Why Is It The Ones You Want Never Want You & The Ones You Don't Want never Leave You Alone?

I don't mean to sounds mean at all. I just want to know if anyone else experiences this. It seems like the only guys that seem to show interest in me are guys I don't want and just not interested in, yet the guys I show interest in never want me or they treat me like. Does anyone else go through this and how do you deal with it? Is it worth going out with someone you're not interested in?

Updates:
I just don't see the point in dating someone you are clearly no interested in. It would be a waste of time for both people. What is the point of dating if you can't have the person you want?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Half of this happens. I've never experienced the ones I don't want never leaving me alone, because to my knowledge no one has ever been interested in me. I don't know why - I'm not obese or ugly at all, I'm not a criminal, I'm not a drug addict or alcoholic, I don't even smoke. I am healthy, I'm educated, and I'd say I look at least decent. I have a few areas of life I need to improve on, but damn, I'm not that bad that I deserve to repulse every girl I like. I actually think I'm at least somewhat of a good person and a good catch.

    But I'm never good enough for the ones I want, even though we can get along. Still, when they started going out with some cocky douche, as they all have, it gets hard for me to stay around and watch that. It hurts. It really hurts because again, these were girls I could talk to really well, who I was genuinely interested in talking to and they seemed interested in getting to know me too because they'd open up to me and tell me things and talk to me in complete thoughts, not just "yeps" and "nopes". We had interests and ideals in common. It wasn't that I was going for people who have nothing in common with me and we could barely hold a conversation.

    I only hope these girls break up, and that I can get a second chance. But it doesn't look good and I'm really worried that the only choice I'm going to get is between settling for someone that I'm not crazy about, or just being single for my whole life. I'm tired of being single, but I just don't see any appeal in faking my way through a relationship with someone that I wouldn't date if I could have gotten those other girls. I won't really want to have sex with them and I won't really be interested in getting to know them and won't really want to make memories with them. My whole love life will be one forgettable blur. It would feel like I'm wasting my life. I'll always wish I could have been with the ones I wanted and I'll always curse myself for not having grown up confident, which I'm sure is the cause of this. It's like... I'll never arrive, never be complete, never be truly happy. And, I just don't want to play that role in life. I don't want to be a person who has to settle for less, I want to be the kind of person who gets what they want.

    But I just don't know how I can stop this from happening time and time again. I have guesses but nothing concrete. It's really annoying.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The goddamn truth right here

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    • I'm just glad I'm not the only who feels this way. I often get called a bitch for it but I'm just being honest. If I'm not into someone why would I date them and "force" chemistry?

    • You shouldn't. You should feel exactly like you do with the other ones except they should feel it back

    • That's where the issue lies, the ones I want never feel the same.

What Guys Said 11

  • My experience was that the ones I wanted didn't usually want me. But I tended to not notice the ones who did want me, because I was too caught up wanting someone I couldn't get.

    In hindsight I realize that there were several girls who tried to catch my attention, but I was just too focused on someone else to give them a chance. I was also horrible at picking up on the clues. My loss because some of them would have been great for me. All I can do is shake my head about how clueless I was back then.

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  • I offer this. Truly analyze what it is that you see in those you want but have no interest. Truly analyze why they are not interested. Truly analyze what those you are not interested in see in you, and again what you find they are lacking. A bit of self exploration may help you find out why you are rejecting and being rejected. You may come to find you may have interest in some of those you were previously uninterested in. You may also find that your behavior is turning off those you are interested in. simply describing a catch 22 never solves anything. Who knows some self exploration may show you you're not really interested in what you thought you were, or maybe you'll find that you're doing something undesirable. either way you can't make the needed changes without knowing what they are. Good luck.

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  • Yaa I go through it. I hang out with a friend is is way more alpha male than me. Why would any girl choose me over him? It really hurts knowing that I'm always the one overlooked. And the worst feeling is that feeling of failure that I'm not good enough, cause I hate losing. Even though he's my friend for life, I can't help but to feel jealous of him cause I'm not good enough. And tbh un my case, it never got easy, but however, I learnt to cope with it. I keep hope and work hard and focus on my future.

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  • Yeah you are absolutely right. It's a strange phenomena. People mostly fall in deep love with wrong person. Not every time but it happens.

