Why are girls usually "defined" by their appearance and guys usually more by their status?

I prefer dating smart girls. For me it is always a huge turn off if a girl says something dumb, no matter how beautiful she is. However, society usually defines girls with high dating value as "pretty", wheres a "good" man is defined as "smart, wealthy, high social status". I definitely prefer a smart, logical thinking girl. I am not saying girls don't think; it's more about stereotypes. Sometimes I think I am looking for a man in a female body.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, actually you're the first guy I heard who likes smart girl. My friends, they only see the physical appearance. They asked if the girls is pretty or not, despite on how smart she is. Girls are defined by appearance because guys tend to pick girl from appearance.
    and why good man defined by status and smart, because girls are more interested in romance and the chemistry, actually not all girls like wealthy and high social status. I'm more into smart guys, and I agree with you saying something dumb is a turnoff no matter how good his abs is or how handsome or how wealthy he is. :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that's a stereotype on it's way out. I myself have a bar thats not set terribly high but also not too low and as long as they pass the threshold I'm looking for the person I have the most in common with which means computer literate, loves reading, and STEM conversations.

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What Girls Said 13

  • You should definitely look for someone smart. A smart girl would make a real friend and companion.
    It is ashame that girls are taught that they need to play dumb to get a guy. If you'll notice you'll see that girls are always complimented on their looks before anything else. A girl would be told she's beautiful and only after that she would be told she's smart.

    by the way, there are plenty of girls who are smart and beautiful. I'm hoping you'll get one of those ;)

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  • Some of these comments are so stupid. It doesn't matter how much money you have. If she doesn't find you physically attractive or at least likes your personality, in most cases its not gonna happen

    So many dudes think chicks just want their money, sad. You can keep that shit 🌈

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    • Some dude on Youtube pretended to have tons of cash and many girls tried to get with him. So yeah money matters. This doesn't make women bad either. Women are instinctivey attracted to money, status and wealth. Men want fertility in women. Money gets you the hot women.

      Yes personality matters but you can't fight biology.

    • @Aeon_Flux_21 yes no shit gold diggers exist, they are not the majority

  • I disagree. Men who want a longterm relationship are not just go take a girl for her looks. To take her to bed its just looks, but to introduce her to your parents I think most guys look for a keeper who especially has a good heart. Looks is importent for everyone at first, but personality is what defines a relationship.

    As for women, of course we look for someone who has goals in life and who can take care of us, and i am not talking paying everything, but the security of a stable man. I dont want to struggle my whole life with money especially not when you want kids as well

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  • Society's fucked up.

    Girls are all told from a young age that it's good to make yourself look pretty, presentable, etc.
    They get put down for their looks if they aren't skinny as a twig, or just... aren't good enough.

    Boys are told that power, money and social status are important. I'm a girl, so I can't explain this past so well, but I think it is the masculinity that society portrays for boys to look up to. Smart, with an expensive suit and car, and a model hanging onto your arm.

    Perfection, according to society, is why girls are defined by looks and boys by social status.

    We all try too hard to fit in, find acceptance, like it'll give us a good future or something.

    But, society is fucked up, like I said before.

    So we all will suffer with the words of "never good enough".

    That's why.

    I hope you enjoyed my little rant. :)

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  • Sometimes I feel like I'm looking for a women in a man's body haha. jk I know what cha mean tho

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  • guys are more physical than girls

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  • Smart as in book work? Or intelligent.
    Because i am not a perfectionist when it comes to academics. But i feel like you're asking for too much.

    For instance , me saying, i prefer a guy with a lot of money. If you actually love someone, those type of things wouldn't even matter. What is your perspective of "smart" , because the first thing you see when you meet someone are their looks. Not if they are smart or not.

    I would expect a guy to have knowledge and have morals, but "smart".

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    • I would expect my partner to be intelligent, meaning, to be curious about new things, willing to learn, to question things, think logical, think on her own and not to just follow others/trends. She should know and understand what's going on in the world and have her own opinion about things. She should want to work and do good things with her work - not only focus on superficial materialistic things or money.
      I am not asking for more than I fullfill myself. Probably I won't find that - but maybe someone close. I had a girlfriend like that and it was great, but it we broke appart due to cultural issues.
      I am into science and also languages (I lived in four different countries, fluent in three, learning another one at the moment). I just meet a lot more guys I can intellectually connect to than girls. I would not get along with a partner who feels to be restricted in her way / possibilities of thinking.

