Do guys really think "nice girls" are boring?

I've always been a very quiet/mellow person, and people say I'm nice & easy to get along with. However I've never had much luck with dating, and lately it's been so bad it's affecting my self esteem. I've been on a bunch of dates in the past few months (many from online dating sites), and I can't help but notice that the guys look bored/disinterested on the 2nd/3rd dates. To make things worse last night I went to a guy friend's party & all the guys in the group admitted they had a crush on this bitchy girl in our group (she wasn't there last night). They said they know she's a bitch but they prefer that kind of personality to nicer, more passive girls b/c nice girls are boring. I laughed along w/them but I was really hurt when I heard this. I try to be polite and cheerful to everyone I meet, and I always try to show an interest in people's lives.. and I do have a good number of close friends. But I guess maybe that's not what guys want.. sorry to vent, I'm feeling pretty frustrated.

Updates:
Wow so many more answers than I expected! As I mentioned to one poster previously I try to be more than just "nice", I travel the world (I'm going to Russia next month!), I horseback ride, I play several instruments, and I often organize social events with friends. I admit I also have a geeky side as I'm a programmer and I enjoy playing video games haha

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't blame yourself for being yourself and acting in a way who are not comfortable with how you are. From your description, you seem like an amazing person and very fun person to be with- definitely ***not*** boring. I think the main problem are the people you were dating. Too many people want to be on a 'roller coaster' of drama rather than live realistically.

    I would say stop trying so hard to find someone, work on yourself, meet new people and surely the right person who likes you for you will come your way. Maybe coming out of shell and being a bit more open-minded would be needed but you will feel the benefits after this. It can be hard work but hey, I am rooting for you!

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    To directly answer your question. It's not the trait of being 'nice' that's bad. It's the constant shutting out, anti-social behaviour and lack of enthusiasm that is boring to deal with. Stay positive and ignore those who judge you.

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    • Thanks! Yeah I definitely try not to be anti-social or anything

    • Then the right person will come along your way. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Go for it!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly the only girls who're considered "boring" are the ugly ones.

    You have a great personality so, as long as you're attractive, you'll be fine.

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    • On that note, oktrends has a rather interesting article on the statistics of how people rate looks versus personality on their dating site okcupid. I don't know if it necessarily applies to actually meeting people though.
      blog.okcupid.com/.../

What Guys Said 60

  • I personally think it's rude and unreasonable to think of people as "boring".

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  • I try to be polite and cheerful to everyone I meet, and I always try to show an interest in people's lives.. This sets you apart from many many women. There is nothing worse than talking to a girl and constantly asking her questions only for her to never come up with anything in return. Makes me wonder what she does with that head of hers. This is great cause even if you're not attracted to me, (which I'm fine with) at least I can be friends with the girl. Good job, don't change you don't want to be with a guy who only wants a bitchy girl anyways cause he's just in it for the excitement of taking her to bed and will move on when he gets tired of her attitude. You're much better waiting for a guy who loves you for you.

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  • I prefer nice girls. But there is some more important aspect to this story. We like girls who can stand up for themselves and know what they want. So a girl shouldn't be too passive. A friend of mine dated a girl who was really sweet and kind, but when he asked her: What do you want for dinner / what movie would you like to see / etc. She always replied with: Whatever you like / whatever you want / you can choose... This is not attractive. Nice and sweet yes, but passive and indecisive no. Also, if you don't have much luck, help luck a little. If you show a little more interest in one guy, stand a little closer, look him in the eyes a little longer nature will kick in and he will (at the very least) notice you but in most cases think about you for the next couple of days.

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  • I like nice girls, and as for "boring" try to remember that there are many forms of excitement. To be sure you might be quiet and mellow (which is good) but you might be intellectually exciting. I know that many people equate extroversion as "exciting" and while it is true that by it's very nature extroverted people are more outgoing, however it has been my experience that really extroverted people almost always seem to have less in the way of imagination. I myself am much more introverted than extroverted and I can tell you I am very imaginative and creative. I suspect you are more like this. Which means to me, that you have a very rich and colorful internal canvas which affects the way you see the world around you, and that my friend is far from "boring" Lastly while it may not always be easy, try not to compare yourself to common perceptions or standards especially when you are uncommon and special by your own right.

