Why do women say being a nice guy doesn't mean being a doormat?

Yet, whenever a nice guy sticks up for himself and refuses to be a doormat they call him an asshole? Also, as a note for the downvote brigade, I obviously don't mean all women.


0|0
14|27

Most Helpful Girl

  • Because, sticking up for yourself entails: knowing how to use tact, having a set of standards others know to respect, diplomacy, and putting things in proper perspective. Being a doormat who "sticks up for themselves" usually means: bottling your anger until you explode, ranting about the ones who've wronged you, demanding a certain action for a favor you did for someone, and not having enough social awareness to know when to leave someone alone. This is usually done under the guise of you just being "nice" to a girl or "friendly". That's just an a**hole who doesn't have very good boundaries or confidence. If you go through life confident, perceptive, unassuming, and self-aware, you get respect from people. If you do these things already then it's probably the other person angered by you not giving into their demands lol.

    0|0
    1|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • "Yet, whenever a nice guy sticks up for himself and refuses to be a doormat they call him an asshole? "

    This is why it pays not to give a shit what women (or anybody) thinks.
    You are in the wrong no matter what you do. :D

    0|3
    0|0

What Girls Said 13

  • Not being a doormat simply involves knowing when and how to say "No" and not allowing people to use you. That has nothing to do with how nice of a person you are. You can be as sweet as pie and still not let people use you. There's nothing wrong with or not nice about saying No.

    A doormat thinks that saying No is mean. Thus they end up getting walked all over because if you give some people the opportunity they'll use you without thinking twice.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Those kinds of girls basically want a sweet and shy guy who turns into an extremely confident alpha male whenever the slightest adversity arises.

    Obviously these kinds of guys don't exist. They're stuck chasing the "ideal" guy and ignore everyone else.

    0|1
    0|0
  • A Doormat is like you walk all over them.img4.wikia.nocookie.net/.../...3881985-500-250.gif

    0|0
    1|0
  • Depends on the women, and depends on how he's doing it.
    If you're refusing to be a doormat by calling every woman a bitch, then yes, you deserve to be called an asshole.

    2|1
    0|0
  • cause you don't want a puppy but independent person that is nice and kind to you

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's all about what you say when you refuse to be a 'doormat'.

    0|1
    0|1
  • how is he sticking up for himself?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I like my guy to have an opinion of some kind... shouldnot be like listening to all i say... should have stand... if he like saying yes yes all the time... I get bored

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe because he was an asshole

    0|0
    0|0
  • All Generalities
    “We think in generalities, but we live in detail.” Alfred North Whitehead

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's HOW they choose to stand up for themselves that matters.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Girls that call males assholes for sticking up for him self when he should, is ridiculous and not worth being with! Most boys are worth more than that

    1|7
    0|0
  • alpha or doormat

    0|1
    1|1

What Guys Said 26

  • A lot of guys that think they are nice aren't. Many "nice guys" just act like doormats, just act a certain way trying to impress a woman, it never works. They put up this act, then at some point "stick up for themselves", basically explode, showing their real colors. Those guys are assholes.

    Thing about your male friends. I'm sure you know some that are nice guys. They are genuine and real, say what's on their mind, don't act like robots. They tell you right away when something bothers them, they don't bottle it up. But if one was always nice, complimenting you, agreeing with you, pretending to like what you like, is that a nice guy?

    In my experience, most guys that claim they are nice and have a great personality are horrible, full of anger and frustration.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Ehr.. "Nice guy" If I never hear that term again it will be too soon. Being a nice guy is not anything special, it's not hard to be, it doesn't merit any kind of reward or recognition. Just don't be a f*cking dick, that's all you have to do. Ta-daa!

    I know guys who think they are being a nice guy by:

    Saying that they like all the things the girl likes.
    Dislike all the things they dislike.
    Agree with their every opinion.
    Do whatever they want to do.
    Accept all criticism.
    Always apologise.

    That's not being nice, that being fake and a pushover, which won't lead anywhere. Sometimes a girl will say something provoking just to try to get the guy to stick up for himself. And when he does, he goes overboard and just insults her or he says something really passive like "Uhm, I don't think you're being really fair to me right now".

    I understand why some guys do it. They think that the girl will like them more and they're afraid of losing them. If anyone insults you, is unfair to you or puts you down, then casually tell them to go f*ck themselves (without being to serious about it). If somebody won't speak to you again after you said that, then they never really liked you that much to begin with.

