Why do girls think that just because a guy is attractive and confident that he's a player?

I'm a confident and good-looking guy, but the last thing I am or want to be is a player. I date girls, but only one at a time and only after I've vetted them for compatibility. I could have fucked dozens of girls in college, but I'm starting grad school and I've only had 4 sex partners. So why do girls automatically assume that attractive guys are all players? Guys don't assume that all hot girls are sluts. Do girls think that a guy who can have dozens of girls actually *will* have them? It seems that every time I meet a girl I have to spend the first few months dispelling her preconceived notions that I'm out to use her for sex.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not sure how much of a "player" we think you are more than we think it may be unrealistic for us to have a shot with you OR that many girls are attracted to you and we don't feel like trying to vie for your attention. Guys who exude confidence paired with attractiveness almost automatically attract women. We could assume that you are or have been with a lot of girls, just because we see your attractiveness (behavior and physically). Many guys in your position may take advantage of that position.
    I apologize to you from ladies who have misconstrued you and your actual feelings. That isn't right. I think I am guilty of these assumptions sometimes. It's awesome that you are calling the status quo of these assumptions into question.
    However, I think that one thing to remember is that as ladies, we are just trying to protect our hearts and ourselves from hurt, which we may have seen at the hands of attractive and confident men in the past. So, just show me your character and show me the honorable man that you are :)

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What Girls Said 17

  • It's because girls know girls and how strongly they can come on to attractive guys - and most guys would find it very hard to resist! Plus, hot guys generally become pretty big headed, and start acting however they like because no girl will call them out on it! So we assume any guy who can have any girl he wants HAS had every girl he wants... also cause many guys seem to be lead by their little friend! That's what I think anyway!

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  • Not all girls have this train of thought, just like not all guys think hot girls are sluts. Some women are just more cautious than others, having been played in the past and being leery of guys that resemble the ones who screwed them over.

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  • A lot of girls have been with guys that make them feel safe that treat them right and sweet talk them and whisper bullshit in their ears. After about 2-3 weeks they show how they really are. I'm not saying this is you, but some guys as soon as they're done getting what they want (sex) they will break up with the girl or cheat on her or disrespect her in another way. So then this girl spends x amount of months trying to get her shit together again so that when she meets another guy it doesn't happen again. A lot of the time she ends up with another player so that's why the girls you date are like this. and yes "Players" are usually players because well they're hot so they're confident, so the girls associate it with you.

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  • Mostly, it's just steriotypes. Also, guys like that may have dated many girls around them (or including!) , or someone who acted like that cheated on them. just like sometimes you always assume the black guys come from the hood and like watermelon? I do not, I personally HATE steriotypes, I feel you man. I feel you.

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  • I'm not sure why. But I suppose I have been guilty of assuming that as well. However the majority (for high schoolers) of hot guys are usually so aware that they're attractive they use it to get girls.
    But the guy I like right now is attractive and has girls throwing themselves at him. Lucky for me he politely declined their advances.

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  • Personal experiences speak eh? You got a lot of persuading to do. :)

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  • because this type of guys can approach girls easily and girls like them.. obviously they would have more choices...

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    • Just because we have choices doesn't mean we can't commit to one girl. Consider the irony in what you wrote. Confident, attractive guys are what girls because we have the social power to get girls, but the fact that we can get girls is what makes you skeptical of us. If you want a confident guy, you take all of him. Guys have plenty to deal with when we're with hot girls.

    • i agree with what you said. You need to show girls that you can commit then. Girls need to feel secured...

  • Because we over analyze everything we think because u have confidence you will use it to have more then one girl because u are able to It's not a bad thing. think of it as them saying u have a lot of confidence

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  • I don't always think that. It might just be me, but usually you can tell by their walk and the way they carry themselves if the overconfidence is present...

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  • but why don't you just have sex?

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  • I don't think they're players, they're more often jerks.

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  • Because most are. The way a woman treats you may have a lot to do with how a man or men hurt her

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    • I would say maybe 50% of the best looking guys at most are players.

  • Players? Many girls don't think that guys are players, we think that they are lady's men, no players.

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  • Because girls listen to the stereotype and believe it

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  • Because they usually are. You're the exception i suppose.

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  • Just ask her out already and prove your loyalty!

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  • Because of how he represent himself I suppose. Usually confident guy are flirty and thats because they know they are good looking and can get any girls. If he flirts with everyone then of cos I think he's a player.

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