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  • I love nice girls and I'm sure most other guys do too. I think the problem is that it's just a lot more difficult to read a nicer girl's emotions and feelings, especially if you're shy like me. Most girls don't like "nice guys" because we're seen as weak and "too easy" apparently. Most girls say they prefer bad boys because they usually put more effort than nice guys and they feel "safer" with them (assuming that nice guys are weak and cowardly). I think maybe you just ran into a group of guys who are just afraid to make any moves on you because of how sweet you are. Maybe they are afraid that your personality coincides with "moving slow" and/or being a prude. Just be thankful you're a girl though. Like I mentioned before, it's much worse with "nice guys" I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 23 and I met her online. My current girlfriend is the nicest and sweetest girl I've ever met in my life and I adore her. I met her on the internet too. If we met in person, I don't think we would have even made it this far because we are both "shy and nice" so it would've been difficult for either of us to have the confidence to make any moves.

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  • Well, the thing is that being "nice" is usually not enough.

    Most people are actually nice. And if you are nice it only means that you are capable of being a decent person and not a complete idiot. Being nice is the minimum requirement. It's not what redeems a person from whatever flaws that person might have.

    I like nice girls. But if "nice" is the ONLY thing that is positive about them then there's really not much there. I would like her to engage in conversations, share similar hobbies and interests, have empathic abilities and the list goes on.

    It's not the niceness that is boring. It's when that is all that you are it becomes boring. If you are nice but have no interests, don't like to talk, are always passive etc it can be hard to connect with you. It's not the being nice that is the problem.

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    • I wouldn't say nice is my only trait, I also have a lot of hobbies like horseback riding, hiking, playing multiple instruments (and I play in a band), and traveling. I wouldn't say I'm super passive either I often organize social events and go out to meet new people

    • This was not an attempt to put you down and say that you have nothing going for you.
      I was simply trying to illustrate that it's not being nice that is the problem. That you somehow would be loved if you turned from nice to rude and obnoxious.

      There's of course those people who want a "challenge" as they call it and they will be bored if you don't put up a "fight". Because to those kind of people it's actually the struggle that excites them and the feeling of finally "winning".

      Those kind of people are a type of their own. I guess you can choose to play by their rules or not, depending on what type of people you want to attract into your life.

  • They said they want that bitch because they're horny. Thats all. They wouldn't crave for any long term relationship with her. I don't like extrovert women generally speaking.
    Some people have bad luck in finding a suitable partner. I flirt with girls all the time and get dates and sometimes even after the first date I cut off all contact with the girl because she was boring. Sometimes of course Im being rejected as well and usually it is by someone who I believe is the right person when I trust my feelings.

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  • I think you've been looking for the wrong type of guys. I find more nicequiet, and reserved girls much more pleasant company. Are they exciting maybe not but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy having them around. I actually prefer those girls in dating. Find a guy that you connect with and it won't matter what you guys are doing. I've dated recently amdost would probably say the girls I like are boring but I like them. Look for guys who have common mindsets, interests, and goals. Your guy is out there just be open minded and when you least expexlct it someone special will come your way just by chance.

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  • nah i dont!
    i am looking for a nice girl cause i am a nice guy!

    your friends are crazy lol!
    who wants a girl with a nasty attitude

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  • Not necessarily. Nice and boring are not mutually inclusive. I know some nice girls who are boring and some who are fun. Are you fun to talk to? Do you expand the conversation or are you a yes/no person? If you are a yes/no person then yes that is boring even if you are nice. But if you expand conversation and ask questions and offer insight then you are not boring!

    There's a girl I knew who was really sweet but she was boring. She would never initiate conversation, she would only have very vague answers if you asked her a question. She never asked questions. She only responded to what was said to her and would never originate anything. That is boring.

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    • I try not to answer with yes/no, and as I mentioned in my post I try to ask people questions and actually listen to what they're saying

  • Guys who think nice girls are "boring" aren't worth a nice girl's time. I have the same problem with some women thinking nice guys are "boring". I would try and find a guy who appreciates what nice girls are. They are the best. They care about you as much as you care about them, they actually work at relationships instead of running at the first time of trouble, or just cheating on the guy. I wish I could meet a nice girl.

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  • Well what are you doing? I need a girl with personality, that doesn't mean she can't be nice and sweet. In fact I prefer that but she needs to have a sense of humor and if she shuts down the second a actual discussion pops up then yes that is going to be a bit boring. Do you have discussions with your dates or do you play it safe? Do you have hobbies or anything?

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    • Look at the update for my hobbies haha, and yes I always try to keep the discussion going

    • I merely mention it because I did have an ex who would immediatley stop talking and become quite the second any discussion came up more complicated then the weather. It wasn't because she was stupid or anything, she just could not handle a debate/discussion which for me is highly important. I am always up for a debate (too up for it I guess with how many times I have been blocked) I also new a girl I use to work with and when I would talk to her and ask her her hobbies it included watching the news and I think reading the news paper. Both where very sweet and attractive girls, both kind of boring as hell. So I knew you had to have hobbies (I can't imagine any one not having any) its more a matter of conveying them and showing your passion rather then playing too demure. Sorry if I offended, that was not the intention. :)

  • Some guys like more extroverted women, I think you're just going through a rough patch.

