Is it necessary to feel sparks during the first date in order to go on a second?

So went on a date with a very lovely guy yesterday. He picked me up, drove to amsterdam where we went picknicking, got on a paddle boat (or pedalo?), went to a cafe to go pooling and eventually had dinner.
He payed for everything even though I repeatedly handed him money, he opened doors for me, gave me compliments etc. At the end of the night he drove me home and we kissed.
So to reflect on the date it was very nice, he was lovely but there were no sparks. I don't have feelings like that for him (yet). However, he did ask me on a second date and it felt bad to say no so I agreed. Do you guys think I should tell him I'm not feeling it or give it another shot and see how it goes?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't need, or some would say, that you shouldn't judge your relationship with someone based off one solitary experience. The rule of thumb typically is that you have three dates before having to decide if you want to 'make it official' or not. He got a strike in your books on the first date. If I were you, I'd keep an open mind and give it another go. If there is nothing the second time around, then there might be nothing going on there.

    Ignore the other guys giving you shit that you're turning down a nice, romantic guy. Romance doesn't make a relationship, its how you connect on a personal and intimate level. If the connection isn't flowing both ways, it isn't flowing the right way.

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    • Thank you for your help. I think your right and one date isn't enough to jump to conclusions. Will give it another one or two go's. We're hanging out this Thursday again and I'm sure it will be fun!
      And thank you even more for pointing out those guess aren't worth the hassle. I was quite upset to read all that negativity as that's never how this was intended. You really get it haha. Have a great day!

    • Thanks for MHO, I wish you the best on Thursday then!

What Guys Said 19

  • that's right you shouldn't know everything about dating. We don't know everything about dating either, We all do what worked for us in the past and leave aside what hasn't worked. You are doing the right thing , asking to get opinions, but it is only that , opinions.
    What does your mind tell you , what does your heart tell you.
    The notion of not going on a second date in order to not give him false hope , That's part of dating and he'll get over it if after 2 or 3 dates, you end it , he'll survive , those experiences are as good for him as they will be for you.
    Don't be afraid to be wrong , to make mistakes. Just try to limit or eliminate mistakes that can't be taken back and impact your life or someone else's.
    what is the harm with a second date, that he might get false hope. Fear as in the fear of hurting someone ( mildly here) should not be the reason to not do it.
    NO its not necessary to feel sparks to have a second date. Sparks are unreliable to start with. What are sparks a sign of... physical attraction or something more meaningful?

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  • lol your cat pic is so funny. why do cats always look like they don't give a fuck XD

    anyways damn you should have went with your gut feeling and said no. that just gives him false hopes now.

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    • My cat is a boss thats why. And that's honestly not the case. Because I'm not uninterested, it's just I don't have feelings just yet.
      But thank you for your opinion anyways. :)

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    • What is wrong about doing something and not paying as much attention to "I might give him false" , that's a decision on the fear of hurting someone , but this hurt is needed to grow and learn. Most people survive very easily , if they are subject to false hope after one date. These are said to many times and robs people of important life lessons as small as it might be.

    • I see, you might be right. Thank you, won't let my fear get in the way of important decisions. @KempisMC

  • with a first date things can be very awkward and sparks as you put it are easily extinguished by the complications of the newness of that person. So yes , do go out one more time and if nothing comes of it don't agree to the third outing

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  • See how it goes, love at first sight doesn't exist, you have to get to know the person first feelings come later. Give it a second or third and see what happens.

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  • Since you doubt it why bother? You should date the guys you want to date not those who pay for everything.

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    • I'm not dating him because he's paying for the date... I actually do like him but maybe not enough.

    • I had the impression that you felt bad to refuse the second date because he was so nice holding doors and paying drinks/dinner. in my opinion, if you don't feel it there is no point in doing it.

    • Not completely. I did feel a bit bad to refuse because he was very nice and I do see potential in him, however the reason I would refuse was because there were no sparks. That's why I asked this question, if i was wrong to agree to a second date. Not because he was paying for everything.

  • You can go on another one. Sometimes it doesn't happen immediately but then all of a sudden feelings for a person smack you in the face all at once. But definitely steer the date into money free activities just in case it doesn't work out you don't want him thinking you were just using him as a bank (even if you did offer on the first date, a lot of guys think girls are only posturing when they do that).

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  • Sounds like you're over thinking it a bit. Go for date #2 and maybe a third and then start to sort things out mentally/emotionally as you'll be able to gauge it better.

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  • What I wonder is--what are women expecting?

    If you go on a date with someone you don't know much or haven't had much interaction with (such as, someone you met online, or a brief interaction somewhere) unless he's a skilled player who bangs you on the first date, what do you expect from a guy?

