Is it hard to date someone with a different culture?

I am going on a date with a guy on Thursday, but he's Indian and has said his parents are extremely strict when it comes to girls and dating. He's said that if we ended up together and dating, he would have to keep it from his parents, at least right away. He is 20, as I am as well and is in school for nursing. I am white, so would it be difficult if we actually dated?

Updates:
He said telling his parents wouldn't be as hard if I was brown, but since I'm white if things do work out, he'd have to find a way to tell his parents without them hating me. He seems like a really sweet and nice guy and I do like him. So I wouldn't want things to be extremely difficult considering the long distance will be hard enough. We go to school, 5 hours away from eachother.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is less of a culture issue and more of a parent approval issue. Sure the culture is part of he reason, but it doesn't sound like cultural differences are and issue for the two of you liking eachother. You shouldn't let his parent's views scare you away from giving it a try. If you give it a go and it doesn't work out, you might have some heartbreak depending on how serious it got, but if you never try and it would have worked out, then you missed out on finding a guy that was right for you.

    It's not quite the same situation but what my fiancé and I are in is close. We're gay and I've been out for years but he only recently told his parents he was gay and they were very against the idea of him dating a guy. I fell in love with him and then had to meet his parents. I was so nervous, but even if they disapproved, I love him and we'd be together anyway. Luckily things went pretty well and we get along even if we aren't on the best of terms. I can't imagine how my life would be if I'd let fear of his parents keep me from going on that first date with him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I see Already here, dear, the Path of Problems with Everything he has warned you about. Three Strikes and it is a Not so a Done Deal but a 'Done' One that hasn't even started yet with you Both... Going on a date with a guy on Thursday.
    Bear all of this in mind with this 'Really sweet and nice guy,' He sounds like a great catch but may not be your Catch of the day because of all these certain Strict Obstacles in your way.
    For now, be friends and just enjoy hanging out. He has laid down the rules and Rule of thumb of what it is like being 'White if things do work out.'
    However, not being 'Brown,' tell him where he stands and you have a few 'Rules' of your own, and it Consists of being Up close and personal and that it is fine with family but he has to understand that you would be Someone who cannot be swept Under the carpet like an ant, and even if you were to marry, he is Marrying You and not Them.
    I went through all of this with having a husband out in Egypt and a being in a Muslim family. They never had a problem with me being a Christan but they have their own Rules in their own culture and religion, and you have a lot to Live up to Stay in the family and to Show Face.
    LDR as well takes two special people to Have and to Uphold as well. If you cannot Hold down Anything that you have mentioned here, then don't start something with this sore subject that you cannot finish. It may end up in a heartbreak or mass destruction for everyone.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 22

  • This sounds very familiar. My best friend went through this. I knew both him and his girlfriend very well. It wasn't the culture of the two of them that mattered so much as the culture of the parents. It was a HUGE problem. Like a really really really seriously huge problem.

    If he wants to keep it from his parents, that's a big red flag. He knows them, and wants to keep it from them for a reason. It might just be something they don't approve of but won't cause trouble. But it might also be major problems.

    If this is someone you really want to date, I'd go for it. But be prepared that it might not be smooth sailing.

    For the record, my best friend and his girlfriend ended up getting married. The family eventually accepted it, sort of. But they went through hell getting there.

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  • I think it could be more difficult, but as long as there is good communication between them and understanding then it could work out quite well, sometimes a culture has a custom or view that seems contrary to your beliefs, but when you delve a little deeper you usually find just as many that you can relate to, so I would recomend trying and seeing what happens.

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  • This is a serious problem when a culture can be given priority, by an adult man, over his love life. I strongly believe you will have a hard time having any sort of meaningful relationship unless this guy is prepared to stand up to his parents. It is his right to lead his life as he pleases, and parents who try to control adult children are no better than men who are control freaks with their SO's!

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    • He moved away fot school and went to school about 4-5 hours away to get away from them. He said his dad is really narrow minded.

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    • I hope it works out for you.

      Take care, stay safe!!

    • Thank you

  • It would be difficult for his parents but not necessarily for the two of you. As long as the both of you are on the same page as to what you both want and expect from the other, you'll be fine.

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  • well im adaptable so im all good. but generally yeah, depending on the culture.

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  • the distance will be harder then you think, in the long run. It might be easier for this boy to eventually convince his parents , than if it was a girl trying to convince her strict parents that would be very different , so don't end it , be aware it could be or get difficult. and wining them over doesn't guarantee you HE's THE ONE.

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  • It's very possible this will cause a conflict, if the guy is not the type to challenge his parent's beliefs.