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  • You just need to be you. And find a guy that fits to you. I call this type of guy, the Campfire guy XD he likes the quiet type of girl, listening to the wind and the noice leaves make when the Wind goes through the trees. A girl like this gives a very warm and calm atmosphere. Im getting calm while Im writing this lol.. but this is only because I read a lot and I developed a strong imagination from that. But yeah, lets make it simple if You're trying to be the bitchy and loud but you're originally the quiet and sensitive type, You're like fire trying to be water. It doesn't work, looks fake, and you'll scare people away like this. People who appretiate you as who you are, get more attracted by you the more mysterious you are. Enjoy the moment and the world speaking. Enjoy the little things in live without a comment and he gets curious about you. And wants to know you. Its like magic.

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  • Sure bitches are nice in the short term, but become extremely annoying anytime after that. Nice girls may finish last, but their relationships actually last, you just have to find the right guy. Sure no one in your guy group may see you as a potential endeavor, but try other things than going to parties. Join a club or something like that, at least in that case a guy may notice you for similar interests and get the deal of a girl too. Basically what I am trying to say, given time someone should come along.

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  • Don't know how anyone can call you boring, after all the things you do in your spare time. You sound really fun to be with. I'll admit I'm really surprised you haven't had much look in dating, but keep being yourself, because yourself sounds amazing, and a lucky guy will soon come around. :)

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  • I think the majority of your problem is where you are meeting these people. Most guys looking online for dates aren't looking for your type

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  • There are more categories of girls than only nice girls and bad girls. I talked with very interesting nice girls but there are also really boring ones. Actually most people are kinda boring to me. Bad girls are also boring and some bad girls are nice girls in the inside haha

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  • No way they are Awesome

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  • i prefer women like you to be honest. I've had way to many girlfriends like the ones you describe and they are nothing but drama, drama and more drama. I seriously can't deal with that type of woman any more.

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  • NOT at all !!! I would myself prefer a nice girl over a bitchy girl. I think that depends from person to person and not a thing to be generalized for all men. Being polite, humble and cheerful are the biggest virtues any person can have

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  • I don't mind dating a nice girl but she must have an interesting life and something she is passionate about like hobbies whether artistic or athletic. IMPORTANT!
    Because if she was only a nice girl with normal life.. without any interesting hobbies she doesn't really attract me.

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  • We don't have enough "nice girls" these days. We need some more.

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  • Actually, I prefer a plain Jane. And being nice and being kind are two different things. Nice is more superficial. Kindness is what you should be. Like honesty, helping others, doing a favor and support a person.

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  • I like quiet and cheerful girls. I'm kind of like that as well. Only guys who know nothing about life go after the bad girls.

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  • I don't like quiet girls since I have to do all the talking and try to entertain her.
    Makes her feel like a ball and chain that I'm dragging around.
    mediamarathoning.com/.../Ball-and-Chain.jpg
    Never again.
    That's why I only go for extroverted girls now.

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  • I think nice girls are better and more fun to have a conversation with, at least they are honest about themselves and not full of bullshit.

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  • its because guys these days don't want long term relationships. when i think of a "nice girl" i think of an actual relationship. I think we all like "nice girls" but usually being with a "nice girl" requires a more emotional bond with each other. Some guys like being with "nice girls" some don't. If you want to be in a serious relationship, be yourself and all the wrong guys for you will cancel themselves out.

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  • The way I see it, every good girl deep down has a naughty girl waiting to be drawn out. Fulfilling the role of coaxing the naughtiness out of a good girl isn't boring in the slightest.

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  • You should never generalise. I am sure many guys think you are the bees knees

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What Girls Said 12

  • Being nice doesn't mean compatibility. Extroverts tend to draw crowd because people find them more approachable and friendly. Quiet people tend to give others the impression of the opposite. I just feel that the right one has not come along. Continue to be you while also slowly opening yourself up.

    I like nice guys but not those who have nothing to offer.. they need to talk and also show me another side of them beside being just nice. of course not saying they have to break lawsor hurt others.

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  • It doesn't matter if some insignificant pigs at a party prefer a more complicated girl. It's IMPOSSIBLE to please every mans preference. You can't change who you are because in the end you'll always be the same girl. Even if you were the bitchy type there would be many other men who would find you unattractive (Trust me, I have very bitchy sisters & friends. Even they get rejected).
    Those men you went on dates with may be bored because you may come off as too quiet. Remember, being a little reserved is okay but in order to have a good connection with a man you need to open up about your life & passions. Ask him questions about his life, his goals, beliefs, inner thoughts, etc. & respond with your own opinion.
    What are YOUR passions? What do you do on your free time? If you think you do little in your free time consider going out more. Try hiking, boxing, yoga, etc. Anything that gets you out of the house.
    Another thing that seems to raise a guy's interest is a little teasing. You can't go wrong with a little mean teasing.

