Is online dating becoming harder for guys?

I recently re-joined online dating. I am not getting the same results I got a year ago!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The One thing that I do know that has gotten More in store with 'Online dating' here, dear, is the false profiles and scams and scammers.
    I have talked to a lot of different guys who have gone on dating sites and found many or even nearly One that was no fun because they were All the Above.
    Make your own profile as presentable as you can as a man. Make yourself as interesting as you can and be Exact. There is actually girls out there who are looking and lurking for an Honest John.
    Good luck. xx

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys shouldn't be "online" dating, anyway.

    Right off the bat, if a guy is on a dating website, his perceived value and attractiveness as a man is below the basement floor tiles.

    Additionally, the Internet doesn't work the same way for guys as it does for girls. If you're a girl (and you're physically attractive), the Internet is candy land for dating. Put up a Facebook, an Instagram, a Twitter, a Tumblr, etc., pictures galore. You don't have to say a thing. 4,000+ "likes" or whatever per day! That's not just "page views," but affirmative engagement by "customers." They're communicating and giving feedback in that they like what they see.

    Now, granted, this has a negative effect on a girl's dating life. It turns off other men that would otherwise be interested. They see 4,000 guys competing for attention, and they think, "Fuck that, I'm not going to waste my time and energy being one in 4,000, just so she can automatically lump me into the 'just another guy looking for sex' category in her head." So, the "quantity" is there, but the "quality" is actually filtered "out."

    Men, on the other hand, don't have a "quantity" problem. Guys also do not want a "quantity" problem, unless they're just looking for sex. So, unless your new religion is "Fitness & the Gym," if you aspire to be the kind of guy who takes half-naked selfies and have that be your online identity, then what you're communicating is that you're just looking for sex.

    Men aren't "present" through sites like Facebook, or Instagram, etc., where "pictures" are the main form of communication regarding their value.

    No, men are present through sites like "Google" and "LinkedIn." It doesn't matter so much "what they look like," as much as "who they are" (i. e., in society). Men "glance" at women, but women "research and evaluate" men.

    So, if someone's name is blowing up Google in a good way, or they have a very impressive resume' in terms of work experience and education on their LinkedIn... where there's a will, there's a way.

    Women will find a way to send an "In Mail" or contact the guy for a "business question" or "business introduction," or "accidental meeting/run-in" live in person.

    "Focusing on taking better pictures for Instagram" is less effective than, "dieting, going to the gym, and dressing better." Similarly, "making a better dating profile" is less effective than, "being someone with higher financial and social status in real life." Focus your energy on the right things.

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    • Well put. I never gave this any thought before but this makes a lot of sense.

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    • What I forgot to say is my easiest time meeting women is when I meet them through friends/people I already know or they approach me first.

    • What you said is absolutely true, for most sites. There are a few, maybe five or six that I know of, where the tables are turned. There are more women than men, and the women are fabulous.

What Girls Said 16

  • It could just be the people who happen to be on there at the same time as you? Sometimes with online dating people are looking for different things. People move, try different sites or go offline. It takes time to meet a good person. Plus it really depends on what you are looking for.

    If you are just looking to hook up, well it's not going to be as hard if your priorities aren't high. However, if you are looking for a girlfriend or future wife, well then it gets a lot harder. Mainly because your standards are going to be much higher.

    My advice is to keep trying. But also look into other ways to meet girls. Get involved in some hobbies, take a class, do stuff that gets you involved with people who are not already in your social circle.

    Plus work on your profile. Make sure it's clear about who you are, goals, interests and hobbies. Make sure you have a recent picture and that you don't just have pictures with a group of friends (how do people even know which one is you?).

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  • it's harder too for girls, guys usually just searching for hook ups

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    • How is it hard for a girl? Especially when they have 700 messages. They have the option to be picky... Whereas for a guy he has to literally ask every girl...

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    • I think u alrdy found the rigjt person infront of u right now baby 👄

    • It's really not that hard to tell the difference. They usually say something that involves a pickup line then sex. Wow thats hard to tell.
      For me, I always want to start out being a friend then expanding it. I don't ever talk about sex. Never. If we don't have chemistry within the first few messages I stop. If we do I try to progress things further.

  • That's because you're now older ergo uglier.

    Obviously.
    media2.giphy.com/media/w7mLEAMcpjrpe/giphy.gif

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  • Yes because in this generation, many people lie or fake their personal information, and act like someone they're not. Most people just go onto online dating to have some sex, and leave you forever.

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  • Online dating is becoming harder for everyone. No matter what gender.

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  • Dating for guys online AND offline will always be harder than it is for grrrls.

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  • its hard for women too--most men are crazy selfish and just looking ot blow a load, so no thanks... being single is much better

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  • If you think it's hard for guys, you have no idea how it is for girl.

