How to get this woman who recently dumped her boyfriend?

The woman dumped her boyfriend after two years for doing drugs secretly behind her back and lying to her about it. This resulted in him totaling her car.

So she isn't looking to date but weve been out for drinks once. We also drove an hour away for lunch and went nature hiking at the botanical gardens.

She seemed happy. Even mentioned her ex would have never done anything that interested her.

She mentioned a concert she liked. So i got tickets to it and told her. Well this scared her off. Got her to tell me this.

Then i fractured my knee. Needed money. Had to sell tickets due to that and the fact she ignored me since i bought them and scared her. Too much to fast.

So im selling them to her for 210$ paid 288$.
Told her to enjoy them and have fun.

She is coming to pick them up Wednesday. How do i recover from this on Wednesday. Might be tough but im up to the challenge.

Lets hear your ideas.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can see how she got scared, it did seem like too much, too soon.

    I'd recommend asking her for a couple of minutes to talk when she picks them up. Try to have a casual mindset and don't act too appologetic. Just tell her that you didn't mean to intrude, but since she likes the band and you do too, you just went and bought them, without thinking how it might come across. That you have realized, that you should have asked her first if she wanted to go and most of all, for her to pay for her own ticket.
    Tell her you simply like her company and tought it could be a fun thing to do. nothing more, nothing less.
    That you understand that she is not looking to date anyone romantically any time soon and that you are OK with that.
    That you did that out of a feeling of friendship.
    Tell her that you would hate for this misunderstanding to come between you and that she could hopefully let this one slide and you will leave it up to her if she wants to keep in contact or not.
    ------

    I know this isn't necessarily true, because you DO like this woman but if you really want to be friends with her you will have to put those feelings aside and try to be a friend.
    You also need to keep dating other women, romantically, Because if you don't you will fall in love with her and stay in the friend zone forever. Have options so you don't focus all of your energy on her.

    She now needs time to work out her emotions over the break up. Some people need more time than others, but as of now, there is no certain timeframe.

    BTW: the ticket price you are asking for is fair. Don't offer to go lower. If she happens to offer full price, accept it.

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    • "Don't act too apologetic." You should read your dialogue suggestions again. If that doesn't come off as too apologetic then I don't know what would. Out of these ten lines maybe use 3, and be done with it.

    • @TheGeorge with not too apologetic I mean that he should just say this like he would say it to a male friend. If he makes too much of a deal of it, he will come across as desperate and apologetic. All of this he can say in 2 minutes and it is not too much. People need to stop acting all cool and distant. He fucked up, he has to make her see that he realized that but he is not begging for her forgiveness.

Most Helpful Guy

  • By taking your time to talk to her everyday. Be diligent about that for a good month, and you should be in.

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    • What should i do when she comes to pickup tickets. Is it fair that im getting 210$ for tickets i paid 288$ for or should i take less money than that from her...

    • Make the transaction as painless as possible. Be a gentleman, and exchange some small talk while you're swapping $ for tickets. If you want to plant a seed, you can toss in a "let me know how it goes!".

      Attempting to pull some trick outta your hat to woo the fear out of her, will make matters worse.

      The more you do, the more chance you'll dig yourself deeper into the hole. Do less. Keep it brief.

What Girls Said 11

  • "Don't put all of your eggs in one basket" .
    I know you like this girl. But you have to keep your options open.
    There is a very huge possibly that even if you go above and beyond for her, she may friend zone you because she's not ready to make that step.
    She just out of a long term relationship .
    Her energy is probably sucked out of her.
    she needs time to get over that break up and work on herself.

    Be there for her.
    Continue to show you like her.
    But at the same time, be practical and don't allow her to be your only option.
    Because if you do, and she continues to say she is not ready you will have seen that you have wasted time.
    You don't want that.

    "How do I recover from this on Wednesday"
    Keep the tickets price as is.
    Wish her well.
    Talk to her later and ask her how the concert was.
    Play it cool
    You don't want to come off as desperate.
    Allow her to contact you at times.

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  • Yes, I think it was too much too soon. Even if it was meant as just something fun to do, it was probably too close to a date for her. If she's just broken up with someone else she still needs time to heal. It doesn't matter how happy she appears to be on the outside, there are probably lots of mixed feelings she's experiencing below the surface.

    I have recently broke up with someone who wasn't the healthiest and there's a guy that really likes me, the only difference is he's trying to give me the space I need and just trying to be a good friend to me. Like me, she's probably feeling relieved that this toxic relationship is over, but it doesn't mean that all the feelings have gone away and she's ready to move forward.

    If you care for her and want to have something more with her, then just be patient for her and WAIT. You can't force it, and it doesn't hurt to show her that your not just looking out for your own interest. You can apologize to her, if buying tickets for a concert was too forward and that you only thought she would enjoy it. Then give her some space unless she approaches you. You can always ask her to meet up at the bar with friends or anything else that can't be mistaken for a date.. Good Luck and Hope this helps :)

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  • Everyone changes at least little bit when they enter into a long term committed relationship, because sacrifices have to be made. Right now, she's still in habit to be who she was while she was with him. Why not give her time to figure out who "she" is again? You may come to find that you don't even like her as much, and she won't be comparing you to him in the back of her mind. Right now she's still trying to figure out why they didn't work, how she child have wasted so much of her life in him, and how she could have made things go differently. Sorry to say, but if you're not her last priority set the moment, then she probably doesn't even know how she really feels, and you're just a rebound.

