What does it mean when guys only want to have friends with benefits relationships with you?

Tonight the fivth guy I dated in the last six months told me that he only wants to have a friends with benefits relationship with me. They seem to have a really good time when they are with me. I guess they could be pretending to get in my pants but they take me out on many dates. I only had sex with one of them before he asked me to be his friends with benefits. I am properly dressed and not exposed in all my social media pictures. What am I doing wrong? Is it because I am boring, ugly or just bad luck? Why would you tell that to a girl who has never had sex with you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're 25, so I assuming you're dating guys in their mid-to-late 20s. While you'll find some guys in that age range being more mature than average and more interested in a relationship, the majority are still in the "having a good time" and not ready to "settle down" period of their lives. The more attractive and confident they are, the more true this is, by the way.

    I would say that there is nothing wrong with you, but *something* is wrong with you - probably just not what you imagine. Essentially, you are "shopping in the wrong store" - the kinds of guys you are trying to get with aren't the ones likely to want a relationship, and so you are failing for the same reason you'd fail if you were trying to find a high-end designer dress in Walmart.

    "Relationship guys" tend to be less outgoing, and less social, so you tend not to meet those guys at bars, clubs, parties, etc. - they tend to stay home. The guys you are more likely to meet, and find exciting and attractive, are the same guys who use their attractiveness to allow them to sleep around. They don't want to be tied down to one girl when they can have sex with several, and not have to "date" any of them - which means they don't have to pay for dates, go to events they don't care about, or meet parents and families - they are getting laid, but are still FREE.

    The "relationship guys" you'd probably find boring and plain, and for that reason, they don't get girls easily, but that's what makes them value a relationship with a girl a whole lot more.

    The other thing is: you have to properly advertise yourself too. That means you have to make it clear, from Day 1 with any new guy, that you are a "relationship girl" and that, while you love sex, you never, EVER have sex outside of an official committed relationship. Yes, of COURSE that means that as soon as you make that clear, many guys are going to almost instantly lose interest in you. You have to be okay with that, no matter how attracted to him you might be. The guys who are still interested are FAR more likely to be interested in a relationship and much less likely to try to friends with benefits you.

    If you come across as a person for whom friends with benefits would be acceptable, you're much more likely to have guys treat you that way.

    Bottom line: you need to be looking at either older guys (in their 30s, etc.) who are more ready for something serious, or at the less exciting/attractive guys your age who will value a relationship.

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    • try using tinder or meeting guys at gyms or meetup groups.

    • Tinder is the worst option - Tinder is about hookups (ONS/FWB) and NOT about relationships.

      The best way to meet people is to expand your own social circles (meet your friends' friends, and then meet THEIR friends, etc.) and meet people organically that way. The second-best way is to seek out groups of people who enjoy doing the things you enjoy, and then do those things with the group (s). Even if it takes a while to meet someone, you're still doing something you already enjoy.

      If you try to meet someone on a dating site, you need to realize from the beginning that 98% of people aren't going to be a good match. That's going to "feel" like failure, but it isn't - it's just basic compatibility, and by filtering out 98% of potential matches (including many attractive ones who are interested in you), you are using the service the right way.

Most Helpful Girl

  • A guy who claims "I only want FWB" is the guy who wants to continue to have a great sex life, while he's looking for the right girl he wants a relationship with. He basically wants to use you for the sex and company, but not have the commitment so he can continue to look out for other girls who he wants to have a full-on relationship with.

    Look. Don't waste your time and give up the best parts of you, to a guy who is treating you like his OPTION instead of his priority. I certainly wouldn't settle for anything less then a man who treated me like a queen! No guy deserves my amazing pussy if he's just using it while he's scouting out his future wife!!!

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    • But... you're getting sexual pleasure as well! Do u not enjoy sex?

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    • @MrOracle

      Some women are built to enjoy sex with no strings... but their numbers are few.

      I was asking if @MichelleJustAsking was one of those few female specimens or not.

    • @Prof_Don yeah, I kind of figured. Still made a good example, though. :)

What Guys Said 34

  • A guy asking for friends with benefits is not being critical of you. He's being honest, believe what he's saying to you.

    friends with benefits is not a reliable path to a committed relationship. Stick to your guns and pass on any guy that won't meet your needs for commitment.