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    • How is it hard for a girl? Especially when they have 700 messages. They have the option to be picky... Whereas for a guy he has to literally ask every girl.

  • More people are false and want just a hook up. So yes it's harder. But still possible.

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  • Men who do online dating usually have unrealistic expectations of what they want in a women. It's not hard for them they just expect the woman to basically be perfect and have all the qualifications

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    • This couldn't be MORE WRONG. A guys expectations are actually lowered because of the amount of messages a normal half decent girl gets. He is simply lost within the crowd. The girls have the option to be picky because they have hundreds of guys biting at their feet wanting a piece of her..

    • @schnipdip i did not get bombarded with messages when I use to do online dating
      And the attractive guys who turned out to be gentleman ended up being psycho in the end

  • What results do you want a relationship or to get laid?

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  • Dating is hard for everyone

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  • Online dating is becoming more tricky because people are becoming less and less trusting of others on the internet. Just watch murder investigation shows and you'll know why.

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  • Not only for men. Seems like for us women it gets harder too. I came to the point that I rather stay single then be too desperate looking for dates online lol

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    • Hows it hard for u anon babez? Im alrdy right here so u dont needa look far and wide for the one 👄

    • @Keyspirits aaaw that's cute 😘

  • i think it has been.

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  • I like fat guys only. I also like their cute, fat cocks.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Online dating wasn't hard for me, I just never got quality results. Maybe it's my area but a good portion of the women were either obese and/or desperate (granted, so are a good portion of the men).

    All the girls I like didn't like me back (granted I think more than half of them were there for attention). All the girls that liked me went against my preferences (which I clearly stated in my profile, if I say my upper age limit is 21 don't be 27 and contacting me). It didn't help that some guys liked & messaged EVERY girl. A lot of the semi-decent women (not just in looks, but character as well) had their inboxes full, so you couldn't message them, and had so many likes and views you'd be lost in the sea of other bros.

    I won't use Tinder even though it's much more popular, since tinder is for hookups and I'm not looking for that. OKC was full of either really great but obviously only looking for attention women or women so desperate that they'll message you even though you're both only a 42% match and 54% enemy. POF was full of women who weighed nearly as much as I do (check my gag profile), hicks, and/or ghetto queens. Both had their fair share of entitled "Take me as I am, or not at all" and "Boyrfriend must be a, b, c and x, y, z" bitches.

    So overall it was fun for three days and the next month was annoying. I might try again next year but overall it sucked.

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  • Yes, it absolutely is becoming harder for guys. But it's likely also becoming harder for women.

    I think this might be attributed to the fear culture that we live in today. Everyone seems to be distrusting and fearful of everyone else - men and women.

    It's sad, but very true.

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    • Agreed, not to mention the time wasters on the dating sites who will talk to you for a week and then when you finally ask them out, they're like I'm hesitant towards meeting people In person of they'll say sorry I'm not looking to date. It's like ok, then why the fuck did you respond back to me in the first place. Not to sound entitled but it's a waste of both parties time and false hope.

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    • Yeah I've had it happen a lot too. Usually a girl will say she's average or "curvy" and have face shots only, pictures at angles, pictures over 3 years old and they end up being much fatter/borderline obese. I mean I think some thickness/girls with a little bit of belly can be sexy but when a girl has rolls, looks pregnant all the time, or a double chin then I'm turned off.

      I just don't get why people do it. You're not gonna be able to hide your features and people will either like what you have or they won't so no point in misleading. You never hear a person go well that girl/guy's pictures are great but in person they're not attractive.

    • It also puts you in a weird spot when girls use misleading pictures because they'll make you look like an asshole if you don't find their real appearance attractive. I mean I've gone on dates with girls that had nice faces but were a little overweight. Difference was I knew what I was getting into going in.

  • It's not becoming harder it's just always been that way.
    Personally I think a lot of the women in this country today would benefit from a cold wake up call. I can't believe the way some of them respond to me.
    One girl actually told me that she wasn't interested in talking, but she was "Kind enough to respond to me", which was "more than what most women would even do for me" on that site.
    They act like they are doing you a favor just by responding to you. What they gloss over is that they too are a dime a dozen. There are millions of them in this country alone. They are completely overvalued, especially given how little some of them bring to the table.
    It just sucks to be an honest man in this country.

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  • Don't do online dating man. It's just not good and a lot of the people there aren't serious. Also, a girl that is even slightly conventionally attractive in some way will be getting messaged a lot. So to have any chances, you have to be attracted to a very large spectrum of girls and message at least 10 girls a day (maybe even more) to have any decent chances.

    It's not all roses for girls either, because guys there are often looking just to get laid. This goes back to the idea that in general, guys have problems getting the first date, while girls have problems getting past the first few dates.

