Do you think cheating in a relationship is conscious action and there could be no other explanation?

Basically guys often say there were drunk, but actually people do not lose their mind even being drunk.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whether something is a "conscious" action is very different from whether an action was taken with complete understanding (at that moment) between "right and wrong."

    A person's level of "consciousness" is a very weak proxy for how well a person is able to distinguish "right from wrong."

    Compare:

    http://www.crystalinks.com/freud.id.ego.jpg (states of consciousness)

    With:

    www.integra-cpd.co.uk/.../...hild_adult_parent.jpg (the interaction between the 'inner child,' 'inner adult' (i. e., executive decision-making center), and 'inner adult').

    Also,

    Compare:

    www.justia.com/criminal/defenses/intoxication/ (defense of "inability to form criminal intent to commit a criminal action" because of intoxication)

    With:

    criminal.findlaw.com/.../the-m-naghten-rule.html (defense of insanity due to "inability to distinguish right from wrong," despite being able to form an intent to commit an action)

    "Drunk" is not a binary status - there are "shades" and "degrees" of being drunk.

    When people are "somewhat drunk," they can still form the intent to perform certain acts. The formation of that intent can be, and often is, a very conscious thought.

    But, the fact that it was a thought that was made at the "conscious" level does not mean that it was based on a completely rational thinking or reasoning process.

    When people have alcohol, the "inner parent" (i. e., the superego) becomes mute. What people call "inhibitions" are the stuff the superego is made of. Thinking like, "Eww, don't talk to that guy! You're not easy! You're not cheap! Make him work for it. Be a little hard-to-get. Don't let him kiss you. Don't touch him. You don't want to be a slut! You don't want him, his friends, your friends, Facebook, your family, etc. thinking you are XYZ, do you?" does not take place (or at least as often or as loudly/strongly).

    Similarly, competing thoughts such as, "What about your girlfriend? How would she feel? Dude, you're already in a relationship," are not making their way through to the "ego" (i. e., the executive decision-making center of the brain).

    So, when the "id" (i. e., the inner child) of the brain is sending messages of, "She's hot, I want her. Dude, kiss her. OMG! I want... I want... I want" and there is no other competing thought... "at the CONSCIOUS LEVEL," a person can make some very bad and wrong CONSCIOUS choices and decisions.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, of course it's a conscious action. Cheating is a decision, it's never a "mistake." People make the choice to cheat. I don't care how drunk someone is, they still make that choice if they are in a relationship and get physical with another person.

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What Guys Said 36

  • People tend to make poor choices when they are drunk, but they are still able to make those decisions. This is why straight guys aren't getting drunk and sleeping with gay guys. Straight guys don't want to sleep with other guys, so they choose not to.

    Being drunk is never an excuse for either gender. I am tired of people trying to escape their own personal responsibility by hiding behind the fact they were drunk. Alcohol is going to effect your inhibitions, which is why it is our own responsibility to control how much we drink. If people really can't control themselves while drunk, then they should have known better than to drink in the first place. This is the reason we send drunk drivers to jail, instead of feeling sorry for them.

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  • Here's the way I see it.

    I don't care whether being drunk makes you lose your mind, or if it doesn't.

    At SOME point, SOMEWHERE, you had a CHOICE. You chose to raise that fifth or sixth, or whatever how many glass to your lips, that finally tipped you over the edge and made you drunk.

    The glass didn't force it's way down your throat, the drinker made that choice.

    Blaming a bottle for one's stupid decisions is like blaming a gun for pulling the trigger on it's own. It's fucking stupid. Human beings just don't want to take responsibility for their actions, and they will go so far in their ignorance to even blame a fucking inanimate object. THAT shows you how stupid people are.

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  • Oh, absolutely. I've heard guys say "it just happened." My response has been what happened? You were walking along and tripped and your dick landed in a pussy?

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  • People do "lose their mind" when being drunk, though. I mean "losing their mind" isn't the best way to put it, but it certainly does cloud judgement and change personalities. Trust me, I've put up with my alcoholic mother years enough to know that.

    Not that I'm excusing cheating of course I'm more talking about drunkenness in general. I do definitely think that they WANTED to cheat if they did it, drunk or not, but drink does bring out latent feelings that otherwise wouldn't be expressed naturally. "A drunk person's words are a sober person's thoughts", I believe the adage is.

