SECRET LOVE TRIANGLE?

I like this guy and he likes me.
We are both mature, honest, christians we are also both performers (he's a musican and I'm a singer)
Just stating that to show what we have in common.
We both want to abstain from sex and stay away from drugs and alcohol, etc... but we are in the beginning stages most people in our group of friends don't know we like eachother. This one guy who he just recently became friends and is hitting it off with likes me, and he was talking to him about how he liked me. (Let's say I like the guy named Richard and the new friend he has that likes me name is Dave) Although Richard and I were really feeling eachother and we text eachother he was encouraging Dave to ask for my number... something along the lines of he doesn't mind competition etc... or whatever which seems so weird and out of character of him. I want to tell Dave that I don't like him but I wish Richard would have told him right off the bat, I don't know what he was thinking. I guess cause he doesn't want people in his business due to past stuff that has happened (he told me that prior to when Dave told Richard he liked me) I'm not tryna be in a secret relationship and I hate that his friends keep liking me because then people will say I'm ruining their friendship when I'm not!!! Like why don't I deserve to be happy, I'm not happy right now. He's the dopest guy I've ever met, we have such open conversations that it's crazy... Im afraid hell try to keep us a secret forever because he doesn't want Dave to think he's a bad friend or two faced which he isn't because he liked and approached me before Dave was even in the equation. I don't know what to do also because he told me that he told his bestfriend that use to like me recently that we were just friends, but honestly I'd say the same thing to our mutual girl friends. I'm just confused and I need help how do I tell Dave I don't like him without hurting him, or leading him on... also what do I say to Richard and what should Richard say when should he tell his friends or our friends about me, how should he tell them it's gonna be awkward anyway he tells them cause his dense self should have said something the first time.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Weather Richard means it or not, he is leading you on. You need to have a serious mode conversation with him, and at the end he is either your boyfriend or you dump him. Richard probably has good intentions here, but if he won't be a man and ask you to be his girlfriend, he is immature and not worth your time! The no competition bs is just that. He is disrespecting you by setting up a competition that you are in the middle of.

    Sorry if it sounds harsh, but I have a lot of friends like Richard who just end up hurting their friend girl (because she isn't a girlfriend) by their own immaturity.

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    • Thank you so much for the advice, I really appreciate it. You're right... another thing is he might not call it officially dating or whatever.. for some reason he doesn't like those terms. Like he won't even call his mom's boyfriend her boyfriend even though he really likes his moms boyfriend and thinks he is a cool dude, he thinks he's the best she has ever had but he just calls him her friend and yesterday he said if we date he wpuldnt introduce me as his girlfriend but as his friend but he does the same thing with his mom's boyfriend whom he really likes

    • Also, what exactly should I say to him to get him to commit or see if he wants to

    • Sorry it took so long to reply. Just lay the facts out. You want serious, and you want it to be official, that's a good thing by the way. If you two can't agree upon some type of relationship (maybe he has heard of courting?) then this just isn't going to work. Don't let him convince you that something like "friends with benefits" is worth pursuing, because it is not. I wish you the best of luck, you can message me here or on private if I can be of more help!

Most Helpful Girl

  • This isn't a love triangle, it's more like a love line. A love triangle is when one person is torn between two people in which case this is not you. Tell 'Dave' you don't like him and that you like 'Richard'. Dave isn't your man, he isn't your friend, he isn't anyone you have any obligations to. Just because you tell him you don't like him doesn't mean you're being mean, it means you're being honest. If you and Richard like each other you should be able to openly pursue one another without criticisms from other people. If all of you are good Christians like you say, no judgement should be passed among anybody. Tell Dave first and talk to Richard second. Let him know that you told Dave the truth about how you feel, and that it made you uncomfortable to know Richard would encourage his friend to pursue you. Tell him you don't want to be somebody's secret and if he has to hide you then ask him to stop wasting your time. If Richard wants to keep his relationship with you on DL then something is up, maybe he has a girlfriend, maybe he's ashamed of his feelings toward you, or maybe he cares too much about the opinions of others over your feelings. Either way any man that wants to keep you a secret is doing so for a reason and more than likely not a good one. Let your real feelings be known to everyone so Dave can leave you alone or Richard can either man up or get out of your life.

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    • Okay thanks for advice wish me luck, we are all hanging out today because we share a friend that is having a little mini movie party so I don't know hopefully this works o ut

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    • Why so u think he's not the type to commit? how can I tell if a guy is willing to commit or not commit?

    • If a guy is willing to commit to you it will be obvious through his actions. When a man loves a woman he tends to express that love/interest in the things he does for her. A man that really cares about you will probably offer to help with things all the time, he'll take a genuine interest in how your life is going, he just wants to make sure you're happy and comfortable. If a guy isn't willing to do that he tries to keep you from the things in his life. Like his family, people close to him, he'll try to keep you at a distance. This guy doesn't sound too serious about you, when a man is actually serious about a woman there's a big difference in the way he treats you versus everyone else.

What Guys Said 1

  • Heyyy, my names Dave, and Ima musician/singer. Go to school for it

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    • Ok great but this didn't help at all

    • Just sayin'

    • Well its not you but ok

What Girls Said 0

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