    • Oooooo okay, makes more sense now.
      I agree

  • I think inexperienced men or boys define women on looks alone. It's also one of those deep seated, cultural, unfortunate things. It kinda harks back to the days when we were married off in our teens. Our job was to look pretty and make babies. //lots of shrugging
    I'm the same when it comes to guys. He can have glistening pectorals, but if he uses text talk or thinks postnatal depression and ptsd are the same thing, it's a no from me. xD
    Being stupid is never attractive. The odd derpy moment is cute, but all the time? Nooooope. When you want actual love, a long term partner, you want an equal. You fall in love with who they are and everything about them becomes beautiful.
    Looks alone are what matters to people who only want sex.

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  • Its nice you think this way but most guys like girls for their looks. If this girl has a nice body they like her.

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    • For me it is just not a necesity to brag around with my good looking girlfriend. It is kind of odd, because society kind of expects a man to be happy with a good looking wife, no matter how dumb she is... I often feel not understood by others. They do not get why I want somebody I can intellectually connect to compared to a beautiful one... Probably I think a lot more about things than others -for me it would be just annoying to be with someone who does not think a lot.

    • Yeah I understand what u mean. Its like why would u only marry someone for only their body they will eventually get old n not look the same. But their mind their personality will always be the same. Its just that in todays society girls need to have a perfect body n be smart. If a girl has a little more weight on her others guys won't date them but they dont take the time to really know them I think that is just sad.

  • It's just how messed up our society is.

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  • It's nice to share a life with someone who has traits you do, but beauty is a thing all men seek no matter what more unique traits they may also fancy in their girls.

    So a smart guy wants a pretty smart girl, a jock wants a pretty fit girl, a nerd wants a pretty nerdy girl, a gamer wants a pretty gamer girl, etc... And most of the time (not always), if they can choose between pretty and whatever other trait they specifically want, many would pick pretty.

    Beauty is a trait all men want across the board, so it defines women as a gender more, than some specific desires of lesser frequency among men.

    Women don't work the same way, but merely similarly.

    Women want overall power, like you do specific beauty. And power can come in many forms, is usually a combination of traits, including smarts.

    I can say I like smart men because I care about smarts, but we all know the reason smarts are attractive to women innately, is because smart men don't end up useless/bums. Dumb girls like smart guys just as much as I do, even if their definition of smart may be a wider part of the "smarts spectrum" than what I call smart. They still like smarts.

    And while I may care about smarts, since power is the trait we women seek at the end of the day, you won't see me considering a genius in a wheelchair, if I can have a less intelligent man on two feet.

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  • Because society isn't fair and sucks

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  • Better to date someone with smart and a trusted heart then a betrayed who goes out behind your back with other girls

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What Guys Said 13

  • Because of natural selection. Men are only required to deposit his seeds to fertile females to keep his genes. They have the option of having 1 kid and try to help his wife raising the kid OR having hundreds and let his lovers deal with the aftermath. Women can only have so many pregnancies per life so they have to raise their kids. Women would prefer the fun and outgoing guy when they are young but they tend to aim for the calm and responsible type when they want a family (to help around).

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  • It may sound cliche, but women are looking for a financially stable mate, whereas men are first drawn to whatever defines hot for them.

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  • Where did you get your information that men are usually defined by their status and women by their appearance? The media?

    I think every person constructs their own view of what they're looking for and what they have to offer to our society.

    I'll use myself as an example.
    I want to be in a place where I am very stable financially. After that I want to have a family. There are many roads that can lead to reaching those couple of goals I have. Education is involved as well as hard work. A car and a home is involved as well.

    I want someone who looks forward to the same goals. I value intelligence, attractiveness, independence, affection, as well as common likes.

    Gold-diggers? I'm sure I'll notice them when I see them.