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  • so i guess girls who have sex drunk and cry rape the next morning, made a conscious choice to sleep with that man, so they shouldn't be able to press charges

    because they "do not lose their mind even being drunk"

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  • when people get drunk they don't forget their name. they don't forget they have a girlfriend. they don't forget they have a wife (or husband).
    So if they cheat, they want to cheat.
    and lets say someone has a medical issue that makes them forget those things. well that person would know that and they chose to drink. so they are responsible.
    Cheaters are pieces of shit and deserve no consideration.
    Once a cheater, always a cheater.
    I think it is even worse when women cheat. But it is supremely fucked up when either sex cheats. so fuckem..

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  • It is always a conscious decision. Even being drunk isn't an excuse. Drinking lowers you inhibitions, it doesn't make you do things you don't want to do. It just makes things easier.

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  • They know exactly what they're doing, and they also know why.

    Typically it's due to physical or emotional dissatisfaction and feeling detached from your relationship and the other person, so you don't see it as a problem.

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  • I think all cheating begins with the sub-conscious desire to do so. You seem to hinge it on the conscious decision, but I consider that to be little more than a minor detail. If they are cheating when they drunk then they would like to cheat when sober. And that's all that really maters. They intend to cheat - whether or not they are successful or even active in their quest doesn't matter. They want to, so they must not be entirely satisfied.

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  • It is a choice plain and simple it always will be for both men and women.

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  • Being drunk makes your judgments slower and changes a host of behaviors.

    When people are drunk they have less self checking mechanisms and don't think before acting. That's why its illegal to drive drunk.

    Yes, the guy cheated when he was drunk, but it's not entirely his fault. He got himself drunk but alcohol causes him to make different choices. But, this goes both ways. Drunk girls can cheat on their boyfriends as well.

    So if you're saying only guys can cheat drunk I disagree, if you're saying being drunk doesn't mean you didn't cheat, I disagree.

    Bottom line, drunk guys might have cheated, but remember they might not have given consent or even remember cheating.

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  • Inhibitions drop, but that doesn't mean self-control is impossible. The police still prosecute those whom drive under the influence even if their inhibitions are lowered; being drunk doesn't work as an excuse.

    Keep in mind, there definitely are drugs that, when taken, essentially disable self-control while inebriated. Intelligence agencies use these. But, alcohol is not one of those.

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  • Being drunk doesn't make your brain stop thinking it just gives you more courage to do things you'd otherwise never do. It also impaires your judgment for consequences

    So does that make it an excuse... that's a grey zone and subjective to individuals

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  • Alcohol does reduce inhibitions and therefore people make rash decisions when drinking.

    That's why it up to the person to not drink too much!

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    • You're still perfectly in control.
      Being drunk isn't an excuse for any other bad decision (drunk driving hm?) So why would it be for cheating?

    • @RachelBrigs

      I Didn't mean to imply that alcohol is an excuse.

  • Its always a conscious action either due to unfulfillment, boredom or grass is greener on the other side syndrome.

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  • If you can't handle the alcohol stop drinking guys and girls, but don't cheat. You are guilty. Stop blaming your drinking habit for your dishonesty.
    They lose the mind but who told them to drink if they can't handle and go sit with girls.

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  • No question, it's a conscious action. You have to be ready to cheat walking into that room, you know what you're body is telling you to do and if you're a decent person you walk away from that situation and never return. Or you cheat on your finace with 6 guys in a month, tell him it was a mistake then turn the blame to him.

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  • Fck that no explanations. If I was in a relationship or even married and you cheat you will never hear or see me again.

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    • When I start getting exclusive with a girl I tell her from the start that if she wants to fck somebody else just to tell me. I don't ask her who her friends are.. I let her do whatever she wants. If she's going to cheat she will do it regardless if I am suspicious or not. Why choose to look insecure? That being said if she is going the movies with another guy solo then that is a bit of suspicion.. at that point I would just leave the relatonship.

  • Yes it is always a conscious decision on the cheater's part...
    He/she knows that it is wrong but doesn't care enough to stop it right before it happens...

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    • And yes even being drunk if no excuse... Not even a small chance...
      If you can't handle your drink then don't drink... Simple!

  • they know what they are doing, even if drunk. but alcohol impairs judgment so they might do something they would never do while sober. but that still isn't an excuse

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  • Under the influence of alcohol can impair anyone's mind
    and decision making

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  • Whether it was conscious or not, it did happen, There is no way to tell how drunk they were at the time. If its a completely committed relationship, it could be an issue.

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  • "lose their mind" lol.

    Their inhibitions drop. Meaning, it's easier to do things they wouldn't normally do.
    (i. e. cheat)

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  • Being drunk is a bad excuse for cheating.

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  • Hmm I still wouldn't accept being drunk as an excuse.