    While I won't assume that you are exactly the same type as what I described, it's not a stretch to imagine that you can (from the way you phrased your question) somewhat relate to it. If you can't, then I have no idea why you asked the question and this was just my rant because I hear the term "nice guy".

    0|0
    0|0
    • Incidentally your avatar is of the biggest douchebag boyfriend in television history.

  • To be honest I don't think "nice guy" has ever had any particular set meaning, it's just that umbrella term some girls throw out there when there's just a certain trait or attribute a guy possesses that they don't like (or it could be multiple traits).

    You also need to remember that you can only pull off being a certain way if you're physically attractive or at least have an aura of "attractiveness" about you (it's hard to describe, but you can do it pretty well through voice). Nobody on the planet tolerates an ugly asshole. Same goes for someone who speaks like they've got autism, if you're HANDSOME and autistic, it doesn't matter.

    data.archive.moe/.../1441161328846.png

    0|1
    0|0
  • That just mean the people you hang out with need 3 more years to be sufficiently mature.

    Unless no one actually ever told you any of that, and you're just making it up based on what you've read on the internet. In that case, the upper rule applies to you instead, because that's just not how people work. This oversimplification is meaningless sexist propaganda based on gender stereotypes that people learn from popular culture..

    0|0
    0|0
  • Doormat = having plans of your own and canceling them because you have to do something for someone while they go out and have fun instead

    Sarcastic asshole = *same situation to cancel your plans* lol you should be a comedian because you're so hilarious and I didn't know I have Welcome tatted on my forehead xD
    I'm more of this personally Lol

    Douche = nah fuck off slut

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can still stick for yourself without being a doormat. Never confuse confidence with arrogance, self-respect with egotism and courage with anger.

    0|1
    0|0
  • some people just don´t realize that they "use" others... and if they reject being used once, they only see what the guy changed. to them it appears as though you decided to bekome an asshole just because what you´ve been before seemed normal to them.

    also: could you make an example of what exactly you mean?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Like, any post of guys that used to bend over backwards for women, but, after getting tired of being stepped onfor it decided to quit being so helpful and do their own thing, they usually get cursed out

    • i don´t agree with that, to be honest. my theory to this is: the guy who has been used as a dormat is now that he realized that he´s been stepped upon irritated and doesn´t want that anymore. probably he overdoes the "acting normal" and maybe tries to get revenge for his former treatment by actually being kind of a bit of an asshole xD i´ve seen that with a good friend of mine... he allways switched from one extreme to the other.

  • Clearly these females and you disagree on the criteria for "being an asshole".

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nice guy and u will get taken advantage of. Thats how u gonna finish last when they find sumone who treat them like... pigs 😂

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's your looks. If you're average or ugly and you stand up for yourself against a better looking guy, even if you're not in the wrong, 99.999% of girls will NEVER take your side.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Everything depends on attitude. Women like confidence. Confidence is NOT expressed through forceful attempts at showing "you are not a doormat". You either are a doormat, or you are not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lol the bitterness do things because your nice not as a gift expecting female attention in return. Some guys assume by being nice they can over come their shitty attitude/ looks est... being a "nice guy" doesn't correlate to being kind and caring.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your skipping to the 2 extremes.

    Sticking up for something is good, but being too demanding is what turns you into an asshole. Dropping the topic at hand is best, and if anyone else continues to bring it up, they are the asshole.

    So be a nice guy, stand up against being a doormat, and if the girl is too demanding, dump her

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nice guys are doormats, doormats for people in power and realize their power like me to step on. For some reason, the women claim they try to go for the doormats. I cannot understand why.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Tbh, you sound like a total dick, you're worse in my book

    • Sound like is they key phrase in that sentence. You know literally nothing about me, except for the fact that I have an account on this site and what my age is.

  • You are mixing several different things into one here.

    Strong, intelligent and kind people are desired. This applies to both men and women.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's like saying no, working in the Poppy fields for no wages at all doesn't make you a slave, so go back there and do that and if you complain I will hit you

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know but I'm an asshole

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't be a push over.

    0|0
    0|0
  • What is a doormat?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Whenever you do things that aren't what people want, they will use guilt triggers to try to control you. The more this works on you, the more people will do it. You're a jerk or an asshole if you don't do what she wants, a girl is a prude if she won't do one thing, a slut if she wants something he doesn't, etc.

    Reacting to these guilt triggers is being a doormat.

    Don't expect anyone to applaud when you trust your own decisions and don't bend to their will.