    Meet people in real life. Online dating is just not good. It can work, but it's not efficient, and the quality is questionable too.

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  • Was it ever easy? Girls hold all the cards, and they know it.

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    • There's a lot of truth in this statement.

    • And that is how the stud/slut double standard came to be. Not that I slut shame, but that is the reason it exists.

  • Oh hell yes! These days it's mostly guys looking for girls not the oposite. + The stereotype of the party girl are becoming SO common that it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE to date. Too many materialistic girls these days.

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  • Women are getting flakier and shorter attention spans.

    I have had some fun dates off okcupid, though. I remember when I was a teen, first online date... fairly cute girl, and we both had the same thing in mind, haha. Gave me a good first impression!

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  • A year is not a significant time frame.

    Online dating is the best thing for getting women into bed since some ancient Egyptian dropped some yeast into wet barley. (that'd be beer for the slow to pick up).

    You have to know which site to go. I know a handful that have more women than men, and the choices are excellent. I could go fishing today and be in bed with a very pretty girl half my age by the end of the week.

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  • A female friend of mine recently showed me her POF account. She got 112 messages, in A DAY !

    I personally like Tinder better. At least you have a few things to say when you meet the girl in person.

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    • It's a vicious cycle. A man knows that a woman receives more than enough attention online. She doesn't have to message anyone. But a man has to be in it to win it so he must message her if he wants to be noticed. So there's a growing number of men messaging girls and girls having to hold their walls up even higher.

    • My advice would be to use Tinder again. And see where it goes.

    • I'd love to, but it's pretty difficult where I'm at if you're not caucasian. No joke!

  • I agree with what a lot of people have written.. It's just hard to hit it off right off that bat.. everyone has their own exceptions.. you may be looking for love , whereas the girl may be looking for attention.. You may also be looking for the "perfect" girl.. and that's not easy to find.. I find it a hit or miss.. I've had much more success being linked up with a girl through friends or meeting girls in person.

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  • ITS Always harder.

    I did an experiment made a fake account as a Caucasian girl. Next thing you knew I got about 50 guys messaging me.

    So if they are ignoring you don't take it personal.

    If a girl is getting that much attention she is less likely to PM a guy first.

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  • Compare the amount of messages men get vs women on a regular basis and you'll see how much easy it is for a woman to pick and choose a guy to go on a date with.

    Men can message thousands of women and only get like one or 2 messages back if lucky.

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    • I think the dry spell think applies to online dating too. It's like when no ones interested, no one is for awhile. When one is interested, so are many others.

  • Lol, i dont know if its getting harder, i just think its tough for everyone except the most attractive girls and guys. Its hard to build chemistry without being face to face. But maybe you have justhad bad luck lately, keep trying and good luck.

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  • Go for PAID SITES, But i doubt there're SCAMS everywhere

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  • I met a girl on OkCupid couple weeks ago and its been great so far. :)

    She's not perfect but who is really.

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    • There's no perfect person but however the girl should be somewhat attractive and have a few things in common. You can't be at one extreme while having nothing in the other field which I've had happen a bunch of times. It's like the girl will either be very attractive but nothing in common/nothing to add to the conversation which makes talking awkward. Then you got ones who have a lot in common/can carry a conversation but aren't attractive at all (misleading pictures) which makes it awkward if you kiss/have sex.

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    • @bloodmountain1990 I get what you're saying. She's chubby wheresas I'm average leaning to fit but I love her personality and how we get along... Though i'm not dating her because she's "the one" or I expect to be with her forever, I just like her and it's better to be with someone than alone. by the way she's a great kisser ;)

    • @bloodmountain1990 She's got a cute face as well, which to me is more important than body type

  • Lol #thirsty males

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  • one thing you have to realize, online dating has a ratio of 1 girl to around 100 or more guys. if your not the most amazing guy that girl is talking to out of that 100 or more your out of luck. try somewhere smaller and you'll do better.

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  • Yes in the past years it was easier

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  • Online dating has always been a waste of time for guys unless you are at the top 5% of good looking men, women hold all the power in that field. If you're one of the 'lesser' desired races like Asians, you might as well give up on there.

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  • For me it's hard in the sense of actually finding a long term relationship. I've met 30+ women over the years of using it and still never got into a relationship. Usually it's either the ones interested in me, I don't like back and vice versa. It's like they'll be very physically attractive but has nothing in common/doesn't add anything to the conversation or well have things in common and I won't be attracted to them when I meet them in person due to misleading pictures.

    Then I've had ones where they're very attractive, have a lot in common, and our conversations go well and it ends quicker than the others.

    I wish I had more opportunities to meet women in real life other than bars.

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