Is this a miscommunication or is my boyfriend being selfish?

My boyfriend and I have been going through a tough time recently. In a couple of instances, he has been either forgetful or had selfish tendencies with his choices. We got into an argument the night before because he wanted to leave my home at 2:30 am after just making plans to go out for a late night snack with my roommate. I'd already fallen asleep but they woke me up to tell me. I said okay, have fun, assuming they'd ride together. But he said he wanted to take his own car and leave afterward, which confused myself and my roommate. He'd spent the entire day at my house, why not just spend the night? I was upset and told him. We made amends as he said he wanted to get a full nights rest and not be woken up by me when I get up in the morning. He promised to have plans tomorrow for us. So we were good.

The next day I didn't hear anything about the plans, and he didn't speak to me until about 8 pm, just detailing his day and saying he was on the couch with his roommate. That also irritated me and I asked him if we still had plans. He said "sorry got caught up playing poker with the boys" and wanted to know if I was still going to his friends party. He did ask to make it up to me twice and said sorry that he should've said something. I was like this keeps happening and I think I just need space because I don't trust that you think of us as a partnership because you continually just think for yourself. It really hurts because I think he's such a wonderful guy yet he does really selfish things like that.

He didn't respond.

The next day he didn't say anything to me either, which hurt because it was my housewarming party for the new home I just moved into. The day after the party I texted him asking if he wants to work on things with me or just breakup, and all he said was that "breakup or not I want to still be friends and be there for you. Let's just go to this party and be people and figure things out later"

I said no and to get his things, because if he wanted that, why didn't he just come over the night before. He was invited, my parents were there and his friends were also invited (none showed up).


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What Guys Said 1

  • Seems like you have different expectations. Honestly, I don't think it was such a problem. At least, not the way I see things. I think he didn't go to the party cause he is now unsure of what's happening between you and him and felt uncomfortable going. I don't think he ever meant to make you feel bad. He probably never thought you would think anything of it. Maybe you should discuss each other's expectations in your relationship.

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    • Well when he came to get his things he sent me an angry text saying "it's been fun" and that he "didn't mean 'hey let's go to this party but were going to break up later'" and said he just wanted it to not be hostile and not let things go this way. He rang the doorbell because he said I forgot one of his DVDs and I asked him if this was it and he said "it's not working out" and "I didn't respond to his text" so he didn't go to the party because he thought I was still mad. Of course I didn't get a response, as you can see from my original post. I didn't hear anything. But now he claims it's not working out and he "tried to help me."

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    • "He likes you and doesn't want to hurt you but he doesn't want a relationship with you" is a CLASSIC man excuse. And I feel sorry for him that he doesn't want to grow up and while he said that he has all of these problems, he claimed that he did "nothing wrong."

      I hate him.

      I said no hard feelings because he makes my skin crawl I still asked for him back, because I'm pathetic, but I did wise up. He claims that he wants to be there for me if an emergency happens but I just said forget it because it's bullshit. He was "happy for me" when I got a job before finishing school earlier this month and for graduating, yet makes zero attempt to see me in person. He left me hanging when we broke up even though I bought expensive concert tickets for us to go, so I brought my roommate. Those three good things happened to me, and I was happy, but hearing from him just opened the wound up again for more hurt.

    • So now that I did remove him from my life completely, he makes like nice congratulatory messages to me as if we are buds, but now that it seems that he just doesn't want to work on himself and ended things for no reason, I hate him even more.

What Girls Said 1

  • He's being selfish.

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