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  • He only is looking to be your friend just for sex only , nothing more that is all

    It's not cause of your appearances , he only is attracted to the sex you can give him

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  • Honestly, a lot of guys just don't want commitments. They just want to be able to sleep with whoever they want to without being tied down. I personally have never understood that mentality but in my experience from female friends I have that have had that issue, it's little just so they can sleep with who they want. Obviously if that's all they want from you then they aren't right for you in the first place.

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    • smh. How do you spot these guys? They seem normal. Is there a particular characteristic that attracts them?

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    • Were not hiding our intentions. If we were we wouldn't ask. All I want is sex when I want it thats all. I don't want a relationship. Not interested in kids or marriage. No strings attached. If the woman isn't interested thats cool too, good day.

    • That works if you are up front about that in the beginning. However this seems like a situation where she thought more was going on because this didn't happen over the course of one or two nights. So I applaud you if you are one of the guys that makes intentions known from the start. HOWEVER, a lot of guys do pull this on without telling their intentions. So I don't think it's the a really good idea to put yourself in that group as you did by saying We're and we. You don't speak for all Male's out there bro and at our age we both know that guys do this quite a bit.

  • He's just a stupid dick, tell him to fuck off. That's all he deserves anyway.

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  • It's just bad luck, he probably just wants sex. You're not the problem here.

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  • Its because the guts you're dating are very good at playing the game of getting laid.

    Its not your fault, they're very good at manipulating feelings and emotions

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  • Well I'm not trying to be rude but the commen element in this is you. So, I would ask what kind of guys are you dating? Do any of them have a common trait? Where are you meeting them?

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  • Most guys now a days don't like relationship and want to have sex with as many women as possible at the same time. It might have nothing to do with you

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    • But five guys? I thought we had so much in common with this guy. Then he sprung this on me. It was really difficult to force myself to stay until the date ended. What kind of guy wants to have a relationship? Is there a description I don't know about?

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    • I have no physical type. Seriously I can be attracted to any person. His intelligence was what drew me. This guy was shorter than me, a software engineer and kind of shy. I am a very outgoing person. I ride horses, play tennis and enjoy dancing. But we have so many common interests. Do you think guys prefer to be with girls they are kinda scared of? Do they friendzone me because they feel comfortable with me perhaps?

    • there are many reasons why guys friendzone girls

      - he might be a comitment phobe
      - he might keep you around till something better comes around
      - you are not his physical type but he likes you enough to want sex

  • It means they only want to make friends with women who provide them with health insurance too.

    Now, in all seriousness, it means he wants a friend to also have sex with, but not a committed relationship.

    Going by your profile pic, you're far from ugly. Chances are, you've just been unlucky in love, and had a string of doucebags.

    Chin up, each toad you work your way through gets you closer to your prince :)

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  • keep your head up you;ll find a better match, bad luck so far =) im sure u have a lot more to offer than just hot sex but some people will only want that and its their loss

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  • Either you're getting the wrong guys or you're missing something from your personality that makes no one want to commit. I have a friend like this, but she doesn't care. She just dates for the hell of it. It's probably that you're attractin the wrong guys. This doesn't mean that you should act differently, but choose wisely amongst your options. I'm a very attractive and energetic guy, and I mainly attract sluts because of my looks. I don't even pay attention to them because they are the exact opposite of what I look for in a girl and I find them revolting. If you don't think your attractin the wrong guys, then look at yourself and try to see if you have a personality flaw that might cause this. Usually if a girl is attractive and friendly, but not romantic at all it can make us guys only want to be friends with benefits.

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  • It means that he doesn't respect you and only sees you as an object to fuck. Wanting no emotional connection otherwise.

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  • was gonna ask the same thing just about women.

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  • You had sex with that guy, and he wants to keep having sex with you with no strings.
    The question is do you want that?

    in my opinion, you are dating multiple guys at once, I don't think you are that serious yourself.

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  • Not you at all except your have a big hear and is kind. Some people are good at reading people wrong the mistake kind for fool, people are not afraid to ask for what they want, if they ask enough people they will eventually get it. Don't be yourself up and stop dating guys for there looks

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  • There men who at some point in their lives only want sex , are usually successful at finding partners, and is adding you to his list, which could be long or short, at this point he only wants sex until either he is ready to settle down, or finds " the one"
    Its hard to guess on his motivation, but he's not yours and not ready for a relationship with you. Its not about anything you did or project. A guy who says that is after only one thing and honest about it.

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  • General answer is that because they are interested in the sexual activity, but not interested in the commitment and the dedication and the devotion to that person.

    Now the question is, why would they not want to invest in being with you.

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  • I think it is bad luck.