    Lmao, I swear, if men judged women on their "sparks" during a first date, almost no woman would get a second date without putting out.

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    • I'm not sure why you're questioning women right now? I think both genders expects the same during a date. Of course some fancy sex, but that's not what this is about.
      I'm not judging anyone on their 'sparks', I was just asking if you need to feel something for a guy in order to go on a second date. I'm sure guys are wondering this as well. Don't shame all women for my question.
      Besides, I'm 16 years old. Why are you making a fool out of me? I'm not supposed to be born with all dating knowledge.
      However, thank you for your opinion regardless. Will consider your words.

  • You dont sound realistic... You should give it more time...

    But if you are not sure dont lead him on.. immediately cancel the second date even if you have said yes...
    You should watch less romantic movies by the way.. looks like you think real life is like a movie... or something

    Oh you are 16!!! Makes sense

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  • I've never felt a spark immediately.

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  • Yes, you should of left him know your true feelings of not being interest in him

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  • Give it another shot and see where it goes. You don't always have to have fireworks and skyrockets for love to blossom. Just go on a few dates and see where your heart takes you..

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  • You should tell him that you're not feeling it. You're not doing yourself a favor by being with a guy that you don't really like. That guy is hurting himself, too. He's going to have to learn that buying things for women doesn't make them like you.

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  • noo not really you feel insta sparks if the guy is not your dream type

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  • normal stuff... nice guys doesn't get the girl... this is amaizing

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    • It's not about being nice or not. A guy who isn't nice won't ever get me. It would be very bad if I would go with him even though I'm not that into him. Him being nice has nothing to do with it.

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    • That may be true, however you don't know me? I personally am quite good at indicating wether someone is genuinely nice. Yes, this guy is a really nice guy and he deserves a girl that treats him well but maybe that's not me. Must suck he didn't 'get' the girl (me) but he will find someone else who does gratify his needs. Your comment was implying I go for the 'bad' guy instead of the 'nice' guy which is nowhere near true. I only go for nice guys but some just don't match. Please don't harass me on something you don't know.

    • i dont know u... and i dont know the guys.. u can get the guy u want... i just saying normally ( in general) the good and nice guy dont get the girl.. i dont know what is your case...

  • What do u expect. .

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  • Just be honest with him.

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  • A romantic date with a perfect gentleman.
    Yeah, I can see how that is a major turn-off.
    This is why a guy should never go all-in on a first date.

    You're simply not attracted to him.
    Search your heart and sort out your feelings - don't string the guy along by giving him false hopes.
    Not saying it can't happen later... but I'm guessing you already know how you feel.

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  • If you know there won't ever be anything end it now. I personally don't tend to have those feelings after one date. Date one for me determines if i like the person/want to keep getting to know them.

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What Girls Said 13

  • It's different for everyone, but for me personally, if I don't feel an initial spark of interest then I don't tend to go on a second date. This may make me sound like a bitch, but you may feel inclined to go on a second date because of the amount of what you did and the fact that he paid for everything. It doesn't mean you have to automatically be attracted to him. However, you already agreed, so it couldn't hurt to give it another chance. Don't continue to go out with him out of feeling obligated though, that's unintentionally leading him on at that point.

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  • I think the problem is that people don't give enough time for sparks to form.

    Sometimes a few more dates are required for this to happen.

    When people say "No" too quickly sometimes they are passing up a very great opportunity.

    Not everything happens in 1, 2, 3 or as quickly as we want them to.
    Sometimes those sparks takes time to create itself.

    Those sparks happening right away, only happens in a love story.
    It's not always the case in real life.

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  • He definitely would get a second date in my world. Sparks flying are nice, but not ALWAYS realistic right away. Try date #2 and see; sometimes flames smolder before igniting.

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  • Give it one other shot, first dates can be awkward because you're nervous, worried about it going well and things like that. If it was a pleasant date, go on a second date with him. There'll be less pressure on you and if you still feel nothing then don't go on another one with him.

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  • For me either a spark or just a good old fashioned fun - as in you love spending time with that person because they're funny and you have genuine fun with them. =)

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  • No because people get nervous on the first date and don't show you their true selves. It's always worth a second date unless you were completely replused by him

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  • Nah. You should keep trying for a few dates. People typically don't fall in love right away. Give it time.

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  • Well he treated you well but did you know much about him?

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  • No.
    But if you both enjoyed eachother's company, you can go on a second one and see how it goes :)

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  • Id say go for one more date, if you don't feel sparks by then well let him down easily. Good luck

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  • It could grow give it time

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  • no harm in giving it another shot

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  • Not necessary but you're still young so maybe a serious relationship isn't what you're interested in right now?

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