How to date a girl I'm not attracted to?

I'm almost 21, have never had a girlfriend, or a girl really want to even be with me... So I figure that the best way to build confidence is to get ANY success with ANY girl and, well, I figure that I can probably only date one I'm not attracted to. I know it's an increidbly mean thing to say... but some people just aren't very attractive. I don't want to use someone... but at the same time, why live a miserable life completely alone?

How can I overlook a complete lack of attraction to someone? (and how can I keep any form of self-esteem if they turn me down...)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Please don't use girls to build your confidence. There's enough of them going around and breaking hearts! What if one of these girls that you have no attraction for whatsoever ends up falling hard for you?

    I recommend you join a club, go the gym, go bowling or whatever it is you like to do for fun, that way when you meet a girl there you'll already have a common interest when you talk to her. But don't dive in and start flirting right away (especially with cheesy pick up lines - we've heard them all). Get to know her a little and show her the fun, awesome guy you are! If things go well and you're genuinely interested in her and she's reciprocating, throw in a sincere compliment and ask for her number if you actually plan to call her. Otherwise don't. It drives us girls crazy when a guy asks for our number, says he'll call and then never does. Either way, approaching girls with the intent of just being friendly will take off the pressure and make you less nervous. Be confident. Fake it if you have to. Eventually you'll gain enough confidence to talk to girls that you are actually romantically interested in. If you get rejected, oh well, it's a part of life you'll have to get used to and learn not take it so personally. Their loss. Move on.

    But please don't get involved with someone you're not attracted to just for the sake of having a girlfriend. You won't only hurt her, you'll be miserable as well. Good luck!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • By 'not attracted' are you suggesting 'not struck by her attractiveness' or 'actively put off by'?

    I can't tell if you're trying to date someone you find really zero attraction scale, or if you're simply looking at people you weren't naturally drawn to.

    In my own experience, and what I witnessed, people without much dating experience sometimes have very -high- physical standards. They are looking for people whose looks give them an immediate emotional buzz to be around, and I'm not sure -that- is needed.

    What is needed? Is that the idea of them getting naked seems appealing. If you feel nothing more for them then you would for an inanimate object, or worse, don't do it. If you're kind of indifferent, but find them sexually attractive enough that the idea of getting them naked seems arousing, then go for it.

    I think you need to feel a little lust, you don't need to think 'oh she's so pretty'. Odds are it won't go anywhere, but if you emotionally fall for a girl, I suspect you'll start seeing her -expressions- and behavior as cute, the way people do with others they are close to. But that bit of lust needs to be there.

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    • This was put very well. It is the people I find averagely attractive at best that I fall the hardest for. I'm not being overtaken by their looks, I'm being overtaken by them.

      The men I get along best with are used to dating women that are the same level of attractiveness as me. That way I also know it isn't just about looks. I'm just another fish in the barrel. That's how I like it.

What Girls Said 21

  • Dude, stay away from this situation and turn it down like the "PLAGUE". You have no idea, how many unhappy dousches who are stuck with kids and woman they never had feelings for in the first place.

    Get some game in the dating arena, get help and get a set of balls and ask girls you are attracted to for dates. Its a process but its worth it. Only commit to a relationship with a woman when you really love her and like her, otherwise, wham, bham and "Next!".

    If a woman gets pregnant to make you marry her or stay with her, dump her stupid sorry ass. Pay child support and be there for the kid but your commitment is only for the woman who deserves your trust and commitment.

    Dude I am helping you here, and its better to be alone and single than to be in a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. You feel lonelier and more frustrated than when you are single.

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  • a psychologist would be the only person who could answer this question appropriately. i'm being dead honest, they'd give you the answer you're looking for.

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  • If you don't any attraction to somebody, it will cause problems. Some people try and say that stuff doesn't matter, but it does. Because when you reach that point when you start to become intimate, and you aren't attracted to them. It will be bad, you might not be able to go through with something as simple as kissing them, because you aren't attracted to them.