    Maybe next time you should clear from the beginning about what you want.

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  • I'd say it is either bad luck, bad taste or there is something about you that doesn't advertise girlfriend material...

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  • Because friends with benefits guarantees sex without the relationship drama.
    It has nothing to do with you, just a logical choice more men are making.

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  • They are young. very young. immature. but being honest. That's the thing - at least they're being honest. In the days of Tinder and craig's list, for horny, non-relationship minded guys, there's absolutely no point in being hidden about their desires.

    Keep seeking - you'll find a guy that wants to be in a relationship.

    These response have really nothing to do with you other than to prove that you seem to have a "type" that you are attracted to - sexually promiscuous, non-monogamous males.

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  • Committed relationship is such a burden on guys these days, so I don't think any guy sincerely wants a relationship if you totally "delete" that sex factor. It's girls who want relationships because they can then depend on him for everything and take him for granted every time.

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    • I don't know man. I've seen plenty of guys on GaG who want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I think @heartattack25 just got the wrong guys going for her.

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    • Wow. So you think the majority of women are looking to use you and take you for granted? And your response is not to go date from the remaining minority, but to try to avoid relationships? (To use women and take them for granted?)
      I'm just thinking that I have no idea what percentage of men are the ones who would mistreat me and what percentage are the men who will be good to me. I just know that there are enough men who are willing to play the role of friend/lover/partner that I've never been tempted to settle for anything else.

    • @oldlady Yes. Of course. And that was proven to be true by the girls/ women themselves -- majority of them were like that. Perhaps it's the difference in the country. I think girls in US are a lot lot better compared to girls and women in my country (you probably don't know. Many of them are feminazi's, selfish and only think about using men to their advantage -- I mean money). Now, why I feel like avoiding relationship rather than seek out those good majority? Good question. In my country, dating is illegal or at least a taboo -- can you believe that? And marriages are all arranged marriages and the guy and girl are not allowed to meet and date each other before marriage. And they have an insane way of finding if it would be a good match -- by looking at the stars -- they call it "kundli". In such a culture, how can you even be confident that the girl you are going to marry is not an a**hole? And terroristic laws like IPC 498A can rape any innocent guy's life by supporting abuses

  • it's what THEY want. you're their toy... nothing more.

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  • he is telling you his intended relationship with you, which is only a sexual one. I would never tall a girl that I want to be friends with benefits, that's like high school stuff

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  • it means he finds you sexually attractive but he doesn´t want to lose that casual friendship feeling by becoming serious about you.

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  • there are probably not wanting to commit not your fault from what i heard

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  • You like players just like most women (they might not like the womanizing, but they like their looks, and/or money). Just suck it up and hope that one day you'll find that knight in shining armor , one of those guys in those romantic movies lol.

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    • No. I don't like players. Believe it or not I am the girl who avoids players. I go for smart, sensitive guys. I feel repulsed by "players". Ironically my longest relationship (nearly 2 years) was with one. He treated me right introducing me to his family and friends. There was no suggestions of friends with benefits with him. So you can imagine my confusion when "normal" guys ask me this. smh

    • Sensitive? lol Those guys you described only want to be fwb's I guess you weren't girlfriend material.

  • It means he is intelligent and progressive. Monogamy isn't realistic anymore.

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  • They pretty much just want someone to fuck with no strings attached in terms of commitment.

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  • They find you attractive but they see something that puts them off investing emotionally in you.

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    • I have to agree with this. Something about your personality or character is making u not relationship material to these guys.

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What Girls Said 32

  • Many of today's toms are sporadic, unpredictable and grow cold feet at the mere mention of the Big "C," @heartattack25. These boy birds are no exception to my golden goose rule of thumb.
    They want their cake and eat it Two with you being the side dish, Not the Main Course of Having a serious real relationship with someone who Looks just Amazing and with your kind heart and heart of gold, I would imagine, they are trying to Mistake your kindness for Weakness.
    This is the Big wig thing today here, dear. It has nothing to do with you but what they want and think if they can get someone vulnerable to Agree to their germs and terms, then they have a chick who is willing to click to their Rest nest and Not be In this Nest like two birds of a feather.
    This is their own line of bull with 'Friends with benefits' and want you to bite as they bait you Because... Never had sex with you.
    Good luck. xx

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    • What if I just want sex but have no desire to manipulate you? What if I'm being as blunt as possible about my desire to mate with you? What if I don't want a relationship because I have a hard time trusting humans? How do I know you won't attack me in the future? Girls may not be physically stronger than guys, but they are definitely better that guys at mentally abusing people.

