Is it wrong I lost interest after she finally decided to date me?

I while back I really like this girl and I would be sweet to her then not give her attention for a few days. It would be great to see the look she would get when she saw me again. Like a warm glow of "yes! he's coming over to talk to me." I didn't want to seem clingy or overly persistent... but this went on for a few months. She would say she was busy or didn't want to date but I still gave her attention. I would of taken a hint if she would of not... flirted back. But I guess one day she was ready or whatever... probably tired of me asking her to have dinner with me. When we finally did go on dates, I thought... wow she is not as great of a person as I thought... I don't like her as much as I thought I did... this isn't going to work out. Do any other guys feel this way?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well you opened up opinions go gal as well so...
    consider this situation TYPICAL of dating
    shopping for a fit
    while having fun doing it
    No big deal, just don't lead anyone on and waste their time, try to salvage all as at least friends thereafter

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Happens a lot to me too, I think we all desire something that we can't have and when we realise that we can have something it doesn't look that valuable to us

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What Girls Said 9

  • You probably built her up in your head to be an idealized version of what you want, rather than who she actually is... so when you were finally face to face on a date with the REAL person, it was disappointing.

    When we obsess over someone for that long without making a move, that's what happens. Instead of seeing a real person, we project all the things we want in a person onto that person, so the image in our heads is not true and anything less than that is bound to disappoint.

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  • Yep. That's the way of crushes. We like the version we want them to be, not the version that they actually are. And then we get to know them and realize that we liked a fantasy version of them

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  • Well, sometimes we idealize people. Does this happen to you a lot? Cause if it does maybe you shouldn' idealize girls that much so that you don't become disappointed afterwards. If it was just this time, well, there's nothing wrong, sometimes we misjudge people.

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  • Sounds like you enjoyed the chase more than the catch and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you don't get the girl to really like you before the date, keep it casual in the future and don't pester as much, play it cool but still keen, tell her the offers there but if she wants to reject it that's fine.

    Tell the girl that you didn't feel the spark but that you'd still like to stay friends and maybe hang out again - but as friends.

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  • Sometimes we fall for the IDEA of a person rather than the person themselves. We build them up in our imagination and reality seldom compares. You're not a bad person, but don't lead her on.

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  • Well, if I were her, I'd be pissed..! But it's in your right to not like her that much anymore. You wanted to get to know her and you did, but you figured out that she was far from being what you thought she was.

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    • Yeah... maybe that's why I hear so many "why did he lose interest?" Questions here. When some play hard to too long it happends.

  • That's happened to me with a guy who I had a crush on and when he finally gave me the time of day I realized he wasn't all that

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  • That's because you were only thinking with your dick

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  • That happens to lots of people.

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What Guys Said 13

  • No, it's not wrong. This is why you go out on dates before entering a long term relationship.

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  • This same exact thing literally just happened to me, been txting with a girl for over a year and have asked out prob like 2-3 last Sept. Oct and then after this summer I asked her out again 2-3 times. She finally accepted and I just know noticed that she really wasn't worth all the effort, I didn't find anything new about her its just she doesn't put enough effort herself. Her lack of caring has made me not care.

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    • It seemed mutual attraction she just held out I guess... too long... that it loses the fun of getting to know them...

  • It happens. You eventually learn that there are no magic people. I still have intense crushes from time to time, but I no longer imagine that if I could just get with them that life would suddenly be amazing.

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  • They say to never meet your idols. The image you have of them is impossible to live up to.

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  • I don't know about that... But once there was this girl in my college... And she was good looking but her personality was a turn off.. LOL I asked her put but never went... Hah

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  • It is kinda of like food advertisement. The food look so good on the ad, but when the actual food arrives, you are like "..."

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  • No I think it's OK.

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  • i would have lost interest too.

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  • Sometimes it's the chase, sometimes it's the catch. Sometimes it's just for fun. Guess it was all in the chase for you this time. *shrug

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  • This happens. It's called life.

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  • Its just a date, you aren't married to her

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  • Not sure if girl troll...

    fry. jpg

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  • Date as many different kinds of women as you can fit into your schedule, even if they are not "your type". The goal is to learn. When you have had private, deep conversations with a couple of hundred, you will start to be able to recognize what you like and don't like, and more importantly, what the characteristics are of women who like your type, so it becomes much easier to recognize in the future.

    It becomes so easy, that on more than one occasion, I have been at a mall or someplace, looked at the crowd, pointed to a woman and said, "She is going to sleep with me today". Then I go over, introduce myself, and by the evening we are in bed together.

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