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  • You could always become close friends with a girl. If you want to try a relationship, but, emphasis on try, you should probably tell her. She may understand, because you're her close friend. But if you do try what I've suggested, you HAVE to explain it beforehand! If you break it off with her and she had legitimate feelings for you... it would be awful. So, just explain what's going on, and it will make your process easier.

    If she turns you down... don't worry about it. As close as she was as a friend to you, she just didn't want a relationship like that. Little issues bring up doubts when trying these things. Just, go after another girl! :)

    (I'm really sorry if this sucks. I'm young, mindless, etc... wouldn't know better. Just giving the advice I think is right.)

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  • You don't date someone for selfish reasons that would/could hurt them.

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  • You don't date someone you aren't attracted to.

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  • You just don't

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  • You're only 21. Relax.

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    • But I'd figure I would've had at least an inkling of a girl being interested...

    • Many girls still expect guys to approach, for one.
      Two, it's highly cruel to use people.

  • If you do it this is selfish

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  • Well if you are not attracted to the person now, its unlikely you will. At least sexually. But sometimes if you really fall for that person on other terms, like personality, it might as well balance it. good luck 👍

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  • long lasting attraction is within

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  • Try focus more on getting to know someone.

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  • You are right, it's not good to use someone, obviously. Why not go out with a single female friend, and don't put to much pressure on anything. Just hang out for practice and have fun. Then whenever you find a woman you are attracted to, you can try with her.

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  • There's a really wide birth between not being attracted to someone at all and thinking they're the hottest person in the room. Find a happy medium.

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  • You're right, you shouldn't just use someone. Because it's not a game. Don't be in a relationship with someone whom you don't care dearly for. That's just fucked up.

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  • This is not the way
    join some dance classes = opens up social doors as well

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  • That's not mean. That's practice.

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  • I remember this ugly guy I once dated for his money. He was sooooo ugly but after spending a certain amount of time together I didn't really notice his ugliness anymore. I guess I got used to it so he seemed okay-looking to me? If you see something for so long it'll become the norm.

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  • It will make you and her unhappy. I did it in the past. The guy wasn't bad looking. He was nice but I couldn't stand him. Everyone kept pressuring me to date him. They kept saying we had a lot in common and we were both single. So I figured I'd give him a chance. I hated it the entire time and he knew it. We were both unhappy. I'll never do that again. It's selfish just to use someone or to settle with someone. Either be single or just keep looking until you find the right girl.

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    • Girls only stay with men that has confidence and social skills enough to seduce them. It doesn't matter if he is really a good guy for her at all. There aren't seducing classes for that.

    • He wasn't a good guy for me. I guess I should have stayed with someone who kept trying to tell me what to do. He wasn't a bad guy in general, but I am not someone who can handle having someone tell me what to do. I've been independent most of my life. Him and I were both miserable in the relationship. Why should I have stayed in a relationship like that? Apparently girls have to stay in relationships even if they're miserable according to you.

    • That wasn't what I meant. I said girls, in first hand, choose guys that are confident and (can) know to seduce girls. At the seducing moment, doesn't matter if that guy is good for her or not, only later she will try to figure out.

  • Well you can't. That won't make you happy and you won't make anyone else happy by doing that.

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  • I think this should have been a men only question.

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    • Why?

    • because most girls are disgusted by this. as well as me. they aren't a crappy video game you use to get better at other ones this is a person with feeling

    • @manwithclass thanks. My last boyfriend approached me as a logic equation. When he used this reasoning during our break up I knew there was no feeling so I let him go.

What Guys Said 17

  • This post exhibits that your self esteem is already in the shitter. Get out there and meet some women. Who cares if someone you're attracted to physically shoots you down. It's more about finding a connection with someone. Stop looking on the internet for the perfect woman, get out there and enjoy life, and the women will find you. People always over think this stuff. It's actually pretty simple.

