Why is the speed at which a relationship evolve so critical?

Why does it matter? I see some people are worried about "things moving so fast" and will sabotage a perfectly good relationship over it in trying to "slow things down", and some people seem to in general preach that it's best to take things "slow".

In my completely inexperienced view, I just don't see how or why it matters. To me it seems like a subjective thing. Some people like to advance quickly through the stages of an evolving relationship and others like to take things slow (and the differences in how couples evolve demonstrate that). To me, it doesn't seem like there's a right or wrong with this and in my opinion, unless one is actually uncomfortable, I don't see why anyone would want to artificially "slow things down".

What am I missing? Why do some people consider it beneficial for a relationship to evolve slowly?


0|0
8|8

Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn't matter, and when people sabotage something because it is "moving too fast" it's not really the pace that isn't working for them, it's their own baggage or reservations or the fact that it's just not the right relationship for them.

    What matters in any relationship is that both partners are on the same page at the same time. If one is getting ahead of the other, that's gonna cause friction and it's probably not going to work out. When you're with the right person, you'll find that your timelines match, or that you're not really paying attention to the timelines at all.

    For example, my boyfriend was with his ex for two years before they moved in together. She was the one who wanted to live together and he had serious reservations about it, despite having been with her for over two years. Well, they moved in together and broke up like two months later. At the time, he thought he wasn't "ready" for that, but reality was, she just wasn't the right partner for him.

    Now, we've been together ten months and we are going to be moving in together in 3 or 4 months, depending on a couple of external circumstances. We first said "I love you" about four months in. We are talking about buying a home together in about a year, year and a half... our timeline is totally different than any of our past relationships. Much faster, actually. With any other guy, I'd be freaking out at the thought of moving in together before/around 1 year an BUYING a home together around the two year mark... with the wrong person, that sounds absolutely crazy. But with him, it just makes sense.

    0|1
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • Making major purchases together, singing contracts (i. e. marriage) or having kids require some thought and probably time to see how you work as a couple.

    Other then that? go naturally.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 7

  • I think worrying about it is far more detieemntal than any single speed.

    1|1
    0|0
  • IT's different for different people. I personally would want to take things slow. As in, start off as friends, evolve to good friends, and then see where things might go romantically. By that time I would be okay with things like kissing/holding hands and stuff because I know the person very well. I don't feel like I'm just rushing and not really getting to just enjoy things naturally. That's just how I feel, but for everyone it's different.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Too slow = boring

    Too fast = gets boring in the long run

    The main goal in my opinion is to always be entertained - orthe relationship will eventually die down... unless you're those perfect couples featured in movies and whatnot.

    But yes, this is why relationships created my young people fail; one of the major reasons is timing. Well, it is other than failure to commit etc. :/

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because no one wants to fall hard and fast. I think people who think like this are generally worried that the faster they move, the more attached they get and the harder it is for them if things don't work out. Because once you start getting serious and bringing things like sex into it, that changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. The more "serious" you get, the stronger the emotional bond. People who think like this are thinking logically, rather than with their hearts. They'd rather slow things down and figure out if this is truly the person they want to be with before getting serious and risk getting hurt in the process.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Oh and not to mention, more likely than not there is always one person that is more attached/has deeper feelings than the other person. So moving slower might make it a little less painful for the person who tends to fall a bit harder.

    • And the whole thing is subjective. What one person might think is moving too fast, might be too slow for the other person. And that is where you learn to compromise in a relationship and move at a pace somewhere in the middle that satisfies both of the people in the relationship and makes it a little bit easier for both of you, so no one gets hurt

  • My boyfriend feels the same way you do lol

    Question-----> Honestly I think I feel that way because I don't want our relationship to seem like it's all about sexual stuff. I want him to take me seriously and know that I want a relationship with innocent conversations too. I know we could possibly STILL do that while being sexual but it just seems too early considering I've never had sex before. I don't wonna be someone's game. I wonna see that he cares and can wait for me. I know people can pretend for a LONG time to care to get what they want. I guess I'm taking a risky chance at letting him in my heart which is scary.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Slow relationships don't tend to lead anywhere lack of commitment and well I dunno lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think its that important.

    0|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • Speed per se is not the issue. Unchecked emotion is. It is easy to get caught up in superficial things initially and give your heart away before you have spent enough time on understanding bigger items. Examples: how do you each handle stress, or feel and believe about religion, or think about children or the future.

    So it isn't the speed, it is truly the quality and depth without the emotion. Emotion is "fun" (sometimes) but life is far more than that.

    Hope that helps.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is subjective, and usually when people say slow things down it means one person in a relationship holds a different expectation than the other so you have to change things up a little so both people can be comfortable in the relationship. I tend to think also there is some natural progression of a relationship limited by the way people learn and progress through life, however I can point out couples that are exceptions in both successes and failures anywhere I go.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You are correct. From my similarly inexperienced viewpoint, the only logical speed at which a relationship "should"... go... is at whatever pace the couple takes it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • the flower that blossoms too fast lives only a short while, the ones that blossom too slow miss the day, and the flowers that blossom on time are most appreciated

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you want the logical answer, it's because their intellectual level is too small to provide the necessities needed for their s/o. That's how I see it & that's only IF you don't have what your s/o expects from you such as worldly possessions
    ( Anything that falls under any sin ).

    They slow things down because they want the moment to last forever.
    Sadly, there is no universal pace for how a relationship should move. ;P

    0|0
    0|0
  • Too fast and it means that sex was the priority, too slow and there's an implication that sexual chemistry was not as prevelent as it should have been. There is no set speed limit for a relationship, if it feels fast it's fast, if it feels slow it's slow, if it feels right it might be right. Don't overthink life and events, they're really simple.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Speed = distance / time

    If speed of growth of relationship is high, time spent in relationship will be lesser.

    If speed of growth is slow, relationships will last longer.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...