I am falling hard for a man in special forces, but I've never been so scared- how do I deal with the stress and how do I know if I can't handle it?

I know nothing about military life nor have I ever thought about being in a relationship with someone in the military, let alone SF. But I really like him and want to at least give it a try. I am afraid that I might not be cut out for the stress of everything, and I don't want to make a promise of commitment that I can't keep. I am just clueless as to what to do - this wouldn't be an issue if I didn't feel so strongly for him! Thanks for any help and please be patient with my ignorance


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It isn't as simple as some may make it out to be. Personally I haven't married so I am a terrible candidate for this question... however here is my unprofessional opinion... I would say that having a man in the special forces is difficult, however he will be one of the best fathers. If he is in army SOF-A (Special Operational Forces Detachment Alpha) they will run a background check on you; if he is in SOF-D/E/B expect to be stalked, background checked the whole 9 yards. While in the special forces he won't be able to disclose info to you because of your safety... since he is special forces and if he is an officer you will be treated especially well. Most likely you will live on base at a singular base in North Carolina I believe since that is the home of SF. As for friends you will have other mothers there and you can have little group therapy sessions together. And I do believe you can have a life as well. Hope this helps:)

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    • Thanks, actually it does a lot -kinda gives me a better picture of the kind of life

    • It isn't bad what-so ever, just difficult:)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ever been to a store and there's only one left of the perfect "whatever", even if overpriced? What to do? Think about it, watch it evaporate? GRAB IT, life is short!

    Otherwise, here's a list of guys to avoid due to stress & worries:
    Police
    Firefighters
    Doctors (never around when not exhausted)
    Military, esp. in war zones
    Divers
    High pressure repairs
    Air traffic controllers
    Gun range operators
    Building inspectors, esp. high rise
    other, too many to mention
    + you never know when a heart attack/other or auto accident will surprise them

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What Guys Said 10

  • Remember, attempting to start a relationship is NOT the same as commitment.

    It might do you some good to learn a little about military life or what he does or something... like what branch he's in. Some people in special forces or the military just push pencils around all day. The best way to find out would be to ask him or people who you know who also know him. Things might not be as bad or frightening as you think they may be, since movies and TV shows and other media often hugely exaggerate or misrepresent what special forces or life in the military are actually like.

    Remain skeptical, yet optimistic.

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  • As someone who is planning on joining the army in 1.5 years, And having 4 friends who have come out of it (1 from Royal Air Force, 1 from Parachute Regiment and 2 from the Royal Marines), I can pretty much confirm military relationships dont work, All 4 of them went into the army with relationships, and didn't come out with them.

    You are literally talking going upwards of 1/2 a year without seeing them, and given how they are special forces (Sort of like how my buddies in the Parachute Regiment and Royal marines were, Which, Assuming your in the US, Those 2 groups are some of the most elite in the UK Military), You basically never know where they are or what they are doing as they aren't allowed to tell you.

    So yeah... I wish you good luck but.. its gonna suck.

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  • Trust me, if you are falling for this dude you have to fall for the special forces too. Do not start a serious relationship with this guy and then build something meaningful and then half way through a deployment you decide it's not gonna work and then write him a Dear John letter. In terms of dealing with the stress of deployment and being away from him, there are support groups and you might still get to talk to him. At some point you just have to decide whether this is something you are going to be able to deal with or not but don't make the decision if you're not sure.

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  • I don't think there's anyway with dealing with it, just hope for that he will be back home safe or tell him that you can't handle it because what would be worse telling him that you can't be with him due to this or him finding you in the arms of another man

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  • Most bases have support groups for the person not in the service. Another suggestion is to start making gf's with other women who's hubby is in.

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  • Now when you say sf do you mean actual green berets or something else? Because sf is used pretty loosely nowadays. Its a dangerous job to be sure. You'd never be able to talk with him about what he actually does so you'll only ever be able to imagine it.

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  • People in special forces don't die very often. When they do, it hits the news. Unconventional warfare is quiet, stealthy, and when firefights do happen, those in special operations devastate their opponents due to vastly better training; after all, an untrained Muslim extremist is little match against a modern-day Spartan.

    I wouldn't be that worried--unless we go to war with Russia. In that case of supreme NATO stupididty, all of Western-Europe is done for, anyways.

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  • Having your partner in the military isn't easy by any stretch of the word, and its certainly not for everyone

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  • Go for it sis.

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  • It is interesting you would say this. Having a military background within the Special Forces (to which I do not discuss) I can understand how he may feel. I am in a relationship and I feel that she is a much stronger person than I am for all she puts up with, the worry and the stress. She does not talk to me much about it because I do not like the fact that I bring such worry in to her life but I know it does affect her a lot. All I can say is, is that it will not be easy but if he is worth it then accept him and his job. If he is anything like I was, he will try to push you away (as I tried with my Partner to which it did not work), it is just how we deal with it. We understand what it does to or at least understand how it affects you, and we would not want that so we naturally move to cut things. If you love him, with no doubt, persevere. Trust him, love him and know that he needs you more than your realise. I wish you all the best

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What Girls Said 5

  • See where things go. Don't overthink too much. If he is very special to you and is nice and invites you on dates, buys you flowers and cares about you as a person, then give him a go. Those guys are rare. If not, stop frollicking with unavailable dudes and get serious with your life.

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  • If you end up with him his job will be a big part of your lives...
    Find out whatever you can about his job, educate yourself, google it, talk to people who know about it.
    And ask him about it...

    But if you're falling for him you're probably there already, so I say good for you. =)

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  • He'll probably get hurt and have to rerate or get medically discharged. It's not a big deal. Seriously, thats what happens to most special force members. 😏

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  • If you feel the love why not give it a try? I hope everything goes well for you 🙏🏻

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  • It is a tough life for military men and women and heir partners. I don't have any advice because I've never been in your shoes. All I can say is he's a good guy and it's going to be hard but it will be worth it if you both want it to work

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