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  • Well dating someone your not attracted to is asking for something bad to happen. I'd say just let it be if you want experience you need to jump into it. I've thought about that too but ultimately just chose to not even bother putting myself in an uncomfortable spot looking for a girl and rather look for more organic opportunities. I'm not a bar person and have learned I'm also not an online person so my option is to pay better attention to the people at work and school.

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  • Seriously? It's a horribly selfish idea to ask some woman out if you aren't truly interested. What do you think will happen when she figures it out and tells every woman she knows?

    Do you have a friendly relationship with any woman your age or older that could give you some advice? To me it sounds like your attitude or approach is wrong. To attract women it helps if you like them as people, rather than as a means to your sexual satisfaction.

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  • Ask yourself the question, what will happen to your self-esteem if even women that you aren't attracted to turn you down. Stick to approaching girls that you actually like

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  • i do it all the time right now i am currently in the process of using this fat girl for sex i find her phycially repulsive and i am just using her for sex

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  • You can't fake attraction. As soon as your facade is tested, it'll crumble.

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  • Short Answer: Not Possible.

    Long Answer:

    Doing it with the intent of learning from the experience could help you in the future.

    Just don't do it if you're lonely. Otherwise, Next thing you know, your falling in love, changing your outlook on life, "growing" as a person, and making a bunch of ugly babies you didn't want in the first place.

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  • just go into it with the intention to have a nice evening (or whenever you meet up). might sound a bit cruel to her but use it as training for when you really like a girl. donĀ“t give her any false hopes though.

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  • I'm sorry bro but that sounds like using her u might break her heart. Don't do it she'll never forgive u and you'll regret it later.

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  • If you're not attracted to them don't date them, I've dated women and i've decided that relationships are just not worth the hassle. If you find your miss or mister perfect, kudos to you, but don't go around toying with other people's feelings.

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  • This is why blind people have it so much easier.

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  • You got it ALL wrong. You dont build confidence like that!

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  • You're waiting for them to come to you and ask you to go out , and that's completly wrong

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  • when you go on dates put a paper bag over her head if that helps you

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  • won't work out avoid dating someone you not attracted to

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  • I have the answers to all your questions. You're probably too closed minded to accept it though.

    Enjoy your trip to the psychologist!

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  • Ironically you have it backwards. Dating any woman won't solve your confidence problem. What helped me was becoming red pill. I've read up and experimented with PUA. I've familiarized myself with social dynamics theories. I'm now intelligent and well informed about what woman want, what they think they want, and what I want. I understand male and female behavior.

    I've still yet to have my first girlfriend. But for the first time in my life I feel that I'm in a position to achieve my goals.

    So here I am guy that's never had a girlfriend, been kicked around by women entirely too many times for it to be fair. I've been there. I know what it's like to be completely confused and lost. I'm not that anymore. I feel confident and I talk to pretty girls. Every now and then I get one to give me her phone number. Rarer still I take one out on a date.

    Sounds pretty lame huh? But it's less lame than I used to be. But I feel like at any moment I might get with a girl that's really pretty and fun, instead of being in a state of mind where I'd desperately wish for that to happen, but subconsciously I'd be projecting fear and insecurity with every breath.

    I have a friend that only had one girlfriend and he just got out of an abusive and dysfunctional relationship with her that last eight years. In some ways he has it worse than me. He feels unconfident with woman because the one woman he had never really made him feel whole like that. That's the root problem, thinking that a woman will "fix" you. It won't.

    But when I was younger, I had opportunities when girls would like me. Ironically at the time I ALSO felt like getting my first girlfriend was right around the corner. I stupidly kicked girls aside thinking that I didn't want to.

    So yeah, if a girl that you don't find that attractive flirts with you, take her out on a date or two, just to sort of familiarize yourself with them. Just don't be like my stupid friend and get in a relationship with a bitch that doesn't respect you.

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