How can you get over your past experiences?

To keep it simple, I really haven't had the best luck when it comes to dating. Not that I haven't dated before, just bad experiences when it came to the dating.

This started warping my mind, because I'm easy to quickly learn from my past experiences. I began to see women differently. I began to see them more negatively because my mind was telling me from my past experiences that things were just going to end negatively.

Different stories that I would hear from other people also didn't help. Hearing those stories make me think that it didn't just happen to me, it happened everywhere. So why keep trying? If I knew that it would just end negatively, just give up.

Or adapt to the negativety. For example, women and money. It's a touchy subject, yes, but I'm just going to give an example. YouTube videos where a woman first rejects a guy, sees a fake picture of the guy with Chris Brown, and then immediately wants him because she thinks he's famous or rich, it made me start thinking that women were just all golddiggers or groupies.

I wasn't rich. I'm not famous. So why continue trying if that's what these girls were going for?

It's things like that that began warping my mind. In a state where my mind was already seeing women and dating negatively, other sources of negativity didn't help. But I could just never see anything positive. I focused on the negative because my mind was already to used to it from my own personal experiences.

To be honest, I don't want to continue thinking like this, but I just don't know how to stop. I don't know how to change my mind because every time that I try, I immediately experience something negative and I go back to thinking the exact same way. My mind will tell me "you knew that was going to happen." Or I assume something will eventually turn out negatively and my mind will tell me "you already know how this will end."

If there is anyone that has gone through something like this before, how did you get over it? What helped you?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, girls can be annoying at times and yeah there are some pretty shallow chicks out there. But it is worth holding out for someone who loves you for you. Waiting isn't a bad thing when it comes to relationships, you learn to enjoy who you are as an individual and grow as a person. This in turn allows you to find someone who you can be in a healthy relationship with. As hard as it is, find some goals and set your mind on things which will get you to the person you want to be. Relationships aren't the main goal.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I felt your pain man. I struggled a lot with all this in my early through late 20s. A lot of this same stuff is going on on the other end too and women are starting to hate men more also. A lot of those YouTube videos are fake or are partial to a certain idea and use specific data to fit their agenda or to their market. I wouldn't trust those to be an accurate representation of the truth although in some cases it certainly can be.

    You will have to change your whole world view. It isn't easy and will take time and effort. People in your situation are probably better off alone/single either indefinitely or at least till you get everything "straightened out." To take the single path you have to really want to be alone, be comfortable being alone, not caring about falling into the societal pressures of being with someone. I've chosen this path for the most part and am very happy being single, I date very occasionally still and do light affectionate stuff like hugging and cuddling but I still would prefer to be alone and use the dating just as a reason to get to know someone but I never expect it to last and just enjoy it for what it is without attaching to it, nothing on earth is meant to last forever.

    You may laugh at this but I'm 100% serious, don't look at porn or masturbate. No matter what anyone says it's not "necessary" and you will not die or go crazy if you don't get a "release," on the contrary you start to free yourself from the urge and base impulse for this and you won't feel that strong urge that you feel like you need to be with someone. After a few months you will start to see the world, yourself and women a lot differently. You will start to become more comfortable with yourself and being by yourself and will prefer it, you will have a sense of freedom you never had before, you will see women as people with strengths and weaknesses and not as something to deposit sperm inside of.

    Message me if you want to discuss this more in depth. I wish you the best.

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    • Oh and it would be a good idea to get away from the stuff that is feeding you that negative world view about women. Yeah it's true and there are heartless people out there but it's not the totality. On the contrary don't go the other way either and keep listening to crap about how great all women are and that they are oh so wonderful either because then you will start to pedastalize them and that's not good either.

What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Went through the same, actually still going through it sometimes.

    Went helped me was talking to friends about this, but what helped the most is taking your mind off of this.

    You got hobbies right? friends? family, job so forth.
    Just focus on these nothing else.

    Because if there is one thing I have learned from this, is that the more you think about this, the more frustrated and depressed you get.

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  • then live like a lone wolf and stiop being a whiny biatch... .

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