Why do guys think it is okay to say they want a friends with benefits relationship? Don't they realize it is rather insulting to the girl?

Especially if you talk about your ex girlfriends during dates. You were willing to commit to them but not to the woman sitting with you.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Go after who you want! Open up about how you feel! And you have a chance to make him spun

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I think in a lot of guys minds who do that, it's that for whatever their reason is they don't want a relationship with you right now (and it may or may not have anything to do with YOU), but they want the regular sex and feel that it's wrong to mislead you about their intentions, so they tell you exactly what they want and if you catch feelings and get hurt they don't have to feel bad about it.

    If you want more, then it can suck, but being mislead sucks a whole lot more. At least when he's upfront about it you know what his intentions are. If you want more than that, don't continue things with him because you will get hurt and you will have no one to blame but yourself.

    As for the whole he committed to her ht won't commit to me thing - don't take it personally. Either he thinks you're hot but doesn't see you as compatible couple, or he has his own personal reasons for not wanting to be in a committed relationship right now. It's none of your business, really.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Oh, cause no girl wants a friends with benefits relationship... so what if the girl wants that too? Is she insulting herself? Hiw is he supposed to know if she wants that too or not? Would you rather he lie about his intentions?
    Why is it insulting to ask for what you want?

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    • It is insulting because people have so much more to offer than their bodies! I like hanging out and having fun with people. The moment the guy tells me he wants to have only a friends with benefits relationship I start to think that he is only out with me to get sex. That is humiliating. Here you are thinking that he likes you and values your opinion and being yourself when he is just humoring you. Then he talks about how much his exes hurt him and you get punished as though you are the one who did that to him. It is fucking confusing man. If that is the only kind of relationship they want they should say it on the very first date within the first 15 mins.

    • It's not insulting. I understand why you see it that way, but it's what some people like. There are people that want you for your brain, and others for your body, it applies to women too.
      I do agree with your last sentence, they should express their intentions at the beginning of the first date.

  • Another case of You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't...
    What if he mislead you into a relationship?

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  • In what way is that insulting to you? Having sex? What do you have to lose by having sex? If you don't want sex, call yourselves asexual and rather find a friendship, not a relationship. It's even more insulting to guys that girls objectify guys in the form of a "money printing machine", and expect them to pay for all their expenses.

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    • Being wanted only for sex is humiliating. I wanna feel a connection and care for someone. I love sex. That is why I want it to remain special. The more partners you have the more you lose that delicious heat, the intensity. Money printing machine? I work and support myself completely. I have never accepted a single penny from a man. In fact I have had relationships where I supported the guy financially. Not every girl objectifies guys like that.

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    • OK I get it I think. Girls/ women feel more emotionally attached whenever they have sex (though not very common, I have also seen girls/women who just like to have fun, without any attachment -- especially among older women). Friends with benefits is probably not for you, I guess, it will work only if you just want fun and not attachment. But anyway, even I don't think there is anything humiliating in such a relationship -- it probably felt to you that way, but I'm pretty sure your partner never really meant to humiliate you. It's all about meeting new girls/guys and having fun.

    • Anyway, he respected you, that's why he told upfront. If he never told it and mislead you, that would have been an insult. in my opinion, he did completely right. Whether you want it or not -- it's totally up to you.

  • You ever think he might just be trying to protect himself from getting hurt until he knows more about you? Learning who a person really is can take years

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  • they don't care.

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  • I asked this the other day. If you know something COULD happen between the two of you, why would you say "hey I want to just do FWB". It's just stupid

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    • I know right? Then they say I wish all girls were as free as you. You are so easy to talk to. You are so smart! Ugh!

  • Uh, what kind of guy is stupid enough to get in a relationship? If he's willing to get in a relationship, you should immediately dump him because he's borderline retarded.

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  • Because we aren't ready to get beck into a relationship at the moment and the point of them is for both parties to have a sexual release

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What Girls Said 4

  • In my experience, they are not emotionally available and a complete douche to say they only wants friends with benefits... The respectful thing is for him to say "I'm not ready for a relationship, and not looking for anything serious right now." And to tell you this upfront.

    There is nothing wrong with either a guy or girl wanting casual sex - but it is disrespectful to ASSUME that a girl is going to want to CONTINUE to see you over time and have no strings attached sex.

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  • Regardless of why guys do it the best thing that you can do is cut them off and say that you guys are interested in two different things (you a relationship and him friends with benefits) and move forward. If you do this then it either gives you an opportunity to find a new guy or the old guy will realize what he has missed and come back. It is essentially a win win situation

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  • They're being honest. You don't have to want that just because they do. If they don't share the same relationship goals you do then just be thankful for they're honesty and continue dating until you find someone that wants similar things out of a relationship that you do.

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  • They are probably not ready for a new relationship!

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