Why reassure me then bounce? I gave him an out. Is it ruined for good?

I started seeing this guy who used to like me in high school. Everything was going ok. We said we liked each other, wanted to move slow, and wouldn't talk to or sleep with anyone else. He wanted me at his house every night for almost 2 wks straight. He texted every day. We slept together twice in those 2 wks. After the second time sleeping together, I got a funny feeling that he was pulling away but I also admit to having issues with over-thinking things. He said he was going to have a guys night. No big deal except it felt like he was blowing me off and my friend agreed. I called hm and discussed it with him calmly. Told him I wasn't mad or trying to be up his backside or anything but got a weird vibe from him. He said he was sorry if he did anything to make me feel that way and everything was alright, he liked me thought it was a bit too early for that sort of convo but then texted me while he was out even. He then texted me every day for the next five days straight after work but then on Friday night, I had to text him. We talked about that phone call. He said that my actions kinda freaked him out. He understood but it was a little too soon for that kinda talk. He said that it happens and he's dealt with these things before. I explained that I start the nursing program soon and won't be around much and that maybe thats a good thing. That I was sorry for my actions, it wouldn't happen again. I asked if I completely scared him off. He said it was way too much in too short a time to expect a future to be there if things are already weird and he didn't want to be a jerk because Im cool and it sounds ok and we'll see. That he didn't want stand still but moving slow worked. He said limited visits are ok. The program is full time and I work so I won't see him much. I asked him if everything is ok and he said kinda. I asked him what he meant and he said that he didn't know how things would turn out, didn't know what the future holds. Why say all that and ignore me?


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What Guys Said 1

  • "Everything was going ok. We said we liked each other, wanted to move slow, and wouldn't talk to or sleep with anyone else."

    ^did he/u say "don't sleep wid anyone else" or u/he did i ton yer/his own?

    "I got a funny feeling that he was pulling away but I also admit to having issues with over-thinking things. He said he was going to have a guys night. No big deal except it felt like he was blowing me off and my friend agreed. I called hm and discussed it with him calmly. Told him I wasn't mad or trying to be up his backside or anything but got a weird vibe from him"

    ^so wot did u suspect at this point when it happened? coz u mentioned about a weird vibe from him... i mean during this guys night out!

    "He said he was sorry if he did anything to make me feel that way and everything was alright, he liked me thought it was a bit too early for that sort of convo but then texted me while he was out even."

    ^even when he was out? that's pretty good u know...

    "He then texted me every day for the next five days straight after work but then on Friday night, I had to text him. "

    ^if that's so then he was xpectin from u to go first once!

    " We talked about that phone call. He said that my actions kinda freaked him out. He understood but it was a little too soon for that kinda talk."

    ^so when u say actions? wot do u mean xactly?

    " He said that it happens and he's dealt with these things before. I explained that I start the nursing program soon and won't be around much and that maybe thats a good thing."

    ^there it seems he kinda wanted to avoid u

    "He said it was way too much in too short a time to expect a future to be there if things are already weird and he didn't want to be a jerk because Im cool and it sounds ok and we'll see. "

    ^so possibly he wants to take things slowly now!

    "That he didn't want stand still but moving slow worked. He said limited visits are ok.
    I asked him if everything is ok and he said kinda. I asked him what he meant and he said that he didn't know how things would turn out, didn't know what the future holds. Why say all that and ignore me?"

    ^he wants to visit u occassionaly just in order to stay in contact wid u somehow as it seems... and judgin by those visits he wants to see how things will evolve between u and him!

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    • No, we agreed not to talk to or sleep with anyone else mutually. The weird vibe was from me feeling like he was pulling away and then I wondered if he was talking to someone else. My actions being that I called, expressed and had those feelings so early on. I still haven't heard from him and he's since posted about being bored on FB. He's also posted random break-up stuff and other things that I'm trying not to read into LOL. My last boyfriend died a year ago and I was also in an abusive relationship before that for a long time so I have my issues but usually keep those things to myself. I only said in the phone call that it felt like he was blowing me off and pulling away. I backed off after the last convo to see what he'd do. I don't want to contact him first and seem desperate or clingy.

    • Show All
    • It's alright. These things happen in life. It hurts to no end that I lost the man I was going to marry and knew since we were kids. It has left behind major issues but that's just how it goes, I guess. I saw the guy in question had posted things like "where are all the girls who like flowers, candy, and dates" and stuff and kinda just thought "well, you HAD one" but that's ok. Many have said it sounds like I was some kind of stand-by until he found what he was looking for. Those who actually know him have said I can do WAY better so I guess that's how I'm going to look at it.

    • "It's alright. These things happen in life. It hurts to no end that I lost the man I was going to marry and knew since we were kids."

      ^glad to know u've overcome this at least

      "I saw the guy in question had posted things like "where are all the girls who like flowers, candy, and dates" "

      ^where did he post this? on fb?

      anyway ya... i guess it'd be better if u forget about him

What Girls Said 1

  • He's afraid of commitment and he is not interested in pursuing something more than occasional hook-ups.

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