My boyfriend wants to move in with his friends and it's a terrible idea. How do I tell him that it's going to ruin our relationship?

I don't want him to feel like he can't move in with these people but I really think it's going to destroy our relationship. He's always going to want to hang out with them and there will be no privacy for us. Then these people have million people at there house all the time so it's like one big party. Which that's not my scene. On top of that there is always underage people there drinking and whatnot so I'm nervous the neighbors calling cops on them. And I don't want to get in trouble for dumb shit like that. Also I can't stand the thought of having sex because everyone will hear us. So I don't know what to do and don't know how to approach him about my feelings about it? He's wants to move in with them because the rent will be cheaper but it's just a terrible idea.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been in his shoes before, and honestly, it is probably because I didn't love my ex as much as to get a place with her. However this time around, I've gotten over my feelings of moving out with roommates and couldn't be happier than to be with my one and only. But that's just me.

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    • We've only been together for 6 months and I worry it's to early to move in with each other... Plus my mother will have a fit and get rid of my cat. And my boyfriend is allergic so I can't take him with me. So I feel trapped at home and don't know what to do.

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    • I really want this relationship to work but I think if he moves in with them it's not going to. All day I've been thinking about moving in with him. I think would be nice but am I considering it for the wrong reasons? I plan talking to him about all this the next time we see each other so I guess I'll see what happens.

    • Well it depends on your exact reasons, how much do you trust him? Both sides have to come to a compromise for this to work. He is still able to do what he wants and its not reasonable to stop him from what he wants to do. And this is where you ask yourself, if he doesn't want to listen to you and work things out with you to make the relationship work, Is being with him a great idea? For him to put his wants and needs over your concerns without consideration? Talk it out with him and see where he values you

Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell him your concerns and if he cares about you he'll try to make things work. You can't expect him to not move but if he wants to continue things with you, he will find a solution.

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What Guys Said 18

  • Tell him your feelings about it. The way you're presenting this the relationship is doomed if you let him go ahead with this anyway so what have you got to lose?

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  • "there is always underage people there drinking and whatnot" NOPE! NOPE! Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope! BIG red flag right there, and nothing you wanna get caught up in.

    And on top of the lack of privacy and you just generally being uncomfortable with the situation, this doesn't sound at all like a good idea. Unless you two are REALLY squeezed for rent at your current place, don't move in just so your guy can have some extra money to buy video games and junk food or whatever.

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  • You need to tell him these feelings. They make sense and he has probably not thought about these things. Just sit down with him and tell him how you feel about them.

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  • You need tell him unless he decides what he wants to do
    that your taking a break from him for while cause you don't
    want feel; like your second best in his life and that's what
    will happen if you don't lay the law down with him honestly
    you can't let him take advantage of you cause he will do it.

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  • If he was smart, he would know it would ruin things whithout having to be told.

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  • Give him a choice; you or them.

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  • Tell him just that - "It's going to ruin our relationship." If he can't see your point of view, then maybe it's best to part ways. Don't give in.

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  • sit him down and tell him about your fears

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  • maybe you could pay his bills

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  • Ooh... insecurities!

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    • Insecurities about what? It's not like I think he's going to cheat. I just think it's not a good place to live and I want to be able to have private time with him.

    • No one mentioned something about cheating, but i guess thats whats bothering you. Gag will have an easier time helping you if your honest from the beginning.

  • Perhaps he feels he has no other option. Does he have alternatives?

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    • He didn't even look for different opinions. He could look somewhere for cheaper rent. Or move in with a different friend or find a roommate. I don't know. I just don't want him to move into that house with because I worry it's going to be trouble.

  • Just tell him all of that.

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  • say all this you said but to him

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  • most people in there late teens and early to mid 20s have roommates...

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    • yes but these people he want to move in with have parties all the time with underage people and the neighbors have complained. I'm just so worried they'll call the cops. And my boyfriend lives on his own know it's going to be pretty shitty when we loss our privacy.