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    • It's just how society is, isn't it? Women can only have a decent good education since maybe 50 years. There are still a lot of parents encouraging their daughters not to persue similar high career girls as guys. Maybe society is just not yet used to women achieving the same as guys. And like a 100 years ago a womens beauty was there only asset. Back then they were seen as intellectually inferior which is why they were not granted the same possibilities as men.
      Just look at how much money is made by making girls more beautiful - fashion, surgery, make up - for guys this market is not nearly as big - because guys are valued for different things, so there is no need to waste ressources on this
      Maybe I am to progressive - but I would like to have gender equality and a partner on a similar intellectual level. Yet there is still not a lot of girls in "brainy" STEM subjects.
      If I would go for beauty/youth... I would have to get another one every ten years- which is definitelly not what I want

    • I see what you mean. Sometimes I share that frustration of meeting women who are superficial or have a limited view. What I can say is there are all kinds for women out there. A great place to meet them are at large gatherings like a mall or my favorite, college.

      I know there are all kinds of women out there, so I'm not very worried about what happened 100 years ago given what's going on today.

  • Pretty women = healthy babies

    High status men = protection, resources, and better ability to raise babies

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    • Or in other words "It's evolution, baby!"
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaOgu2CQtI

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    • I know many women who wouldn't be considered 'pretty' that have healthy beautiful babies...

    • Are you disputing confirmed scientific knowledge?

  • Cause men created everything, including humor,
    which most women does not have~

    You are definitely looking for a well-rounded women that can be as you said defined, as a man in a female's body, please, no Caitlyn. :P

    All joking aside, women are definitely more praised on their looks as to men are more complimented by their ambition/status. Well have you asked yourself, why men prefer looking before dating and why women 'talk' before engaging?
    Women expect a huge rock that says Eternity on their finger as Men expect a beautiful figure he can show off like a nice sports car. As the saying goes,
    " you've never seen a sad person in a lambo.", Or something like that.

    P. S. I got a friend that has the personality I wish I can just take & shove into a women's body too. Dude is a rainbow with a side of gold.

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  • Biology. Women attract males with their physical appearance, which tends to indicate health and thus ability to bear children.

    Males attract mates by being able to provide for their children and give them a survival advantage, so wealth and power are favored by females.

    by the way I prefer smart, personable women too. I once worked in an office that was mostly females 19-27, but they had the collective IQ of a turnip. Did not date there.

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  • Because that's how it's biological wired. Men like pretty girls. Women like men who are deem high status. It's why a bikini for a man is a tuxedo and men get better with age.

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  • Your media-driven attitude will change to a more realistic view of people as you grow with time.

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    • I already had and I would like to find again a girlfriend on a similar intellectual level. I don't care that much about looks.
      It's just that I find a lot more guys I can intellectually connect to -discuss about science politics and economy. Women don't seem to care much about all this. They seem to be more concerned about fashion, celebrities and TV series...

  • Simple.

    Most of what we find attractive in women shows good genes, health, and fertility.

    What women find attractive in men often shows he's got strength, confidence, charisma. The focus is not so much on looks. Besides, girls lose their fertility way before we lose ours.

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  • because women have kids and men take care of a family

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  • Because men are attracted to tits and ass

    And women are attracted to houses and cash.

    Men and Women have set these standards, not some social dictator

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  • Because guys generally go after good looking girls and girls generally go after rich high status guys.

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  • That isn't society. That is just normal sexuality. Guys are generally more attracted to looks, because attractive women tend to be more fertile, and for men getting a woman pregnant, is what we have evolved to do. If a man doesn't succeed in impregnating a woman, then he fails to pass on his genes. This means men that were more attracted to fertile women where more likely to have sons that cares about a woman's looks, as beauty is a sign of fertility.

    Women on the other hand can pretty much have a kid whenever they want. They also have much more to risk by choosing the wrong partner. If she chooses a man with bad DNA for example, her child might be too dumb to reach maturity alive. That is years of work on the mothers side gone, just because she chose a bad partner. So the female side of sexuality tends to be pickier about certain traits than the males are. Traits that showed a man had good genes was what he was able to acquire for himself such as whatever kind of education that was available back then, wealth, and social status.

    No matter how much we want to blame it on society, the fact is that throughout the animal kingdom, male and female sexuality just tend to be different, as each side as different disadvantages that must be worked through. For guys, women are the gate keepers for our genetic immortality, which is why we love them so much. To most guys the female body is more beautiful than any art ever created. Most women can't even understand that, because passing on their own DNA is so much easier for them, that they had no reason to evolve to worship the male body.

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