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  • I know how you feel.. I worry the same thing... like, my favorite hobbies are going for walks, photography and fishing. And Netflix. I'm extremely low-maintenance, extremely introverted and it doesn't take much to make me happy. Even the guy I'm dating now says he really likes me, but has commented on my agreeableness.

    I'm not interested in extroverted and friendly people.. no offense to anyone, I just can't keep up with people like that. I'm into the socially awkward/geeky-I'm a sweetheart deep down even though I look like a hardass- type guy. In the past my niceness has attracted guys seeking mother figures. No thanks.

    Honestly, in my opinion, girls who attract guys like that can keep them. If anything, they're the boring ones.

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    • You sound like me! I have hobbies but I'm also really low key and low maintenance. I agree, girls who attract guys like that are welcome to keep them!

  • In my experience, most guys don't find passive girls interesting. A lot of girls confuse being nice with being passive. No drive of her own, never wants to do anything, is never excited about anything, and always responds with "meh" if asked if they want to do something.

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  • Dont generalize

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  • Yes, they probably do think that.

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  • even this girl thinks that nice girls are boring. it is much more fun to be naughty.

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  • I feel you! This sounds like my life.

    I guess some guys just prefer strong personalities.

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  • I don't know, every guy has a type..

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  • yes they do... apparently im beautiful and nice.. and guys hate me and aren't interested. They only seem to want to upset me and play some kind of crazy drama game and im not into that... men are crazy. they want the crazy b*tches and hate the nice women. Nice women aren't boring--these men are crazy too so they want psychos like themselves...

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  • I have to admit I've been there not like that though. I've had a guy I like end up seeing me as a "mother figure" yuck right? We're both the same age might I add so it freaked me the fuck out. When I asked him what type of girls he's into he said "you know the type that talks a shit ton and just lives in the moment. I don't like silent shy nice types" Total stab at my heart I felt like shit for a bit but... the girl he ended up dating was kinda bitchy and not all extroverted girls are but this was hella bitchy...

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  • You're probably going to think I'm a bitch when you read the following, but I'd probably take that as a compliment from you. :)

    I'll never understand why "nice" would be the highest thing that you would aspire to, or how you would want to definitively characterize yourself. But then again, I'm not the type of woman who goes around calling herself a "nice girl," nor do I really need to use sexist terms to demonize other women as "bitchy" or whatever, to make myself feel good, so maybe that's why. We all want different things in life.

    Also, what does being nice have to do with being quiet/mellow? Are these now being used interchangeably?

    Anyway, my thoughts. Passive is not something I would consider to be a positive quality (theres a trend here - my tastes are clearly different). Passive to me implies that you don't speak up for yourself, you express many opinions, you literally exist in a passive, non-confrontational manner, which is especially dangerous for relationships in my opinion. A passive aggressive person, for example, allows problems to manifest for years and you never have a clear idea of how they feel or what the problem is. If bitchy is synonymous with having opinions and being assertive about how you feel, then I would definitely say that is me. And I would much prefer that than someone who is passive.

    This reminds me of the nice guy syndrome. Nice is not necessarily good, first of all. At least not in my opinion. I've known plenty of people who seem nice on the surface but were actually nasty people or simply not what I personally find to be a "good person." Being a good person is so much more. There are other qualities in your personality other than being nice that are important. The bitchy girl may have those qualities. Who knows?

    I would say try to be more than nice. Try to be inspiring, interesting, passionate, intelligent, complex, captivating. Don't just sit there and laugh and cheer people on. Show what makes you unique and interesting. Live. I would never date someone just because they were "nice and cheerful." What else? My time and life are valuable. Investing too much in someone who is merely nice, let alone someone who also values being "passive", is just not worth it.

    Don't lose hope though - there are guys who do love girls who are like that. You just aren't meeting them in the right places, I guess. They're out there, trust me. Boring people have their matches everywhere, because not everyone finds the same things to be boring

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    • You have a lot of helpful points in your answer =). But I just wanted to say I wasn't trying to demonize her by calling her a bitch, and actually the guys called her that first. I admire that she's really confident and smart, but she's not a good person and I just can't be close to her. She talks s*** about people behind their backs and she loses her temper extremely easily, our whole group admitted you have to "tread lightly" around her

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