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  • Your First mistake here, dear, is just because she has told she 'Mentioned concert she liked,' you went ahead and took a lot for granted by taking it upon yourself to jump the Girl gun And... I got tickets to it.
    She grew cold duck feet because with you going ahead behind her back, she may have gotten the wrong impression that you two were becoming two birds of a feather, it pushed things more forward and away went the baby steps.
    This now has put a sour ball and alll in each of your mouths and with This... things now have gone south.
    You not only 'Fractured my knee,' but you probably put a monkey wrench in this newbie relationship.
    You say she is going to buy them for a song, so when you see her, perhaps you could give it another shot, although maybe one in the dark, by talking things out.
    Good luck and feel better soon. xx

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  • You give her TIME like she said. You can't jump after this girl after she broke up with her boyfriend for two years.

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  • You give her the tickets and that's that. She's not ready for another relationship and this shouldn't be news to you. There's nothing to recover from, there's nothing you can do. Be nice to her but give her space. You shouldn't try to force someone to like you or want to be with you when they're clearly not ready. Going from one relationship to another is not healthy,

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  • She wasn't looking to date yet she went out with you a few times.. how did u you manage to get her to that? I say congrats. Continue doing what you're doing. It will be hit or miss but I believe with patience you can win her over.

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    • I was persistent. I asked her to do stuff spur if the moment and she bit. I just told her i was curious about her.

    • Well it's working. Stay creative about it and you be interesting to her. good job!

  • Your smartest move would be to be her friend for now. But also don't put yourself entirely in the friend zone. Flirt a little, make it known you think she's attractive - but not yet.
    Be there.

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  • Listen: she isn't ready for anything beyond friendship right now. Cool your jets. Get to know her platonically for a little while.

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  • She doesn't want to date right now, can you respect that?

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  • Maybe give her the tickets for free and tell her you just want to see her be happy?

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What Guys Said 10

  • #1) You should never spend that much money on a woman who isn't your girlfriend. Spending that much on her lets her know you're desperate to impress her and gives off the appearance you're trying to buy her affection. A man should pay for the dates, but unless you're both pull in 100k+ a year, then spending that much money reeks of desperation. I make ~70k a year and my first dates I spend around ~$50. Impress a woman with you charm, wit, and personality, not your wallet.

    #2) You can't force a woman to like you. If a woman isn't interested let her know where you stand and leave the ball in her court. If I ask out a woman and she says know I respond with something like "well here's my number, if you change your mind give me a call. I'm curious to see if you're as fun as you are cute". Then I forget about her. If a woman isn't interest in you to start with, your chances are pretty low, but if you keep chasing her your chances will be zero.

    Also, if possible, I would sell them to someone else, not her.

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    • $50? m on a date? Smh, if that's cheap I need to go over my allowance.
      by the way I don't care how much a guy makes I'm paying for my own stuff. What girl let's a guy pay for her stuff?

  • ouch. that sucks. i'd put it this way:

    look, sorry that i scared you off. i knew you like (insert performer/band) and i do too and though honestly thought you'd be interested. i do kinda like you, i admit (idk how ballsy you are), [but] i really wanted you to go with me because i honestly thought we'd have fun going. anyways, i really want to apologize for what happened and hope that you'll forgive me. anyways, have fun and would actually like to hear from you how the concert went.

    whether you actually like said performer or band, I don't know, but if you don't i'd suggest brushing up on him/her/them/it :/. that should at least cover some bases and damage control. but bruh, don't go all out on a girl like that when she just broke up from that kind of relationship. I don't know the timeline, but it's about timing for her. good luck dude.

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  • This is classic refusing to see because you don't like something.

    She's telling you what kind of guys she's into by mentioning her ex. She's into drug dealers/bad boys and you're treating her like a princess. Some girls like to be reckless others like to be safe. So, either attract her more by showing off your reckless side or move onto a girl who's ready for what you're willing to provide.

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  • Don't go after someone who just got out of a relationship, no matter how much you like them. They need time to heal before they are ready to date.

    It sounds like she was in a rough relationship too so that makes it worse as in being more likely to be rebounded if you dated her now.

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  • Could be worse, she could go to the concert with you and then you never hear from her, so at least you got most your money back.

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  • Tell her you didn't mean to push yourself on her but really enjoyed your time together and would love to again. Tell her if she'd like to hang out again casually then to let you know. And to add you think she's a great girl.

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  • Be honest. "Hey, I'm sorry for going so fast. [insert small talk] You want to get some lunch together sometime?"

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  • Wait 6 months , just be friends she will flirt if she likes u

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  • She doesn't want you to be her rebound

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  • Men who want to get into relationships are like blind men going to the noose.

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