Do you believe in "the one"?

I've been having a lot of trouble lately determining who is "the one" for me and what I really want in a spouse for the rest of my life and so on, and I've looked a lot into couples and seen where they may appear to be "perfect" but then you look deeper and find out that, of course, they aren't. I know relationships won't ever be perfect, but how do you know when you've met the one you are supposed to figure it all out with?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • you don't "find" the one, you become the one. people expect happiness to come from external sources when it should originate from one's self. also in the era of ego, noone cares to take the blame for a faulty relationship. imho, the most important forgotten phrase is: "it's my fault!". and its important to do the best possible and be the best possible person when interacting to other humans.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • First question, yes I believe in the one. Second question, is the cliche answer of "you'll just know". When it's right, you won't have to wonder if it's right because in your heart you'll just know that it is.

    Now, for further unsolicited advice or opinions. You're right that no relationship is perfect but you need to understand that the couples that try REALLY hard to appear perfect to other people, probably aren't and are trying to cover up all the flaws. That's why I don't want perfect, I just want real. Perfection, leads to disappointment but being real as an individual and a couple leaves less worry for getting disappointed by the little things they do.

    Also, just because that perfect or any couple fights. Doesn't mean that they don't love each other or that they are going to break up. I feel like maybe that's something you might be thinking about and shouldn't, fights don't automatically mean divorce. It's more the issue at hand the couple themselves, when that's put on the table. So, don't think disagreements are a bad thing because sometimes they are actually a good thing.

    Another thing, I think people spend too much time trying to figure out what they want in a spouse but the truth is when it's right you'll just know they are someone you want to marry. It's not about figuring out before hand what qualities you want them have because that could change through out the course of your dating life. It's about just letting it happen and when you find someone REALLY special who you can't imagine living without, then not only will you know it's right but you'll suddenly know what you want because you want them and everything that makes them who they are, the good, the bad and the otherwise. Just a little perspective for you.

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What Guys Said 45

  • I am not sure that there is only "ONE." But i am sure there are only "some."

    I won't tell my story really, but it is sufficient to say that I have experience the "one" and we were deeply compatible spiritually, mentally and physically. And i think you need to be that way on all three axis, not just 1 or 2 of them.

    When i say spiritually, I do not just mean "religiously" I mean that we were deeply and emotionally connected, could feel one another, and felt one in the deepest sense. It is hard to explain, but you know it when it is there. If you don't know it, it isn't happening.

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    • I understand the first two, but what do you mean with physically compatible? Are you talking about looks, sex life, or just general fitness level?

    • @TheGeorge I am talking about you physically are into each other. Not saying it about Looks per se, but saying that there is a level of physical attraction that keeps the two of you interested... And you are also of the same mind on fitness and taking care of yourself as well.

    • I see. Thanks :)

  • You don't magically find the ONE. You find someone and work towards it until one day you can finally say you are truly happy with your relationship.

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  • When 'THE ONE' happens you just know he/she is the one. You will automatically work out everything around you to suit each other even if it's more one sided than 2.

    It's happened to me and I knew it instantly that she's the one and it was awesome while it lasted :)

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  • No I don't. If there was a one then that means our lives are predetermined. I cannot accept that as a possibility.

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  • I only believe that there are some individuals in the world who both find each other physically attractive, and their behavior and values are sufficiently compatible enough that the two would rather be together than apart.

    There is no such thing as "the one". There's only "sufficiently mutually compatible partners with mutual interest".

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  • The only way to know if go out and date lots of different people. Then you will know what works best for you. Hope. that helps.

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  • The one? I thought I did until I got divorced. Then I realized that there is no one who is perfect for each other; you have to pick 5 things your five turnoff and manage the rest. I recommend you listen to my friend Dan Savage, he is awesome on relationships advice, check on youtube for Dan Savage, the price of admission.

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  • I honestly believe there are more than just the one, there are way too many people in the world to only believe there's only 1 that will work for you. That being said, I am however all for monogamy.

