I'm 21, 6'4", but women seem repulsed by me. How can I get over being self-conscious about my height, physical appearance, and the way women treat me?

I'll get it out of the way first and say straight up - I'm gonna be 21 in a matter of 5 weeks and have NEVER had a girlfriend or any sort of relationship. I never see women checking me out, they show ZERO interest in me, and the few dates I've been on went nowhere. It is depressing, but I chalk it up to being in an all boys school for the entirety of elementary and high school, which probably fucked me up a little. I'm in a co-ed uni now but I haven't had any success. I think part of the problem is a toxic cycle of thoughts and experiences that have shaped me. Almost everywhere I go I get an extremely off-putting 'vibe' from women - especially attractive ones. The fact that I'm almost 6'4" tall almost makes it seem like the 'women like tall guys' thing just doesn't matter for my circumstance. Like I'm some kind of freakish outlier. There's literally been times where I've tried to talk to female friends of (the few) male friends I have and they just outright ignored me. Women usually scowl at me when they look at me, which has made me think that there's something seriously wrong with my appearance - whether it's my face or me being really lanky. It's all made me turn to online dating in the form of OKC and Tinder which have further wrecked my confidence. I went on several tinder dates last summer which went nowhere, and in my months of using OKC haven't gotten a SINGLE date. Being almost 6'4" I just feel like a freak walking around everywhere, and seeing girls with more normal height guys makes me wonder if being black and this tall just intimidates them. Anyways, I just wanted to vent here and see if people can give me their first impression of me, because this stuff is past the point of depressing me to making me a pissed off and bitter individual.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe it's not your height, lankiness, or looks holding you back, but actually your insecurities that are tied to your inexperience and your looks?

    Gain some confidence. Maybe try to work out and gain some muscle -- not necessarily to look better, but to literally feel better since exercise tends to have that awesome effect. Learn to love yourself and be more friendly. People are probably intimidated by your height, so show them that you're a nice/cool/chill person.

    You're definitely not the only 20/21-year-old to have never had a girlfriend before. You actually have a pretty good excuse considering you were in an all-boys school growing up. If it makes ya feel any better, I had my first relationship ever at 20.

    There's nothing wrong with your height, by the way. You're tall, thin... now you just gotta dress real nice and maybe you'll have a model-vibe going on =) good luck with everything.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • you're lucky you are that tall

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What Girls Said 2

  • If you're not a super awkward, insecure guy, girls probably presume you can get anyone. When girls see really hot guys, they become insecure and presume the guy would play them, so they are afraid to look desperate if they show any interest in him. I see it all the time, they always have to pursue. They mostly get the girls, but they have to go for the girl themselves.

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  • Gain some self-confidence

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What Guys Said 1

  • 6'4" is much better than being 5'4.5".

    Just learn to accept it and be confident.

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