Do you think it's okay to date multiple people at once?

So, I've been seeing this guy right now mainly for about a month now, we get along well, share a lot of experiences with one another, we've been intimate, and he's even asked about a relationship. Although I like him and enjoy our time spent together, I just don't feel like committing myself to an exclusive relationship for whatever reason. Mainly because I work all of the time and am actually getting a second job right now to afford my apartment and car I just financed, so there won't be much time for a relationship anyway.

And also, I'm not "crazy" about him like I think I should be. It's just lacking a certain element of excitement for me, being around him. I don't get butterflies when I see him, or any of that stuff that you usually get when you're around someone you really like. At the same time, a guy I used to date casually has been contacting me recently wanting to see me, saying he really wants to make me his girlfriend -- he is really attractive and we connected well, but I couldn't imagine a relationship with him.

Lastly, another guy has been on my mind this entire time, a guy I've dated on and off since last year, and I have strong feelings toward him, but I don't think it's reciprocated. I'm just so torn between having a lack of feelings for someone, too many feelings for someone who likely doesn't share them, and someone who has too many feelings for me that I don't share. What should I do in this situation? I just feel so lost and confused. Maybe I should drop them all and refocus myself on my goals.

  • No, that's wrong. You should only devote your attention to one person at a time.
    27% (16)56% (29)41% (45)Vote
  • Yes, it's normal and healthy to explore other options if you aren't committed yet.
    29% (17)27% (14)28% (31)Vote
  • Sure, as long as you let them know you are dating other people.
    37% (22)15% (8)27% (30)Vote
  • Probably not, but as long as you don't tell them, it's fine.
    7% (4)2% (1)4% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

0|0
23|25

Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally I think if you're dating as in serious dating then it's one person right?

    If you're just casually meeting people and they are aware of that then it's ok. But if you ask someone out or get asked out then from date 2 onwards it should be clear that it's one on one.

    You don't appear to have done wrong though. Respect for admitting your feelings.

    Could you check out my question pls? It might help about this friend who seems to be suggestive even though she is taken. It's on my profile page. Would appreciate your thoughts.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • As long as both guys know that you're not exclusive and there's someone else, I don't see a problem with it. However, you do seem confused about it, and you say that you maybe should take time to focus on your goals. I think that that's what you should do, honestly. You can find someone later when you're ready to be exclusive, or you can go and date later, whatever you want. But get yourself sorted and happy with the rest of your life before you go for a relationship :)

    1|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 24

  • this is the key statement "Maybe I should drop them all and refocus myself on my goals" that is what you should do. NO DOUBT.

    6|5
    0|0
    • That's what I'm thinking honestly, but perspectives from others is helpful as well.

  • A lot of people think that dating = relationship, which it's NOT.

    You can date as many people as you like, it's your life. If a person you're dating doesn't approve it, you can end it with them or they can leave.

    I've dated 4 girls at the same time once. I thought it was good to have open options and find out which one of the 4 suited me best.

    3|0
    0|0
  • Definitely explore and play the field, don't act like you're in a committed relationship when you're not. :)

    2|0
    0|0
  • me personally am not into dating multiple people. for me dating was a means to an end, and the end was to meet my partner. I didn't personally feel like I could truly do that while dating multiple people

    but in general as long as people know that it isn't a committed relationship and you may be dating other people then you are free to do what you want AND that person can decide if they are ok being in that relationship with you even though it isn't exclusive

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think it's fine but I personally am not a fan of the idea. I don't want to invest my time, money, emotion, etc. in different people at once. And it can get confusing trying to remember details about a person. I'm also not a fan of competing with another person for love. If she told me that she was seeing another guy, I'd help her choose by eliminating myself out of the equation.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You are having mixed feelings between all these potential partners. There is nothing wrong with keeping it open until you decide, given anyone of them have the same option to have patience, (not patients) move on and find someone else, or keep it open with you, which doesn't seem like a good idea because of the effect it's having on you. The added pressure you feel from the competition between them with you're jobs is overwheming. Which one will go the length of helping you without the added stress of seeming to be a cheater? You always have phone numbers and social networking if you need a dating break and more further more selection and horizons.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't see a problem since you're not in a relationship with any of them. Keep having fun until you find the one.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Dating one person at a time is so inefficient.