    • Guys like you, my friend, do not deserve a nice girl and if they do not have the power in their own heart from the start to see through you, then someone as wise as myself needs to Direct them in the right direction... Please, no snide remarks as a come back, I will block you. I do not care for your other rude comments to @@heartattack25, nor to any other GAGERS here, dear.

  • Some (definitely not all) men fear commitment so much that they will try anything to get companionship and sex with no strings attached. Plenty of girls these days are willing to play the friends with benefits role, so they probably figure it doesn't hurt to ask. Maybe you just seem like a fun, outgoing, laid back type of girl who *might* be up for that sort of thing. Also, a very popular monthly men's magazine recently ran an article on the many advantages of having a friends with benefits type of relationship in your life. It's supposedly good for their mental and physical well being. My guess is your 5 guys probably all read the same crazy article.

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    • I guessed so too. They all said they feel relaxed and like they can be themselves around me. I thought that was a good thing.

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    • @MargaritaPeach

      Thank you very much for helping me out. :D You are truly a master of the present.

    • @MargaritaPeach is right! You've got to try having sex because noone could go through life without it! I know that I couldn't because i have a high libido and love sex very much ;-) :-p

  • i also want to know why boys do this and think it's ok

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    • That is a good way of putting it. Maybe I should ask the question like that.

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    • You saw several comments from guys who feel like relationships aren't worth the trouble. I think everyone is entitled to like what they like, and if men want friends with benefits and can find women who want it (or are willing to settle for it) too, then I think it is okay. Those of us who want actual commitments will just not be with them.

    • General answer is that because they are interested in the sexual activity, but not interested in the commitment and the dedication and the devotion to that person.

  • It's not because of you, it's because these guys don't want to be in a relationship it's really simple. Don't start thinking something is wrong with you because that is not the issue. These guys that you are choosing have different intentions that is all. You should make sure that you state what you are looking for early on and hope they won't waste your time.

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  • When a guy asks if he wants you to be a friend with benefits with him, it means just that. It's not because they think you are boring or anything. It's just that they are only looking for something casual.

    If you are looking for a relationship, then do not waste your time with these guys.

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  • I am going through this too. I think it is a lot of things. Like I am ten years older than him. I don't feel the age difference but he called after a great time and explained that was all he could offer but that've had a lot of fun together. I told him I understood and that was the reason I was hesitant to begin with I wanted him to find someone closer to his age, to be at the same point in life. I tried setting him up with girls his age, he did hear me joke that I was thinking of letting my ex visit so I could get laid since if had been a couple years. He was like "hello I am here and willing" I sort of forgot I had said that but guys don't ever forget that shit!!! I feel like he just wants sex till he finds the right match. I have a friend that I connected with on line. And if he makes the life decisions he would need to make I want more than anything to end up with him. So I told my hook up friend it was fine cause I want to be able to move on also when that door opens for me. I thought it was a good solution but it hurts.

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  • I think it definitely means they don't picture a serious relationship with you at all but find you attractive and probably nice enough to have sex.
    They might not be ready to settle down and you're not the woman who will change their mind about it.

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    • Yes I get that. But why? I would understand if it was one guy. But it is a hit on my self-esteem that it is five guys. Has this ever happened to you?

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    • Is it too late for me to have friends with benefits? I'm still a virgin. I feel too old and guilty about wanting sex at my age. But my libido just keeps going up everyday. Everyone around my age has already lived out their sexual fantasies. I'm like a blank slate. I hate porn. Porn never feels like real sex.

    • It's not too late. Why would it be bad to want sex at 26? You're young, Yes your first experience would be later than most people but it doesn't mean it's too late for it too happen

  • A lot of the guys, thats all they want til theyre ready to settle down and find "the one". Its nothing to do with you. My 16 yr old daughter is going through the same thing. Most have been honest with her and only want sex , others its been obvious and she's learned to friend zone them. She recently found an 18 yr old guy, just granduated h. s. that is way more mature and doesn't have sex and his dick size in every conversation with her like the other assholes. He actually is interested in her and her interests not just her double D's.

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  • It means you are dating the wrong guys

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  • It sounds like you're a very sweet person, but honestly I think it may be the way you carry yourself. Carry yourself with confidence walk in a room with your head high like you own it. Make guys think and you your self believe that you're no ones toy don't give your all right away.