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  • I never experienced alcohool , it will make you take stupid decisions. but you must know something , if a girl is drunk , she'll do anything to sleep with someone. it's just like being fainted.

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  • When it's something as significant as that, I don't care what you say... you know exactly what you're doing and make the conscious choice to do so

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  • There is no decent reason for cheating. The cheater wanted to do it. Drunk or no.

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  • yes, it is choice

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  • If you are like knocked down it'd be hard to kiss someone... Anyone sometimes someone lose their mind for it and it depends about how much you drink

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 18

  • Cheating is 100% a choice, I don't care how you slice it. To say it is a mistake is an afterthought, because many times, after the affair fog lifts, it is then thought of as a mistake. But starting the affair, continuing the affair and so forth, are still choices.

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  • Oh absolutely, I'm so sick of people saying "I was drunk", because why would the fact that you're drunk make you cheat, you cheat when you honestly want to, being drunk if anything just makes you more ballsy.

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  • It's hard to explain how conscious of an action cheating really is. I don't believe anyone who says they cheated because they were drunk, therefore incapable of monitoring their actions, though.
    For one, drunken words are sober thoughts. I've yet to experience a time where I did something while completely white girl wasted that I would never be okay with myself doing when sober. Sure people might do things are usually too inhibited to do when sober but that's about it.

    As a matter of fact, in one of my past relationships, I did cheat (sort of) when drunk. We weren't yet officially together, hence the 'sort of' cheating. I was talking with another guy on night when I and this guy I was sort of with decided to go to a local bar. I could tell this other guy was into me and hoping to get some. I did make out with him on that very night, during which I was perfectly aware of what I was doing. I knew it was not the best idea, even when drunk.

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  • When you're black out drunk, it does affect your ability to be coherent. Being just kind of drunk however, you arguably have more control. It depends on just how drunk someone is. After all, if we say men can't non-coherently sleep with someone, then we could argue that women who are raped while intoxicated were coherent, which of course doesn't make sense. Mind you, this would need to be a great level of intoxication.

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  • I think physical cheating is always a choice. It doesn't matter. People put themselves into situations where physically cheating on their partner could result. Don't allow yourself to get too drunk. Don't allow yourself to be too close to someone, especially someone you find extremely attractive. You can choose not to put yourself in those kinds of situations.

    Emotional cheating is different to me. I think that is not always a conscious effort.

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  • Yes. I have been drunker than the drunkest. BEYOND intoxicated. SO drunk that my friends and I got into some crazy ish. But NEVER have I wanted to cheat EVER. Cheating is a character flaw that some people try to blame on alcohol.

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  • I think it's a conscious action. When you're with a person you love, I believe you wouldn't even want to look at another guy or girl nevermind cheat on them. Just my opinion though.

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  • You most definitely can lose your mind when your drunk. Been there many times. You can also blackout where you don't remember a damn thing. I still don't condone that kind of behaviour , but it can and does happen. Up to you if you want to drink that much.

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  • A man doesn't black out and end up with his penis in someone. It's a choice and will always be one. Even if alcohol was involved, the person made the choice to drink.

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  • cheating is not a mistake, it's a choice. The person making that cheating decision already knows the consequences yet he/she still cheats. But alcohol wise, it depends how many drinks and also the alcohol level they've had. If the guy/girl really loves you he/she would go drinking with the people they trust the most or stay over at their friend's house who they trust the most not to do anything stupid.

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  • I think they're well aware of what they're doing no matter what situation they're in. I think at that moment though, they don't think about that person or they forget when they're drunk. But either way, I feel like there's no excuse since they lead themselves into drinking too much and ending up cheating

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  • Yeah, there is no excuse for cheating.

    Temptations will invite but doesn't mean you should accept it.

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  • They made the choice knowing that it's cheating and knowing that it's wrong

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  • first of all, if a guy is super blackout drunk that he has no clear mind, he couldnt even cheat. Because there would literally nothing go up down there. And if he is just drunk than he knows exactly whats going on. He probably just doesn't feel guilty about it anymore or thinks about you not even for a second. So my answer, dont let your guy drink out all night with his guys and you dont know where he is.

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  • I think they know what they are doing. No excuses. Cheating is cheating and you should not stay with someone if they cheat.

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  • Whether a guy is drunk or not he is responsible for his own actions.

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  • It's a conscious thing. You just don't accidently slip and fall on a vagina or dick.
    If they were truly that drunk to not know their actions, how do they even know that they cheated?

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  • I believe cheating is always a choice. I have been very drunk in the past, but i was still able to say , " no" to sex.

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