How deal with fear of rejection?

I have a crippling fear of rejection. Like to the point where I am currently avoiding my crush entirely even though we're friends because I don't want him to think I care too much about taking to him. I'm even afraid of FRIEND rejection. Not sure where it came from or how to conquer it. Help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Fear of rejection is common and comes from our evolution... but its no longer useful in today's world of endless dating options. We can literally murder someone, go to prison, and upon release simply move somewhere new... and start all over. So being rejected isn't even something that can hurt us anymore, and yet we all do.

    Maybe realizing that a fear of rejection is about protecting our insecure ego's might help you to see how silly this is. It's our EGO's that make us NEED for others to like and love us. And the EGO is a terrible thing when it's allowed to make life decisions for us, especially ones based on fear.

    Being needy in a way that encourages us to NEED our friends to like us is harmful... it hurts us because it makes us weird and fearful, and it hurts our friends because it makes us fake and manipulative. People can FEEL it when we're doing things to make them like us, and it pushes them away.

    So be weary of this.

    Instead I recommend you find the courage to be vulnerable, because that's more beautiful and honest and sweet and awesome.

    It's better to be rejected for being ourselves than to be accepted when we're being someone else.

    Rejection is a good thing.. it gets us closer to what we're after. If you're after an awesome loving boyfriend, then waking through the guys who aren't really into you is the fastest way to finding someone who IS totally into you. Why waste months orbiting some dude who's not really into you? Flirt, tease and be playful... and if he's not into it then move on to someone more worth your time!

    Because you're worth it.
    ~ Robby


Most Helpful Girl

  • Get over it. Stop selling yourself short. I had this problem. I know my worth but the fear of someone else not knowing it would drive me insane and it can mess up good relationships if you let it control you. I had to let it go and love myself. If you reject me, fine. It's not changing who I am. You just have to think about it like that.. you're only as valuable as YOU allow yourself to be.


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What Guys Said 3

  • one word; confidence

  • No I don't want to date you

  • Tequila or beer


What Girls Said 1

  • The best way to deal with any fear is to face it! So in order to deal with fear of rejection, you need to be told no over and over. Numb yourself to the sting :) This is how you conquer rejection. Maybe even set yourself up to be rejected. Don't give a f*ck about how you look, wear something plain, have on no make-up, and approach a random guy you will most likely never see again. Maybe even drive to a mall far away from home to ensure the odds of you two never seeing each other again lol When you go to the club, approach a guy and refuse to let your self-esteem and worth shrink when he doesn't want to dance. Do it over and over until you can still genuinely smile and hold your head high after being rejected. Then go for your crush.

    I learned this in a very complex relationship with a political refugee who had serious commitment phobia. His previous relationship had ended because a war tore apart the country and they both had no choice but to leave. He began his mission to escape and find refuge in America as her family began their mission to get her into an arranged marriage. When she got married and had a baby shortly after, it shattered his heart and later on made him run away from deep attachment in our relationship. The first time I told him I loved him, he ended the relationship saying "It was getting too serious." A week later, he wanted me back. He had a constant pattern of ending the relationship randomly because he felt himself falling in love and thought "another heartbreak would ruin him forever." There were times where I begged him to give things another try and he flat out said no over and over. Funny how he ended up falling madly in love with me anyway and he ended up begging for my affection and love. Anyhow, it sucked at the time, but the experience made me completely unafraid to be told no in any area of my life. There's no guy I won't approach or no opportunity I won't pursue out of being afraid of rejection.