months. But not until after she already opened up, herself.

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    • ah, yeah, I've tried to be super open. one time I told him something super personal and I was like yeah I've never told anyone that and he went "then why did you tell me?"

  • It took me 2 years to her about some, and it is 12 years now and she still doesn't fully know me yet. Women get bored of men they know too much about. But she tells me most of the things that she went through in her past and her present within the 6 years out of the 12.

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    • is there anything I can do to encourage him to open up more quickly?

    • No when he's ready; don't nag/push him to that is the worst thing you can do, he'll let you in on his terms not yours.

  • 404- error girlfriend not found. piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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  • It only took me a few weeks to open up to both of my ex gfs

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  • I struggle with closed up people , especially if they say that they never suffered any abuse of any kind. So why is it hard for them to open up , that scares me , but that just me

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  • Some people are naturally a bit more closed off than others, but if he never shows vulnerability and becomes open ask yourself is this the type of relationship I want to be in.

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  • took me at least a year to open up. Once i felt comfortable with her.

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  • 6 months... bad relationships in the past

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  • It's not about time. Trust can be built over days or years. Share something with him and see if he gives back.

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    • he doesn't... one time I told him something very personal and I said "wow I've never told anyone that" and his response was "well why did you tell me?"

  • Took me around 6 months, she used it to shit all over me, I will never trust a woman again.

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    • woah! that's awful. 6 months seems like a long time for me to wait, but I guess that's okay.

  • Why would we wanna do that?

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  • A couple weeks at most should see some improvement. I gotta say props to all the girls who have the patience and persistence to crack a closed guy's shell. Not many are willing to do it and that always turns me off from people.

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    • yeah we've been dating almost 2 months now, but we see each other 4-5 a week.

    • Have you noticed any improvement at all? Have you tried talking to him honestly about it? I was the same with my first girlfriend, but over time I opened up and definitely within a year I was completely loose and open with her like I always knew her.

    • yeah, maybe a bit of opening up. he talks about himself the most when he's not stressed and when I'm not asking... but his job is super high stress so... he hardly opens up

  • I think it's foolish to open up to women. No good ever comes of it, but plenty of negativity can follow (and it often does).

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  • 1 second, lol, no, I dont know, it's however long it takes. Don't rush him, yo

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  • Dated my ex for 10 months.
    She never really opened up to me, even when I asked about her, or her history, so in return I never opened up past a certain point with her, either.

    Been with my current girlfriend for 9 months.
    Been completely transparent with each other since day 1. The only questions we don't answer are the ones we're too embarrassed to ask, (IE: exes, sexual history, kinks, etc) which of course progressed as we were together longer.

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    • oh ha. see I know all of his sexual kinks, we've already given our numbers of partners, we've talked briefly of ex's. he just doesn't talk to me openly about how he feels on a daily basis.

  • People vary a lot... I have the unfortunate habbit of remaining completely closed off untill the relationship gets really rough (be that months or years), then becoming so emotionally open the girl rejects me as needy and obsessed with my own emotional state. This seems to not be as uncommon as you would hope.

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    • huh interesting. I think he's afraid to get attached so he doesn't share his inner world.

What Girls Said 17

  • We were pretty weird about that. We became best friends before dating so we sort of bonded over how both of us had been cheated on by our exes, after overall pretty toxic relationships. After we started dating, I was super open about who I'd had a thing with prior to that ex. He let me know what and who he'd been with too so... open lines of communication from the start! :)

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  • I don't know it happens naturally they don't dump it out they mention bits and pieces along the way like a trail to their heart. I dated a guy 9 months he had a ton of baggage I knew most of it the first three months. Drug addict mom dad abandoned him mom did crazy shit at sex parties that he witnessed. He rIsed himself he slept on the beach he tended weed fields for money as a little kid for clothes. His first girlfriend story his brother his deep thoughts his dreams his plans for us. The times he moved a bunch because of his mom's paranoia. He had s bunch of shit on his plate. He became a marine and had a very successful upper class lifestyle and he is following his dreams staying in touch with me along the way. The only thing he never really said was why we broke up and I only really understand that now. His mom threatened suicide thinking he lived me more. It was too hard to share that because he was torn between living me and being there for his mom,

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    • true he does give me bits and pieces but it's very infrequent.

  • Neither of us are super emotional but we've generally been pretty open about ourselves and our feelings since early on.. like within the first couple months we were quite comfortable being open with each other about stuff.

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  • It took me less than a week with my boyfriend! We are so open about everything and now we are doing completely fine. Whenever I feel something wrong, I tell him right away and so does he.

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  • My boyfriend took a while after a few months he opened up but it wasn't until like 6 months in that he told me stuff he never told anyone else before. Same with me though

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  • @MarkyyG123 hahaa we opened up to each other pretty quickly :")

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    • Hahaha yeah, it was pretty quick, I guess that's because we were best friends and knew each other pretty damn well huh hahaha :") <3

  • We were best friends for a year before we started dating so it didn't take time at all.

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    • aw that always helps!

  • It took like 4 months for me, I started being more open and I think that started to make him more comfortable

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  • almost a year :)

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    • wow. what did you do to encourage him?

  • About a 2-3 weeks. .. lol

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    • hmm how do I encourage him?

    • I usually try to help him on his personal family problems and give him a lot of love and care...

    • yeah this one has a ton it seems.

  • My guy kinda opened up on the first date some guys are different

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    • yeah he tells me some things... just not a ton. he's said he feels bad about his weight, his dad wasn't real involved... but more than that he doesn't share. esp not on a daily basis. he just wants to lay around and watch tv with me it seems, but never wants to talk.

    • He could be sorta shy that's probably why

  • Same here, I am dating a guy who doesn't seem to open up much. I ask him questions and tell him things, but he seems to not want to talk about things himself. I thought about him being shy, I thought about him just not ready to tell me about his life. He did tell me one thing and he literally just broke down and he didn't tell me much after that. I'm just guessing that he doesn't want me to see him like that.

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    • yeah exactly! I ask questions and he either shrugs or goes maybe or I don't know.

  • Years. This Isn't something that's easy for some people

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  • People that can't open up usually end up cheating because they turn to other methods to fix their issues instead of confronting you directly. Be wary of this. No long term relationship can survive without emotional connection and completely open communication.

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  • It depends on what your definition of open up is. Maybe you are insecure or self absorbed and not realizing that he is actually opening up to you

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    • maybe we need different things emotionally. the other day I said I felt like I was going to throw up and he said "okay." nothing else... I told him something very personal, something I'd never told anyone else and he was like "Why did you tell me that then?"

  • I'm a very closed off girl. It's taken me 2 years to barely let him in.

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  • My ex was my friend, therefore he had already opened up to me.

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