When guys say they spend a lot of time with there kids is this a cop out to not be serious?

A common thing I've noticed with online dating is that guys say I don't have a lot of time because I work and spend it with my kids. Is it that they are being honest or is it just a copout to not be serious. Could someone explain this?

Updates:
Once again I understand kids take up time mine do but why be on a dating site looking to date someone and then say you don't have time because of any reason kids work etc.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's a copout... if they were serious about a girl then they would include their girlfriend. The only reason it would not be a copout is if the marriage recently broke-up, you can't expect him to introduce a girlfriend so soon after the break-up that would be very hard on the kids. But if it has been years since the break-up then there should be a gradual introduction of the girlfriend to the kids. Once it is complete then you get to spend more time together.

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    • Thanks for the MH... the way I look at it is my girlfriend is a good person, so I like the idea of her and my daughter being close. It provides a women's perspective on things, that I can't provide.

      I am blessed to have a girlfriend that likes spending time with daughter. I know that my girlfriend appreciates me letting her spend time with my daughter too. They have a great bond!

What Guys Said 12

  • There’s no cop out to this, being a parent is 24/7 and dating and screwing around is something should take a back seat. A good parent will have their priorities straight and dating a shacking up with someone will be the last thing they are worried about.

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    • Too bad I notice a lot of women taking boyfriends over kids not realize these boyfriends will leave them with more kids. Lol.

  • You have nailed it. Because if they didn't have time to date regardless of kids. Then they wouldn't have time to look for a date either. So yeah. Its a cop out or a wimp out. X

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  • Most likely he is good guy and there is no cop out
    i never been a dad but yes having a child you got
    to make sure they have things they need help
    woth school work, doing activitys with the child
    taking them to appointments, make sure they get
    fed etc ,

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  • Kids will keep you busy like hell I am told. But then again. When you like someone, you make time for them even if you are busy. And when you make time for them even if you are busy, you hope they will appreciate it :)

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  • No, it sounds like he is being a reasonable and mature parent. Try not to make everything about you, or always take things personally. He actually means what he says, it has nothing to do with a cop out.

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  • It's hard to say. Some are truly genuine and serous when they say it, and some are lying through their teeth and they are just copping out to probably get sex from someone.

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  • Depends I guess... maybe there looking for someone to be on the same level as them

    not having much time doesn't mean he's not willing to meet you

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  • It is nice to know what one is buying into. If he is divorced, then it takes an incredible amount of effort to maintain a relationship with his kids.

    Some women are understanding of that, some are not. It is a filter.

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  • No its them being honest and letting you know that their child does and will always take priority and you better know what your getting into so you can deal with it.

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  • Lol because they want to overtly portray that they are an "awesome daddy". Awesome dads should win your affection. In theory.

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  • They have time to have the odd nice evening, dinner, and fuck, and some of them have time to do that exclusively with one woman.

    For it to move beyond that, you'd likely need to be ready to make the jump to part time step-mom, or it's just not happening.

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  • What would it say about a man's character if he often took away the time he gives to his own flesh and blood offsprings and gave it to women he barely new? I wouldn't like that guy very much but at the same time is it wrong of him to make efforts to find someone who makes him happy. So no I don't think it's a cop out I just think it's a difficult situation. If the women he dates don't get what kind of difficulties, like time constraints, having a child can bring then it's best that they just stop dating him. That's his life and it's not changing anytime soon

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What Girls Said 11

  • I think for the most part it means that they just aren't as interested in you. However in some small cases it could be that they are too busy.

    My boyfriend is very busy, but doesn't have kids. However he still makes some time for me. Not as much time as I'd like, but he does try.

    He works a lot and has family obligations plus his hobbies. He stays in contact with me daily though, so we are able to work out time to see each other.

    I really think if this guy cared he would definitely make time. Especially with kids, because if they are still small he would need to plan out either their mom taking them or someone else. So he would HAVE to know when he is free. Mind you maybe the situation is complicated and it does take a lot of his time.

    Being busy as a parent I get. But if he has time to be searching and talking with women, then he has time to see you. I think what you should do is talk to him about this and see what's really going on. I'm all for being understanding, but you have to be careful. I know many times my understanding has gotten me into situations where I was waiting around for someone who didn't deserve it.

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  • If they have kids, their kids will always come first over any new relationship. And that's the way it should be. Kids take a lot of time so no, it's not just some excuse

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  • I know I don't have a lot of time between work and my son, but I make time for the guy I'm seeing (whom I met online)

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  • Kids take a crap ton of time, if parenting is done right (imo). I think putting that out there is for those who don't have kids, so they are immediately aware that A) dude gives a sh*t about his kids, B) he'll make time for you when he can. Let's face it, when Little Sally has the flu all of a sudden, guess what, you aren't going on a date for a while and you need to understand that (see A). If you already have kids, then you wouldn't question him putting that on there. Now, if he finds someone he clicks with, more time will be made because that's just how it works. But don't be pissed if he cancels a date because something comes up with his kids.

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  • I think it's being totally honest. He's letting you know he has kids and that he can't see you as often and spontanious as you may like. i don't think it has anything to do with not wanting a relationship or being a copout. He's letting you know up front what to expect so if you can't handle it don't waste either of your time.

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  • Oh, honey, you couldn't have it more backwards. Men who prioritize their kids are the most committed guys you'll ever find. Parenting is enormously time consuming, and sometimes exhausting, and if you ask him to choose between you and his kids, a good man will choose his kids every time, even if he genuinely cares about you. He's living up to his obligations, and putting someone else's needs ahead of his own - the best kind of human being!

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    • I couldn't agree more. I guess I'm more confused as to why they would say this. I have kids so I understand how busy they are. But is it not a contradiction to want to date someone then say your time is taken.

    • Sorry - I shouldn't have assumed. I guess if he's NEVER available to go out then he's just not that interested. But if he can only find the time once every few weeks, I think for some parents' schedules (or babysitting budgets), that's just reality. You'll have to decide how much he's worth the schedule wrangling, I guess.

    • I think that charades has got it right. Maybe he's looking for someone that wants a family and will be happy to eventually spend most of the time together rather than solely one-on--one. Timing is everything though. Is this description in their profile or does it come up after a few dates as an excuse not to see you?

  • It's letting the person know that they have priorities that come before dating, doesn't mean they can't date but that they have to look after their kids and won't be able to do things at the drop of a hat. I don't think it has anything to do with not being serious, the opposite if anything.

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  • For many guys having kids is a huge turn off because too much issues and commitment involved there. And history with your ex. And really, you would indeed need to spend a lot of time with your kids, no?

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  • I feel like sometimes it is a cop out
    Unless the ex is dead there should be no reason why he's always with his kids unless he's using it as an excuse to avoid you. Of course his kids will always come first but if he makes plans with you he should follow through unless there is a emergency

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  • No it's not a cop out. I have a kid and I work I only get 1 night a week to go out and sometimes I choose to spend with friends other times I choose to see the man I like but I prefer to see my friends although I do like him

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  • If no family support, then I also wonder why on a dating site other than to gain a penpal gal.
    Except guys will stiff arm gals moving in too fast.. think guys = tortoises, gals = rabbits
    It's best for gals w/kids to build a vast communication base with a few guys before gleaning the truth out, then selecting someone worthy to meet face-face anyway.

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