Guys, my boyfriend is no longer attracted to me - is this relationship worth my time?

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend (of 2.5 years) told me that he was no longer attracted to me and hadn't been for the last eight or so months. He threatened to break up with me if I didn't lose weight and told me I need to be "the best I can be". I am 5'8 and 170 lbs. I'm definitely not in shape, but I don't think I'm huge either. (However, I definitely do want to lose weight.) I sort of understood what he was saying, but at the same time, I thought it was ridiculous, because I feel like when you love someone, you sort of see past how they look objectively, and they just seem beautiful to you. He said that men want women who are beautiful, and women want men with status/prestige. He told me I like him because he's a lawyer and I wouldn't like him if he worked at Walmart. I couldn't really deny that. I definitely wouldn't have been interested in him if he had just been a cashier at Walmart or something, and I was/am attracted to the fact that he has a good job. However, I also have a good job and almost have my PhD, which I know he also likes. I am just really confused about what to think and would truly appreciate a man's perspective. I've gotten a few male opinions, but I get the feeling that some men just say what they think I want to hear. I want to lose weight, but it honestly freaks me out that this is SO important to him. He always talks about how women are pretty much done looking good by 28, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable when he says that. I am obviously going to age. I worry that if my looks start to fade, he'll just leave me for a younger woman. We plan on getting married, and all of this makes me want to rethink that decision. Guys, what do you think? Honesty - even brutal - is appreciated.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yea that's tough. I think you know your answer just from the fact that admit that you wouldn't be interested in him if he wasn't a lawyer. It's then reasonable for him to expect you to be in good shape because the whole relationship is already built on conditions. Personally this is why I am always honest about what I do for a living so women who need a man with a certain career can just move past me quickly. I'm confused how the discussions of marriage go if he's saying those kind of things as well, he may have a point in some regard but there's no need to say stuff like women don't look good after 28. Why does he stay with you if he's not attracted to you? I don't get that part.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Well he seemed like a jerk at first, but when I continued readin I completely understand what he's getting at. I'm going to break it to you, people that say that looks don't matter with love are lying to themselves. Just because it seems "shallow" and that you ignore it doesn't mean that looks don't matter. He's actually doing you a favor by maning up and telling you what's wrong. Unless you can get him attracted again your relationship WILL fail. This DOES NOT mean that you should obsess over everything and be clingy (in case you're that type of person) because nothing makes a guy run faster than being clingy or obsessive.

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  • Try to make yourself more attractive and spice up the sex. Try something new like maybe a threesome.

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