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  • well yeah it's hard
    harder if you don't know about his culture
    you could do something that could anger his parent if you ever meet them
    it could work though but it's gonna be hard
    good luck
    i suggest you learn a bit about their culture so as to not offend them

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  • Yes, i think the probabilities of something going wrong are relevant, but hey, it's globalization, we should know and date people from the world. It's good for everyone so we can grow as individuals, but yes, we might be surprised by aa lot of things i suppose.

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  • no. it's unwise. you have got to get him to introduce you to his parents. the longer you hide, the worse they'll react. i'm not saying it's a deal breaker, but it still needs to be done. not only will it make them even madder, but it will put a strain on the relationship.

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    • He said his dad is extremely narrow minded. He moved away and went far way from his parents for school to get away from them.

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    • it may be dramatic... but i think it's worth a shot.

    • He's really sweet though and im starting to like him a lot.

  • Well, he has to make a choice to listen to his parents or follow his own path.
    Also, most Indians I know are arranged to be married.

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    • I know. He said he thinks his dad will probably try to arrange a marriage when he's older but he wants no part of thag.

  • Asians esp. Are against breeding with white people cuz they are white devil D=
    I guess they only wanna carry on their race by wanting them to marry within their race and to carry on their cultures and belief.

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  • Maybe at first

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  • I've been on dates with people from different cultures but nerver seriously date.

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    • So have I. One of my best guy friends is Indian as well and he's always mentionion how strict Indian parents are about girls and dating.

  • It really depends on how they stick to the culture

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  • Different cultures are hard when there is a language barrier. Aside from that it's all fair game

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    • He speaks English as well as two other languages. Any time his parents call though, he speaks one of the other two languages. His sister he speaks English with.

  • i don't think it will be hard for u guys to date. he will find a way to deal with his parents although it may take some time and a lot of persuasion..

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  • you'll be waiting a while.

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  • No, love knows no boundary

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  • Yes forget him.

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  • It wouldn't be difficult but don't expect to be making out in public.

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  • It worked for my uncle, he's Indian and married to a white British woman.
    Should it really matter what your partner's parents think of you?
    Because your partner will love you regardless.

    In many cases, men are often hated by their father in laws...

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    • In most cases, white girlfriends are hated by brown parents.

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    • Oh, well then dare him and see how it goes.
      You never know unless you try.

    • I was planning on it. If we hit it off we probably will end up dating.

What Girls Said 17

  • Not always. It really depends on how much their culture differs from your own, as well as how strictly they stick to it.

    Doesn't sound like it would work or be easy to work things out with that guy. If he's already saying it would be difficult to date because you're white and that he'd have to keep it from his parents, it's clear that he'll end up having to choose over you or his family when push comes to shove. He'll more than likely choose his family, so be careful!

    Not that that applies to all cultures, or all cases. I'm dating a Chinese guy, and I love how we're different. Way more different types of food, traditions, holidays, etc.. We've discussed religious differences which aren't really all that big, and his parents are cool with my being white.

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  • Don't date anyone who has to "hide" you from anyone, be it parents, friends, colleagues and do forth.

    I mean, unless you WANT unnecessary drama in your life from uber uptight people who will measure you from head to toe to check if you're good enough for their kid.

    I'd absolutely hate to be in a relationship where I'd constantly had to "prove my worth" to some snotty parents.

    I'm Russian myself, dating an English man, so the cultures are different, but we're both very open to and curious about each other's customs.

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    • I have a few friends whose parents are middle Eastern and a few of them are dating white girls and I've been both sides. Some have told their parents, some haven't.

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    • I'm very much aware of how people from that end of the globe feel about interracial dating, which is why I wouldn't get involved with such people unless they were open-minded.

      His parents clearly aren't, otherwise he wouldn't feel the need to hide you.

      The first hand experience I had with Indian people has always been negative, so from my perspective I'd say don't get involved unless he can stand up to his parents and the parents get over their bigotry.

    • He said his dad's really narrow minded but he moved away for school about 4-5 hours to get away from his parents. So he doesn't seem like the type to care what his parents think.

  • If you're (at all)* racist > Yes (*Note how this DOES NOT say "consciously" or "openly")
    If your family (at all) racist > Yes
    If you're at all closed-minded > Yes
    If you're at all ignorant about their culture > Yes
    If you're unwilling to learn about their culture > Yes
    If you're at all dismissive about their culture > Yes
    If you're at all dismissive about their struggles being a minority (assuming they are one and you're not) > YES. Big yes on this one.

