I'm really confused about what he wants?

He used to message all the time and want to hang out with me but now he barely messages me at all and doesn't chase me at all.
We sleep in the same bed pretty much every night as a given.
He is my close friend as well as whatever he is.
He also knows that he has me wrapped around his little finger and that i won't say no which i hate.
I'm afraid to not do what he wants because i might lose him, but i also don't do anything i dont WANT to do.
He also talks about other girls. I don't mind if he finds them attractive but when he talks about them realistically it hurts my feelings. I don't know if he messages other girls.
He said he liked me once but it's been weird since then.
Sexually we are pretty great.
I'm just really confused at what he wants...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a tough situation... I know you like him a lot and don't want to lose him, but you can't let things continue as they are now; it's not healthy for your mental state (unless you're genuinely fine with being just a f-buddy). It's not healthy for him to have ALL the control.

    Try to have a serious conversation about it with him. Tell him you feel like things are getting weird between you guys -- that you're confused about what's going on. Tell him what you're looking for (e. g. something stable, something "real," etc). If he feels like he's on the brink of losing you, then he'll either step up and apologize and try to change because he doesn't want to lose whatever he has going on with you, or he may tell you things you don't want to hear... But either way, you'll have clarity. Even if you're afraid of the answer, ask him what he wants out of "this."

    By having a backbone and saying what's on your mind, you take some of that control back.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 6

  • How are you confused about what he wants? Re-read what you've written.

    He wants what he's getting - sex whenever he likes, the option to talk to other girls, a cosy warm bed to snuggle in, the option to talk to other girls, a girl wrapped around his little finger, the option to talk to other girls, he's done the hard work & achieved what he wants without giving you any label or indication of your status together.

    You fell into the trap of "Well he's with me most nights so..." without him actually giving you anything verbal to go off. Continue to play this game and end up even more confused.

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  • Friends with benefits, @Pinkicedkks and with that being Said... What do you want now?
    Good luck. xx

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  • I think he just sees you as a friend don't give him the power, of controlling you.

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  • He want SEX, he is trying to make you giving up, talking about girls is a way that guys use to see how you'll react

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  • If you respect yourself simply leave that asshole, it might be hard for you to do it, but please respect yourself because no one can care about you better than your own self. and he clearly doesn't care about you. from what you said above im sure others will agree that you are not worth his time.

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  • Hun as much as you may not want to lose him, he obviously isn't treating you right. I think you need to confront him. Do it calmly and make it clear you aren't trying to start an argument, but make it clear where you stand and ask him to do the same. Sex is great, but it's soooo much more than something biological. Sleeping with someone creates incredibly strong emotional ties, so you both need to decide if this is going anywhere or not. If he's just sleeping with you but doesn't want a relationship then he's using you, and you need to cut and run! Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt, and it's no doubt difficult advice to follow but it's the best I can give! Hope it turns out well, God bless xx

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