    Go date prolifically until you've found someone you want to be exclusive with.

    1|0
    0|0
  • you should do what ever floats your boat. I know I don't have the time, energy or want to see multiple people. I prefer one very meaningful relationship, and I would want my partner to feel the same, just a compatibility thing, not a disapproval of those who want to see multiple people.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I personally do not agree with it, but I'm a one women kind of guy so my opinion is biased towards it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I know only one person who dates multiple people at once. Watching him is like watching someone trying to juggle eggs, dropping them all every time, and learning nothing from the experience. He's miserable for it, but won't consider any other approach.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Interesting situation.

    Its fine if you dont want a relationship with either. Like you said, your busy. Some people make time for the people they want to be around, but if you dont want to make time, its your choice.

    As far as dating, if you do go for both, at least let them know that they are not the only one with your attention. What happens next depends on how they react to that news.

    Just make sure not to use them and hide it from them. I wouldn't want them to think your using them for just sex, or just for money.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, it's not okay! That's cheating! Do you WANT to be labeled as a slut?

    1|0
    3|0
    • How is it cheating exactly? We aren't in a relationship, and I already told him I don't want to be exclusive, necessarily. I guess he's okay with it because he still chooses to see me. So how does that label me as a slut lol? Your logic is brilliant.

    • I didn't read the whole thing. :D

      #yolo

  • if you are single, sure. As long as you are honest and respectful to all

    2|0
    0|0
  • No, something i would do

    0|0
    0|0
  • "playing the field" "assisting the development of HIV"

    0|0
    0|0
    • Oh, yeah, because everyone has unprotected sex nowadays? You're an idiot.

    • Show All
    • bwhahahah im dying over here! that must be a Halloween costume then

    • yeah I remember when I was 12 lolololo

  • As long as they don't live in the same town as you it's not considered cheating. I believe I heard that from church, so that's the rule I follow

    0|0
    0|0
  • as long as they know your intentions its cool

    0|0
    0|0
  • As long as they both know, it's fine. But if they don't know, it's fucked up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I couldn't do it, I like to be faithful

    1|0
    0|0
  • You should only date one person at a time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I question your theory that a boyfriend who understands you are busy would take more time than having multiple friends with benefits out of your busy schedule.

    There are reasons to go for each, but I don't think time management is the one.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It's not the only one, but it is a valid reason. I just don't want to start something serious if I'm not feeling it one hundred percent going in.

  • Yes, it's okay. I have sex with multiple people if I'm not committed to any of them. Of course, once I commit to someone exclusively, I don't stray as long as we're together. But I would never stifle myself just because I had met a girl who seemed nice. Things have to move a lot further than that for me to pull back from other girls.

    0|0
    0|0
  • "Maybe I should drop them all and refocus myself on my goals."

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 22

  • You've got the first guy who's willing to make a go of things with you and you're putting him aside for a dude who thinks of you as Plan B and another guy who's using you for sex.

    Ditch Dudebros B and C and see where A takes you. If you're still not getting the relationship you want out of it after three months, move on. Just stop string yourself around after guys.

    1|0
    1|0
  • I don't really understand. How can you have the time to date 3 different guys, but not the time to spend on only one guy (= your boyfriend)?
    If you don't want a relationship or don't have the time for one, why date in the first place? The point of dating is finding someone to be with. Otherwise it's just called "fucking around" or having friends with benefits.
    None of these guys seem to be good. You don't have feelings for 2 of them and the one you do have feelings for doesn't feel the same way. Drop all of them and focus on yourself, especially considering that you said that you don't even have time for a boyfriend.