    If he's unwilling to stand up to his parents on your behalf > Yes
    If he's unwilling to put up with cultural ignorance > Yes
    If he's unwilling to actively teach you about his culture (so you don't offend his family) > Yes

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  • Yes. It almost always presents itself as a challenge.
    Right now I am in a serious relationship with a Moroccan guy whom I love very much.

    I met him online and I never thought I would give that kind of relationship a chance, but the way I felt about him I had never felt like that about anyone else. And after more than 1 year together, we always do our best for the other.

    My parents dk about this relationship at the moment. It can be hard yes.

    Not to even talk about if things do last between us, how wil we be able to compromise with so many cultural and religious differences. I am just glad that we seem to have simmilar temperaments and that we almost always are able tp compromise for each other. I don't know however how things will turn out and its scary not to know when u feel like u have given ur heart completelh to someone.

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  • Only if he allows his parents to b a oart of ur relationship. If not, then it will be good for u both to b exposed to different things :) u can't help who u like...

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    • He moved about 4-5 hours away to get away from his parents while in school. So he doesn't seem like the type to care What his parents think.

  • Just keep the relationship between you two cool and not too emotional. Indian families are pretty strict about dating especially when it's about dating someone outside our country. if he is nice and all that is great but know that if his family rejects you, he can do nothing about it. it's not hard to date someone who's from a very different culture but you have to weigh both pros and cons before starting something really serious With him. Every individual is different and every guy is different irrespective of their culture and country. Just keep it simple with him.

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  • Actually do they probably will love you because your white in Indian culture they want to be white as possible they even have bleaching creams for girls who are too "dark". I think they will like you my ex was Indian and his mother and sister love me to bits and I'm half white half Venezuelan.

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    • They really won't like me. They are really against white girls. They think most of them are just high school drop outs. Even though I am in University and I am working to put myself through school.

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    • He's really sweet and I want to see if this can work. But I just don't know about his parents. Like while we were out yesterday his dad called to check up on him. He's almost 20.

    • Well date him and see if it might become a issue if you two decide to get marry but there always that chance you won't stay together.

  • I think it might be challenging - depends on how different your cultures are.

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  • I was in a relationship with an Indian buy for about 10 months and he told his parents about me 3 months after we started dating. It ended up pretty badly so I would say that it is indeed hard to date someone from a different culture. Especially when you are a girl and his culture tends to look down upon women.

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    • One of my friends is Pakistani and dating a white girl and he told his dad about her and his dad wasn't too bad about it apparently. But he hid her from his dad for about half a year. They've been together for about a year now.

  • Indian parents aren't that strict with boys. Yes, you'll have to date in secret for a while but they shouldn't flat out reject you - especially considering you're white.

    If you were black, then yeah, they'd hate you.

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    • His parents don't really like white people. They work with a lot of white people who dropped out of school and they think all of them are like that. Even though I'm working to put myself through university and I graduate in three years.

      He was telling me that he was studying with one of his friends that was white before an exam once and his dad got mad about that, like we are such a bad influence or something.

  • Depends. I saw both scenarios, sometimes it works and sometimes it's a complete fail.

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  • I've never dated an Indian guy but have dated a couple of east Asian men. Neither of their parents cared and in fact treated me so nicely.

    If you really love him, then go for it. The fact he has to hide you is somewhat demeaning though.

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  • It depends on how well you relate to him.

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  • It just depends on the parents. Some have no problem with race or culture but some do. If you like him that much and you think its worth it, then fuck the parents.

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  • I think it would be cause things are allready hard then you throw that into the mix

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  • He's already set the stage for his exit later
    after sex and if he doesn't want more from this relationship.
    So the rules & crystal ball are very clear and only HE can deal with all that.
    Now that the game has been outlines, play accordingly.
    You can take full advantage of being wined, dined, friended, happiness, joy, active and any other positive contribution he can make to life.
    Beyond that, whatever you put into this pot/relationship gets flushed someday & that includes sex and possible preg.
    Me? No sex for him and only disposables will be thrown into that pot.
    If that's not enough - go suck eggs, dude... 5 hours away.
    I can shop for something better in less than a week.

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    • He's a virgin so sex isn't something he's after right now.

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    • turn on water heater, check all utilities, get dinner started (or those crocked on the way in oven), serve everyone refreshments, trip over everyone/thing, wait for turn @ toilet.
      Driving a few minutes, flying to exotic locations (even if coach) vs. driving forever until your butt/back/eyes hurt, perhaps you have drooling pets, screaming babies... traffic tries to kill you.

      Just saying...

    • oh that GAG... new formats every few weeks
      should read
      (see below)

  • I think some people like a challenge and that's why some people are determined to be with someone if they think it's hard for them to be with them. It's not hard to date different culture as long as you are open minded and not stupid

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