    Don't expect anyone to respect you if you do never do though.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Cause women want to manipulate people dont let them win. A woman wouldn't hesitate to use her entire existence as a lie thats the kind of disgusting snakes they are.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am a nice guy. I am not a doormat. Doormats are people who allow for themselves to be mistreated. So standing up for yourself is the right thing to do. The problem is most people don't stand up for themselves correctly or do it for the wrong things. For example a guy is trying to date a girl. She gives him every reason to believe they'd be going out soon but then starts dating another guy. So many "nice guys" see this as something that's unfair disrespectful and rude and they stand up for themselves by confronting her. But this actually isn't standing up for yourself. This is being controlling. Standing up for yourself would be finding someone else to date that cares about you more. You can be nice. Take time to care about other people and treat them well but when you're doing it not because you want to buy because you want them to like you become a doormat. And when you refuse to no longer be a doormat you become a jerk. No one but you is aware of your feelings. If your buying a girl dinner she doesn't know your doing this in hopes that she'll one day be attracted to her but when you stop being a doormat (I. e. Doing nice things for the recognition despite not liking it) you unexpectedly pull the rug up from under them causing them pain they never knew was coming. To make matters worse you blame them for your pain when really they were only doing what they thought was okay. The trick is don't be nice for approval and acceptance be nice because you approve and accept.

    0|0
    0|0
    • That one weird sentence should read: "Take time to care about other people and treat them well but when your doing it because you want them to like you, you become a doormat".

  • uhm most of the times it depends on the girl that is facing you, i had a girlfriend for 5 weeks, 3 months ago, and i became an absolute doormat. She was insane, she accused me of all sorts of things, if i would get back home 5 minutes to late from work ( driving through the poring rain during night times, she would accuse me of cheating on her, asking me where i was etc.. If i would stay online on whats app just 1 minute too long after telling her goodnight, she would ask me why i was still online and to which girl i was talking. Every single time i had to watch out what i was writing her, because 1 wrong word and she would get upset. She would stay upset untill i apologized and told her i would make up to her. Making up to her ment heaving sex, i went nowhere with her, always at my place. sex, sex and sex. I dont care how great she looked, she was fucking insane. But the worst part is, i wasn't allowed to talk to female friends. Im not the type of guy that will cheat on my girlfriend. So she asked if she could check my phone and she was asking me, who is she, she and she. then she saw a female friend of mine called me the night before, but i never answered her phone call nor did i reply. she started telling me to tell this fucking bitch to leave me alone, i tried to explain that this girl was an old collegeau of mine , and that we were just friends. no i had to text this girl that we were no longer friends, as stupid as i was, i did text her that. no reply. now she wanted me to call her in front of her and tell her to fuck off. she didn't just get it, this was just a friend. she didn't care if it made me feel shit , so i finally said that i had enough. i wasn't going to call her, if she wants to be my girlfriend, then trust me if not, fuck off. you are out of your mind. i felt better after letting it out. ofcourse she was upset , i was a piece of shit and she didn't wanted to see me ever again. all those 5 weeks, i did nothing wrong to her, and she just turned me into a doormat.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Well, listen. I don't consider myself some good looking bachelor stud. I've never had sex before and I don't think too highly of myself when it comes to the whole dating scene. The thing is, though, is that I have personal experience which suggests that women like to test guys out with this stuff, and see what happens. The whole nice guy thing, I try to avoid, since it causes so much anger on the Internet. But I would rather live my own life, and not bow down to people, yet also try to be a decent guy at the same time. I'm not going to kiss anybody's ass, but I'm also not going to be a huge jerk just because I think I can get away with it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Again bro. I think you worry too much. Some people just aren't going to like you no matter what you do. If you're nice people won't like you. If you aren't nice people won't like you. You can't change that. There's always someone who isn't going to like you. You just have to be who you are regardless. And it doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Because they don't want him to be a doormat except when the bill comes.

    0|0
    0|0
    • If you're the one asking her out, you would look like an ass if you make her pay. When I, A FEMALE, ask a guy out, I always offer to pay for their food.

    • Show All
    • @ras144 Lol and that's why women just keep on giving hints rather than asking the guy out. So they wouldn't have to pay. And if he doesn't then they move on to like the next guy. I don't see anything wrong with guys paying but a lot of girls expect guys to pay all the time even after being official in a relationship.

    • OpinionOwner, I hope you're not one of those guys who assume every female gets asked out all the time as if we're drowning in a sea of dicks as if we have an easier time then men when it comes to dating.

      @MyUsernameRules
      Then simply dont date Gold Diggers and girls who just want play games.

Loading...