    3|0
    0|0
    • And dating all of them is fine as long as they all know you're not exclusive. But to me it just seems like you shouldn't be dating anyone at all right now.

    • Show All
    • "I just don't feel like committing myself to an exclusive relationship for whatever reason"
      Then you went on to say that it's "mainly" because lack of time. I assumed there was another reason which was that you might be disinterested in relationships as a whole right now. That's usually the most common reason why a person doesn't feel like being in a relationship - they just don't want one.

      I never said you're dating all of them, you asked if it's ok to date multiple people at once so that's why I said that it would be ok to date all of them if all of them knew about it.

      Maybe instead of being snarky and attacking me for my opinion, you should take a look at what you wrote and the way you formulated it. It can easily be misinterpreted the way you put it, so I'd say that you're the one who should brush up on your writing skills.

      And like I said, I wouldn't call that dating, I'd call that fucking around (not literally if that isn't your thing). Dating = trying to find a relationship.

    • Oh no, it's retarded.

  • It depends on the situation. If the guy knows you're casually dating and not exclusive then it's fine. But in this case you have a guy who wants to build a long-term relationship. If you know you will never want him like that, then continuing to casually date him is basically stringing him along and unfair.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You said it perfectly yourself... drop them all and refocus on yourself and your goals... because you'll end up getting hurt or hurting someone else if you step into a relationship with any of these guys. You sound like you know yourself and them and your compatibility with each very well, so just listen to yourself and never date more than one person at a time even if you tell them about it... I think that's wrong and emotionally confusing for everyone involved.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think it's a good idea to date more than one person nor would I date someone who was dating me and many other girls. I would rather be the only one even if it is just casual dating. If you do date more than one person, though, then it's best that you inform all of them that you are dating multiple people.

    0|0
    0|0
  • some people do it, some dont.

    i personally can't. it ain't how i roll.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Depends what you want but anything is ok as long as both people know what's up and are on board... by the way not having much Tim didn't much of an obstacle to a casual rewltionship. Again as long as eevryone in knows then they j ow ant to expect.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It sounds like you're looking for excuses bc you're not that into this guy. But three no such thing as not enough time bc there is all sorts of relationships.

  • C is none of their business
    unless STDs are in play

    Vote = B

    0|0
    0|0
  • As long as everyone is on the same page, it's ok.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If they're open to the idea of an open relationship then I don't see the problem.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not for me, but if someone feels they have to do it it's fine if everyone knows what's up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You seem lost, before you can get into a relationship with any one you should focus on yourself and you should give yourself more than enough attention because going into a relationship (if you want it to work) means providing quite a bit of care and security for and towards your partner- obviously before you can support another person you must be in a stable place yourself, know where you are heading first.

    At the same time if you are only looking for a 'shallow' relationship and dont feel you want to invest much too much of your time in it, then do it. Just make sure that everyone involved is in understanding. But it seems from you statement that that is not the case.

    0|0
    0|0
  • if romance starts to develop, stop it and tell him you're seeing other people. but this sounds fine now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I vote c

    Fill

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's okay, as long as you let them know that you are dating other people. If one of them is fine with an open relationship, then you're lucky.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's okay as long as everyone knows.

    0|0
    0|0
  • All depends on your mindset. If you are into serious relationships dont date multiple people. If you like having multiple partners dont date, its not natural.

    0|0
    0|0
  • None of the other men need to no if you are not committed , why the hell should you have to tell them your business. Personally I think you should go for none or tell the one you do have feelings for you like him

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you're not exclusive then you can date as many people as you want

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think you should just date all of them, because whether you are dating the one guy and having feelings for the other or dating both you're still doing the same act of not giving him your full heart. If you aren't serious then have fun and date all of them at the same time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • For some people, sure I think it's fine. If they aren't exclusive with who they are dating with. I personally can't date more than one at a time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's totally fine!

    0|0
    2|2
Loading...