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  • Yes I believe in the one, but rather I believe that there is simply someone out there whom I will spend my life with, not so much that I am destined to be with one specific person, maybe I've her before, maybe I know her now or perhaps I haven't met yet, who knows -shrugs-.

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  • I believe "the one" is more or less a perfect fit, as in the pieces of the puzzle all come together. However, there isn't any only "the one", there's hundreds, if not thousands or more of people that could be "the one" to someone. Just as there's thounsands of different puzzle pieces from different pictures that could complete your's.

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  • I believe that for eacjh person there are hundreds of millions of possible life partners with who they can live a long happy life. But both have to accept the others' shortcomings, of course.

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  • I am THE ONE.

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  • I used to, and I still want to, but as of now I highly doubt it. 😕

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  • To be honest, I have a answer but it's hard to explain.

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  • his name is neo and he will save us all

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  • No, there are lots of people you can spend the rest of your life with happily. "The one"
    is merely a fairytale. Even though you can never be 100% compatible with someone, you can be enough compatible to live happily ever after with one person in every ten people you meet.

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  • Not really. I am post modernist that is there could be more than one perspective that is true.
    Try learning sociology. :)

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  • You can have preferences in who you like, but I don't think the "one" actually exists.

    Many people are fed this idea of the "one" but in fact there are probably many good people out there who could be good matches for you.

    And no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and problems. Can't dismiss everybody or else you may have been too picky and stay single

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  • I honestly think it is the person's choice. My wife was the one I choose. Yes we had great chemistry but as you progress in marriage we change. What I wanted when we got married is completely different than what I want know. I think most people do not realize this. Does this change mean it will be bad for the marriage no, it just means learning more about each other. Love is a choice and you can choose not to love or to love everyday.

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  • there is no "the one"... what if you allready met her or won´t ever meat her? there has to be more than one.

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  • i wonder how many times people have thought that the person was the one and totally got there heart ripped out of their chest yea i believe in the one the one right in front of you who treats you well

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  • There is no such thing as the one, it's just something that people say to keep their faith in finding someone who they love and who loves them back as much as they want.
    In reality, humans weren't supposed to be bound to anyone, it was only when mankind started the predecessor of society that being bound to someone became a thing.

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  • Female finds 80%+ guys unattractive, while that 20% of guys left are common to all woman. Mathematically, majority of woman can't be happy. Guys on the other hand, find majority of woman attractive. This shit just can't work, especially for woman. Just look how their eyes glaze and how they act serious when hot guy is in their presence.

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  • The one is a construction of our mind. Is not realistic since is perfect, it doesn't considere flaws and we will see peaces of that construction whit the persons we will have relationship whit across time.

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  • In my experience, people only believe in "the one" for as long as they think they're with them. At any other time, it provides no logical comfort.

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  • not the "one" I belong eve there are several people who could be "the one" but yes, I believe there are perfect people for me.

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  • Relationships are not perfect, there isn't "the one". All relationships take a lot of effort and hardship to keep going.
    Some are just worth it more than the others.

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  • Sort of. There may be another person of the opposite gender out there fit for everyone, but I also thinks that if u spend enough time with someone, they can turn into the one.

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  • No, there are 7 billion people on earth so about 3.5 billion women. That means statistically there are many potential "the ones".

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  • Well you will only know once you've found them.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 25

  • For me personally I believe I've met the right one when I meet a guy who is my best friend while I feel chemistry at the same time. It's important that my partner is literally like a best friend and someone I could talk to about anything. If I need to be on my tip toes all the time and he's hot/cold with me then he's not the one for me. I don't believe there's only one person out there for everyone. But I do believe you are more cut out for one person over say another due to compatibility and chemistry.

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  • i do. i wouldn't be able to tell u how one knows. i guess u kinda just figure it out over time, or it's a feeling u get.
    it must be something different for everyone. that's my guess.