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    • It really is and I don't want to seem like a bitch but I don't want to go out with someone I'm really not interested in. It would just be a waste of time for both of us.

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    • Isn't everyone picky at some point? :) and I feel like most people should be more picky instead of settling just to have a relationship with someone that they really don't want and just filling a void.

  • I say count yourself lucky, nobody shows interest I'm me, not even people I'm not necessarily interested in.

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  • Hard to get my love. If you tease me, il want you, if you keep teasing and make me chase il want you more. Now if you want me and lick my leg every possible second... maybe have sex with you, but nothing more because your an ass licker. Catch my drift?

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  • We like the things we just can't have. I don't think we should date people we don't like it'll only lead to heartache that's not fair for the one feeling it.

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  • We often want what we cannot have.
    We often want what is not good for us.
    We often want what our mind and body tell us not to.

    The key is not to find what what you want, but what you need.
    You will find it not by looking, it never happens like that.

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  • I really don't worry about it , if a girl / woman doesn't want me I'm moving on

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    • True but what about the ones you don't want that keep trying to talk to you?

    • The ones who try talking to me have husbands/ boyfriends they really can't
      be all that happy but i try not to into deep with talking to them cause I'm not
      getting hurt ,

    • The ones taken i just usually move on not worth me being played for second best

  • All the time. Also the girls I have no interest in, always think I like them, and vice versa. I have no idea how it happens, but it's definitely one of newton's laws of physics or something.

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  • the ones that want you are in the same position as you

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What Girls Said 11

  • I hear that!
    Have faith that just being YOU will attract The One.
    That said, my The One didn't want me any closer than another one in their corral BUT as years past, the combination on that lock changed and these have been the happiest days of my life together, finally.

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    • So you're saying, your "The One" didn't want you at first but changed over the years?

      It always makes me happy to hear when someone busted out of the damn Friend Zone and got the one they wanted to see them as a love interest after all, the way they really wanted to be. Good job :)

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    • I didn't have to do anything except allow the world to turn a few more times. I got involved with another more willing, got dumped years later, so went knocking on that door again... to find that they were finally ready to get serious with someone and I was their historic favorite, so blew my competitors away. Like I said, combinations to locks change and then there's timing that no human can plan... thanks, Jesus!

    • To be honest I dont see that working for me. It's pretty clear I dont have much luck with dating.

  • It's called life and yes i've experienced it myself. But you know what? One day you'll fins someone who'll make up for all the times you've felt that way. There's no point in wasting time thinking about things like that because every second that you are, you could be contributing towards your future or you could be making memories. So when you're old and grey you can look back and say "That was a life well lived" and laugh back on things rather than sitting there and wishing you had done things differently and made the most of it. You have the time now so do it!

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  • Yes it's okay, because you may fall in love with them when you get to know them better. Don't take them for granted, be happy you have them and try to make out with the ones that care for you, not the ones who don't. People tend to like the ones who don't care for them, do the opposite, you'll be happier.

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  • Happens.
    Maybe your approach to the ones you like is off putting or too shy or too rough and the ones you don't really care about as much is relaxed and charismatic. Everyone likes the relaxed and charismatic person more than the off putting one.

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  • It's just that you'll have a lot more times when the interest is mismatched than times when the attraction is mutual, because the mutual attractions last and therefore you don't have time for as many of them in a single life. Don't stress - it's supposed to go this way, and there is a good relationship at the end of all the mismatches.

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  • Life is unfair :(

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  • Well that's life for you.

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  • I'm currently going through it and it's been difficult. I don't think it's worth dating someone who I'm not interested in; I just try to keep my mind busy, but that hasn't helped. :(

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    • That's where I'm at too but nothing is helping me reallyreally. It just sucks because I see all of my friends are married or in long term relationships and any guy in show interest in doesn't want me and the ones who show interest are ones I don't want.

  • Yes I have been through this. It happened long ago

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  • I go through that crap constantly!! You're not alone. As far as an answer goes, I just have no clue why this happens. I can tell you that it's never worth it to settle on someone you don't want!

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    • Thanks. I wasn't looking for a definite answer just some perspectives and of anyone experience this as well.

  • no! if you're not interested don't go out with him. but yeah that's happened to me too.

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