Why is it ok for women to not risk their self esteem to ask a guy out, but its ok, and even expected of guys to risk these things to ask a girl out?

For the longest time in my life, I thought there was something wrong with me because women NEVER approach me, they never come talk to me, or ask me out, or try to pursue a relationship with me, and I always blamed on myself not being good enough (which, as you can imagine, wasn't good for my self esteem). I literally felt like a pile of crap because women didn't even talk to me, and I was so beyond shy, so socially inept, and so scared that I couldnt talk to or approach them. After getting a lot of opinions online I determined that the general consensus among women is that "they dont want to risk rejection", or "they dont want to risk hurting their self esteem", or something along those lines, so they dont even talk to guys that dont approach them. This proved that it wasn't just me who was experiencing this problem, as other guys vented their frustrations to it as well. As a guy, if you have lower self esteem then normal (such as myself), then you are set up to fail from the start, because women aren't helping at all. At parties, women sit in the corner and wait to be approached, and amazingly they are approached. If I sit in the corner at a party I sit there alone for the night. This is the most backwards thing I have ever seen, women who are too scared to ask guys out, or too nervous about rejection, can still be successful dating, but if a guy, such as myself, is too scared to ask girls out, then he is never going to get a girlfriend. Women look at me and say "that person is of the male sex, therefore he definitely has more self esteem then me, and he can take a rejection"... no, just no. I know right now if I got rejected by the girl I liked I would go cry in my room like a little girl, I dont have more self esteem then women, I HATE THAT GENERALIZATION. The double standard that its ok for a guy to have his ego hurt by rejection, but not a girl, pisses me off so much. Why is this even here? Why are women so cruel to guys like me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can understand your frustration. It's true that many guys tend to feel afraid of rejection more than women. That's because men feel like it's their job to pursue women. When they get rejected, they feel like they failed at their duty as a man. It's never a duty to approach a person, man or woman. It's about wanting to.
    Have you ever noticed girls look at you? You never mentioned that part in your question. Maybe girls want you to talk to them. But, they may feel like you don't want to talk to them, too. I agree that it's not fair for a man to be put down the way women aren't when it comes to rejection. Especially if the man and the woman are both genuine in their approaches.
    Women are seen as the more emotional and sensitive sex. Which is why men are put down much more harshly than women. I think it is very sad.
    I'm sorry you've been going through this. If you feel like your self esteem is low, start slowly. Everyone gets rejected at some point in their lives. That's just the way life is. But, that's how people learn. You learn about how people are as people.
    Approach girls who also look like the shy type first. Try to look more approachable and less shy. If you sit in a corner, people will think you don't want to be approach. Girls don't think they have to approach guys. Which is probably why they don't approach you. Maybe girls do wait for you to approach them. Sitting by yourself will not help the situation at all.
    If you're not ready to converse with anyone at first, Grab a drink or sit near a crowd around you. Someone should be bound to talk to you.
    There will be times when you would probably HAVE to make the first move, though. If it doesn't work with everyone, it will work with some people. Thats how I broke the ice being a shy girl myself.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Story or my life. Let me know if you ever get this predicament figured out.

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What Girls Said 2

  • men ask women out it's not to say women don't do anything... there's about 10 things a woman does to encourage a man so don't feel it's a drudgery... if a woman smiles at you it's a good thing if a woman mentions she doesn't have a boyfriend it's a more than subtle hint... there's so many things a woman can do so it's not that bad... i got into arguements with other men and woman but i simply will not ask a man and it has nothing to do with their looks or anything else... get used to it i still believe there's a lot of women who won't ask a man... men will have to be that men so start acting like a man.

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  • I can only speak for myself but, in my culture (Hispanic/Latin) 'proper' girls don't 'lower themselves' by asking a man out. It's considered cheap or desperate. I can logically say that's not true but it's so embedded in me that I still feel uncomfortable making the first move.

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What Guys Said 1

  • it's stupid. A lot of girls refuse to ask a guy out even if she likes him and thinks he's attractive. She'll do things to get his attention and try to get him to ask her out but refuses to ask him out.

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