All the time when I read about how to get a girlfriend, I keep hearing about "game" and about how women see guys without "game" as weak, boring, and only good enough to be friends. I would say I am one of these guys who lacks "game". I'm nice, friendly, and I try to be upbeat when I can - it's not that I'm a suckup, it's that I was raised to be friendly and the Golden Rule makes sense to me - I want to be treated kindly, so I treat others kindly. I can hold a decent conversation about a variety of topics, and I can also be a good listener when someone needs it. I'm not a comedian, but if I see an opportunity to make someone laugh I go for it. I try to encourage and make others feel good because I appreciate it when they do the same for me. I try to think of interesting things to read about, talk about, and get into. I have some hobbies that I am interested in, but not that good at yet.
As you can guess, while I have been able to talk to women I have had no luck getting a girlfriend.
Like I said, I don't have "game", and while I'm not sure what it means, from looking around, it seems to mean being loud, obnoxious, shallow, selfish, unfeeling, rude, distasteful, sarcastic, cynical, bullying, disrespectful, defiant of anything and everything, (self-) destructive, anti-intellectual (except to show superiority), cocky, and hyper-macho. I've never felt a need or desire to act in any of these ways which seem really negative to me - I have always followed my own interests without feeling like reducing everything into a dominance game. I've never felt like I should just have a hostile, aggressive personality without being provoked. I've never felt a need to be "cool" or "bad", being like that has always seemed not only unnecessary but plain dumb, and if I acted like that it would cost me my family, friends, health, my future. Just to be "cool".
I'd like to get girls to see me as boyfriend material, not just a friend. But I don't want to act like that. What can I do?
On the other hand, one of the women I've liked described me as "sweet", "shiny", and "sunny" and said I made her feel happy. She'd show interest in talking to me all the time and said she cared for me.
The problem seems to be getting women to feel a "spark" for me. But I don't know how to do that.
Most Helpful Guy
It feels like your outlook on life is too negative and you should change that. It's not true that bad guys get all the women in the world. They just want you to believe that. You seem to be more confident than the average nice guy, so it shouldn't be too hard for you. Just be outgoing and do a lot of stuff, especially on the weekends.
It helps a lot to have a lot of friends. I'm not talking about 3 dudes standing next to the dance floor on a Saturday night. I'm talking about a diverse group of friends consisting of both men and women with whom you meet up on a regular basis and do stuff. You should also try to be the one who initiates such activities. All this will make you look quite popular and fun to be around. People still remember parties I gave 5 years ago for example. You can be nice and be popular at the same time. Just work on your image.0
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