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  • I don't think there is the one. I think there are many. If there was only one person for us, then that's frightening. Out of the entire world, only one person? Not realistic

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  • I've always believed that we make our own "destiny" and that statistically, there will be a handful of people we'll come across in life with whom we are deeply compatible and some of those are going to be great friends, others will be lovers and some might be family.

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  • I believe that there are many people out there who could potentially be someone you'd fall in love with perpetually. However, your choices and decisions influences which of them you'll meet. There are so many factors that are involved when making a relationship last, the most important of them being timing. You may have met that person already but due to certain circumstances, you didn't see it, or things didn't work out.

    In despite of all, I think anybody could be that idealistic perception of 'the one' if at the end of the day, they're invested in you as much as you are in them.

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  • Yeah I believe everyone has a 'one' that they will find. Nobody's perfect so they can't be a perfect relationship either, (but some can come pretty close).

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  • am curious about it /confused about it too tbh but i want "the one too :/

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  • Yes I do :D

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  • I do believe in finding one person I want to share myself with for the rest of my life. Finding that person is the hard part.

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  • I do believe in "the one". You know you've met THE ONE when you're not still asking when you're gonna meet the one.
    Once you've met your one, there's not gonna be any other ones you want.

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  • I don't believe in "the one", although I do believe in soul mates. Rather than believing that there is one person for everyone, I believe that each person had multiple soul mates, multiple who they could have a happy, fulfilling relationship with. I don't believe that there is just one person you're meant to be with, where if you screw it up with them, you're done.

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  • I very much do

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  • I don't believe in "the one". I don't believe there is an ocean of guys (literally 3 billions of people) who can be "the one" for me either, but there's definitely a small lake of guys who could be happy with me as I could be happy with them.

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  • I want to believe he exists...

    media.tumblr.com/tumblr_madqtbSdQO1r9ixyz.gif

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  • There is no "the one". Eventually you just meet someone who you are compatible with.

    Or maybe not. Who knows?

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  • Yes, I believe in the one and am thankfully married to him now. And as elders have told us... you just know. No couple is perfect and marriage is a hard job.. but you make things work!

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  • There is such thing as a soulmate everyone has one, its this out of the world feeling you get tingly and feel like your on a natural high being happy with that person all the time willing to do things you never saw yourself doing and all this mushy gushy stuff all girls say is true when their in love you'll know when you have the one with the unforgettable feeling she or he gives you.

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  • Yes, of of course

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  • I have no idea.

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  • There is no single "the one." You will be varying degrees of compatibility between all the people you meet and "the one" is the person you decide is compatible enough that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with them.

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  • I think there can be more than one compatible partner. I think The One is just bullshit and I think it's another word for a guy or a girl that will put up with someone's bullshit and the person stays with them because they feel they are done looking and they can't find anyone else. Especially men

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  • "the one" desnt excist.

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  • to be honest i think all men are assholes and can never be faithful
    so in my opinion there isn't "the one" well instead better try to find "the one" vibrator

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  • I didn't know who was right for me either until I met him. The first time I met my fiancé I knew there was something special about him. He was the first person I saw in the room, when our eyes locked everything else blurred. When I finally managed to look away I remember thinking "Woah". I felt like Bambi as I walked towards my friends table and I actually felt dizzy. It was as if I had finished a marathon, with weak and unstable knees and a racing heart. We couldn't tear our eyes away from eachother the entire night.

    I have never felt this way before, there's always been some kind of doubt about whether the person was right for me or not and everytime I've felt that doubt I've been right. But after the night I met my guy, there was something in me that just felt complete, which is crazy because we had just met.

    We've been through a lot and there definitely were disturbing incidents in our lives that affected our relationship. But the thing is that through everything, whatever life threw at us, it remained disturbing and not destroying.

    That's why I know.

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  • There is no "one". You just have to use your best judgement and find a partner who supports and lives and respects you as much as you do them. Inequalities and injustice and lack of respect are killers in relationships.

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