Dating a psychologist?

The title says it all.

I'm a 22 y/o financier dating a 28 y/o psychologist.

Our conversations are out of this world. We've literally had dates that have lasted over 24 hours. She's attractive, and I also find her attractive. I'm attractive, and she also finds me attractive.

We've been seeing each other for 3-4 months now, in this quasi-friendly yet quasi-dating sort of relationship. Since day one I asked her out directly, and we've been dating and knew that we were both interested in each other. We've talked about the long-term possibilities of our relationship, and she is s/o I would definitely want to be with. But I don't feel comfortable taking it to the next level!

She tries communicating to me how badly she wants us going to the next level, w/o ever verbalizing her frustration at me for not taking it there yet. She touches me constantly, like all over. Comes close, yadda yadda, I get it. I just don't feel comfortable yet, even though I know she wants to.

As a guy from a European family, I've never had much faith in the emotional honesty of women. My biggest fear is being controlled, manipulated, lied to, used, taken advantage of, and obviously left emotionally hurt. You can imagine how much those fears are magnified when I'm dating:

a. a woman who is much older than me

b. one who is a psychologist

I don't know what I can or can't trust. If I'll ever be able to fully trust. It's weird. I feel attracted to her, but I've never once thought of us having sex, tried to imagine what she looks like naked, or want to have sex with her.

I can just imagine how confused and frustrated she's feeling with my actions (or "inaction"), and I just want to be fair to her.

Guys? Girls? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

- What can I do for her?

- How can I get over this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • IMO, be honest with her. Tell her how you feel about it all... she's a psychologist, maybe she'll know how to handle it lol.. but in all seriousness, I know what you mean about not trusting her about this stuff. I have trouble trusting guys who hint they are into me or want to be boyfriend/girlfriend because I'm afraid I'm going to be wasting my time on someone who won't end up being my future husband and will just end up breaking my heart. I'm paranoid, I know.

    Maybe, since you see yourself in the long run with her, you can say you want to wait until marriage before having sex, so you trust her more and are more certain she is 'the one'.

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    • Umm.. she's actually on the brink of becoming sexually frustrated with me and thinking that I'm not interested in her.. so I don't think the whole waiting on sex thing would be appropriate

      plus.. her waiting until sex just shows me she's very patient.. why is unknown.. maybe she's a push-over? desperate? low sex-drive? no sex drive? the possibilities are endless.. too endless to really conclude anything from it

What Girls Said 2

  • Hi sweetie,

    I understand the fear you're experiencing. However, to give you a fully in-depth answer, I need to know more about your past relationships. LOL, I'll tell you about my profession later, due to the fact that I don't want to bias you against me. I can see why you'd be intimidated about dating a slightly older woman who's also a Psych. However, Psychs aren't that bad in a relationship and we often understand how and why our partner is feeling.

    To answer your questions though: tell her exactly how and why you feel this way.

    Unfortunately, you can't just "get over" an emotional block over night. It takes time, but it certainly can be done. Before I can give you more info, I need to know about your past relationships so I can better assess your fears and why.

    Rosemary, STG

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  • It sounds like you are fearful of her being dishonest to you in the future. It takes courage and determination to overcome such a fear. Perhaps try taking it to the next level and see what will happen. Test your theory - will she be controlling, manipulative, dishonest?

    Good-luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm American and I have the same doubts about women...

    I'd say take it slow and have fun. Your feelings can't get hurt if you're not investing too much in the first place. Don't "fall in love" so quickly, but keep the atmosphere light, fun and flirty.

    If you're not ready, you're not ready--she has to accept that. Be confident in your own feelings enough to tell her about them--if you're coming from a position of strength, I don't see how she can't respect that. But communication is key. Best of luck.

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    • That's comforting to hear.. I usually fall under the impression that guys here aren't too bothered about things like that

      after all.. she is attractive.. and I do find her attractive.. emotionally, intellectually and sexually.. so I guess it makes no sense for me to not feel the desire to want to have sex with her yet..

      what do I have to do to want to have sex with her and not be afraid to take our relationship to that next level?

    • Just continue to take it easy--sometimes we're just not ready for something when logically, we should be, and the circumstances seem to be perfect. That's why I'm all for low-pressure relationships in which both partners are secure, sophisticated, not rushing into anything, but just taking it easy and seeing where things lead...

    • You're probably being held back by your fears about women being dishonest, which I can relate to (some American guys are carefree about that I guess, but I'm not one, lol). Things may run more smoothly once you just take some time to get comfortable with her. I'm also afraid of being emotionally honest with women--but if she's mature, esp. with her knowledge of psychology, she'll be understanding of your need for more time. If she's a good person, she'll be empathetic, not manipulative.

  • You're dating a girl who knows what she wants, and she wants you. I really don't see the problem here. I think you're dating a wonderful girl, especially a psychologist who is smart and capable. Yet she still holds a soft side, based on your description. Not too mention you too seem a bit happy to be dating her. Don't let your preconceived notions of trust and betrayal overshadow what's already in front of you. Embrace her, and the relationship. My guess is, you're one step away from a great lasting relationship. Why put it on hold. Forger her intelligence, forget her age, and just simply appreciate her.

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