    • yeah regular parties aren't my thing either, so that situation wouldn't be for me. maybe he just needs to learn his lesson and realize its a mistake when he has limited privacy and its loud and late on a regular basis

    • Ohh he's lived with people before. He knows how it goes and he hated it. I tried to remind him about that but he doesn't listen. So I don't know what to do.

  • So, why are you dating the guy? It sounds like you have NOTHING in common

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    • Just because I don't want to party everyday doesn't mean we don't have anything in common.

    • If he's a party guy, and you're not, why are you with him?

  • Dump him. Stop dating little boys and find a man.

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  • Just be honest about it. It's not that you don't trust him or something, it's just that you think it is a bad idea and, if he is into you, he will consider what you are saying. If he isn't willing to listen to your honest concern about something... time to move on anyway. Hope this helps!

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  • Here's what I always do in situations like that. I make my girlfriend aware of my concerns once. If she goes ahead and makes the decision anyway, I have to reevaluate whether I still want to be in the relationship.

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What Girls Said 10

  • My boyfriend is living with his friends at the moment and it's not a problem at all for us.

    There will be privacy for both you, in his room or you both could go out dates. As for the cops problem, maybe just don't go around to his place when people are underage drinking. With the sex thing, you could just try and stay quiet or wait until everyone is asleep or out of the house. Or just get over the fact that people will be able to hear lol.

    At the end of the day, it's his decision where he wants to live, so if he wants to live there I don't think there's much you can do about it.

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    • But they have people stay on there couch every night and I afraid of the cops getting called because I don't want a record. And I know there isn't much I can do but I feel like when he hangs out with his friends he ignores me and blows me off so can you imagine how it will be like if he lives with them? He'll be drinking and ignoring all my text and calls because he's having a good time.

    • If he's going to be like that to you around his friends, then just leave him. Let him know you don't like the way he acts around his friends and if he continues, then just move on.

  • You should let him experience his life. If you force him to make a different decision he might resent you for it. You can tell him yuo're not all that crazy about it, but he's free to make his own decisions. But I don't know.. it also seems like guys like controlling girls.. so maybe don't listen ot me.

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  • Its a good idea, if he has to save money Please be realistic about this. Unless you earn more than him, you can convinced him not to move.

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  • Why don't the two of you move in together?

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    • Well we've only been together for 6 months so it's pretty early in my opinion to move in together.

  • Be honest and tell him what you're feeling. Tell him that you think it'll ruin your relationship and tell him why. He'll then make a decision and you can see where he's at...

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  • Tell him you are concerned, but don't tell him it'll ruin the whole thing. Wait and see what happens.

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  • express your feelings and see

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  • You want to air your opinion w/o consequences?
    I want superpowers.
    Do you not see the obvious?
    He cares little about saving rent money = smoke screen... and you're BUYING it?
    He has blatantly posted for all to see his preference for this lifestyle OVER what's he's got now with you. Ergo, he's MADE his choice, KNOWS your opinion and easily RISKS losing you (betting you might last awhile longer.. until he knows for sure if he can have his cake & eat it too... ala my first sentence about you).

    Either you fit into this lifestyle... that might mean in bed FFM with him
    or you run away, hoping he'll follow... he won't, at least now right away for the temptation of this new life MUST be sampled.

    He has gone hedonistic on you and your words will not kill this idea.
    Even if you offered a private love nest, never say NO to anything sexual.. he WILL visit this place often to sample...

    ME?
    I would work this one of two ways to MY happiness, since he cares little about this.
    a) I would shop a replacement boyfriend pronto and not communicate ever again w/him
    b) I would network his new buddies and lifestyle, mining out a better life/friends for myself & leave him with his tongue hanging out wishing he had me back... but I can live with someone that makes such horrible decisions so often BYE, guy!

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  • He must be aware of what will happen to the relationship if he moves there.
    Like Ttnguy07 said, I think he knows and unfortunately he doesn't care. He probably thinks it will be fun.
    If he wanted to preserve your privacy, no doubt he would try harder to find a better place.

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  • give him an ultimatum.

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    • Haven't you ever heard that ultimatums never work in relationships? And I know that it would never work in mine.

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