Dating two men, feelings towards both of them (and them towards me) are getting intense. Feeling afraid and guilty. :(?

I'm in my late 30's and have suffered many years of dating men who were afraid of commitment or just not that into me. However, almost a year ago, things turned around for me tremendously as I now have two men who I've developed special bonds with, and am now in the heart-wrenching position of feeling like I have to choose.

I was dating guy number 1 (he's 28 years old) for nine months without a "proper" commitment (never an official boyfriend) which was my choice. He fell for me very hard, yet I didn't want to commit as I didn't think he was my type and I guess I took him for granted and couldn't recognise my feeling for him. I ended it four months ago.

A month later I met guy number 2 (he's 25 years old) and was blown away that a guy as awesome as him was into me. We have lots of fun together and never fight and my friends love him. We have no commitment, we are "seeing" each other (yes, we are sleeping together). He's very affectionate and just an all round great guy.

However, about 6 weeks ago I started to miss guy number 1 terribly. I tried to ignore my feelings as I was excited to be seeing guy number 2 who just seemed like a better fit. I also found out guy number 1 had a new girlfriend so didn't want to upset their new relationship. However, guy number 1 called me 3 weeks ago and told me he still has strong feelings and wants me back. I confessed that I was feeling miserable without him and he came over. I told him about guy number 2 and that I didn't want to hurt his girlfriend. However, as pathetic as I sound, I just couldn't resist his advances and we had (amazing) sex. The sex with guy 1 is mind-blowing.

I have strong negative emotions about what I have done and what I should do next. Anxiety, guilt, and misery over my extreme indecision about letting either of them go, and my tremendous guilt about guy 1's girlfriend and feeling like I have "cheated" on guy 2. My friends say I have done nothing wrong but I feel like I've been a whore.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Go cougar! You're not a whore unethical maybe but not a whore. You know who you see a future with. If the timing isn't right then there's not much you can do but either wait or be a homewrecker

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    • I didn't think I would ever do something like this. I think I want to tell guy 1 it was a mistake. I have no commitment from guy 2 as yet, wondering if it's better to keep it to myself and continue to date him. Nobody's perfect, and it's not like I'm enjoying myself. I don't mean to sound sorry for myself, but the experience has been very painful.

    • Don't be so hard on yourself we've all done relationship mistakes

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you weren't u to guy number 1 enough. You only missed him when he found someone that appreciated him. 9 months is a long time to not feel anything. Anyone I date I feel something early and it just gets stronger. I think 9 months feeling nothing stringing him on isn't fair to him and I get how it happend though but that whole time you felt nothing. The sex was great and that wasn't enough to get you to like him, guy 2 you feel something right away you get along well. He sounds better. But seriously if guy number 1 interests you than neither are right for you. When I am into someone I stop thinking of anyone else. Walk away have time for clarity and see what it feels like with neither of them. You aren't a whore. I get it guys don't commit. But when one is the right one you only want him. My money in on guy 3 as in neither of these guys. There is someone waiting for you to meet him stop wasting your time with 1&2. There is someone ghat will make u forget they exist.

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What Guys Said 1

  • No man likes to find out he's been dipping his laddle into another soup pot. Prepare to be dumped twice when the shit hits the fan.

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    • guy number 1 knows everything, it's just guy 2 who i haven't told. Yes i agree with the first sentence, that's my problem. I don't think it will come to the second sentence to be perfectly honest, but thanks.

What Girls Said 1

  • I was in that position too, and it did not go well. I will give you my opinion leave guy 1 once and for all (it already did not work out once). Also you have a higher chance he will not take you serious anymore. Also leave guy 2 because you already cheated on him (imagine if you were in his shoes). Start a new relationship correctly. Their are many men out there. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

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