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  • Well, they're telling you 'cause most guys have too much integrity to just lie about their intentions. And it has nothing to do with your being boring or ugly - you're just dating guys who aren't relationship-minded.

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    • Yes. But how do you meet these relationship minded guys? Wouldn't it be weird to ask every guy who asks me out and I am attracted to if he is relationship minded? Is there a subtle way to do it? I am so confused right now.

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    • They are not warning her, they are telling her their intentions. Most men even if they do not say it reveal their true intentions through their actions if the girl waits long enough he will reveal their true colors. Men reveal how they truly are when they don't get what they want

    • I've dated guys who have been in long term relationships it does not mean they are nicer. Long term relationships do not mean the relationship was good. Some people cheat and are afraid to leave their relationship because they don't want to be single and some people are afraid of being alone so they explore their options while they are with a girl

  • Where are you meeting these guys? If you're meeting guys at bars or parties and stuff, then you're chances of meeting guys who aren't ready to settle into a relationship are really high.

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    • I had that issue over and over again in my mid twenties.

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    • @Sara413

      But what if your soulmate is in a bar or party? Then, what? You miss your opportunity to find your soulmate. Do you catch my drift?

    • I never said don't ever pick up at a bar... all I said was your chances of meeting dudes who just want a fling or friends with benefits arrangement are much higher than finding a guy who wants to settle into a relationship.

      Speakin' from experience here.

  • I would think he doesn't think you're worth the commitment. He's using you for his own convenience, it benefits him because he gets to do things with you that happens in a relationship, but he also gets to be single without the restraint of a relationship. If you don't want him to hook up with other girls, I would suggest that you don't go down this road.

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  • That you're good enough to have sex with but not good enough to invest feelings in... 👀

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  • You are attracted to and attracting EU guys..

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  • Its to do with the way you feel or treat yourself like you aren't worth nothing more than being a piece of meat.

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    • This is not true. I want to get laid and I think all girls are worthy. I'm going to remain a virgin until I die, aren't I?

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    • you are a weirdo.

    • I know plenty of women with strong self confidence who meet assholes

  • Probably because they want to do it anyway, never had sex or not.
    What does it mean? Sex, but no love

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  • When somebody wants to be your friend with benefits it's basically saying "I want to have sex with you, but you aren't worth enough in my eyes for me to want to pursue you as anything deeper." In other words, stay away.

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  • You're just dating the wrong guys. Clearly they don't want to settle but do want to enjoy your body.

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  • That mean he just need a sexual relationship so i think it is not a good idea to accept that

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    • Well, if she wants a boyfriend, then yes it is clearly not a good idea to have a friends with benefits.

  • Have you ever asked them why they wanted to have a friends with benefit situation?

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  • Maybe they just dont have romantic feelings for you but still finds you really attractive? <3

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  • That just means he only wants a fuck buddy. No marriage, no kids.

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  • No thanks im an old fashioned one man kinda girl

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    • What does this have to do with her question?

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    • She never said that she wanted friends with benefits. If you actually read everything she saying most guys ask her to be in a friends with benefits but she does not want that

    • Like I said I did not read the description only the title -__- @iamyourneighbor

  • Maybe they're looking for hooking up instead of something meaningful

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  • Don't sell yourself short.

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  • He may like you, and definitely enjoys the sex, but doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. I think it's just bad luck. I wouldn't personally have a friends with benefits, because it doesn't lead to a proper relationship usually.

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  • To be honest I don't know why men do this at all but I had a guy do this to me in college once he found out I had a kid because his family didn't approve of it but before that he treated me like his girlfriend so men can be weird sometimes but at the time I just needed someone anyone so I went back again and again don't be that person be better than that honestly u can and I'm sure it's just the guys your dating and has nothing to do with u

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  • I feel like guys ask me to be friends with benefits because of the way that I look. I'm not ugly but I'm overweight or fat but my height does not Make me look bloated. I have met a lot of men who were ashamed of me. Definitely don't have sex with them. I don't know why these men do this to women but they eventually go away once they realize they are not going to have sex with you and if you do have sex with them don't expect them to stick around. Unfortunately some men are just pigs like that

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    • Have you never met a guy who respected you but just wanted sex? Just curious.

    • Yes I have met guys who respected me

  • Just be glad they were honest but don't expect them to change their mind. Eventually you will meet someone that wants only you. Patience my dear.

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    • Yes, plenty of guys do lie to girls about wanting a girlfriend or marriage, just to have sex with them and then dump them after sex. I don't do that, but look at me now. I'm a dying virgin.

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