Can the chemistry between two people grow?

If the chemistry isn't natural from the first blind date... can it grow? Is good chemistry from just getting to know people? What is good chemistry? Can you date without it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think so. It doesn't necessarily need to come from the first date. It comes more from getting to know each other.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, it can grow and come out any time. Sometimes all it needs is time and/or the right situation to come up that brings the two together in that way. I don't know if I would have the patience to give it a chance to grow if there wasn't some degree of spark or something special there.

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    • Sometimes the chemistry is amazing with this guy I am seeing, but other times I feel like we really struggle to connect... or at least I do. I touch his arm, chest, face.. he sometimes doesn't even look at me. I talk and ask questions and he just nods. Then other times he is SUPER chatty and upbeat. It's so random though and I don't know what makes him peppy or not.

What Guys Said 12

  • Yes, i believe it can take time for the chemistry to happen between 2 people in a relationship It can be described in the terms of mutual feelings a connection, a bond or common feeling between two people", or as a chemical process it stimulates love or sexual attraction... brain chemicals are definitely involved.

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    • yeah we very much feel sexually attracted to one another, but I don't feel emotionally bonded to him. I want to, but it is very hard. I talk and he doesn't reply... I talk and he doesn't contribute, I joke and he doesn't laugh w/ me. It feels very alone. Maybe we don't know each other well enough to know what the other needs?

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    • don't want to waste either parties time. he would be super devastated. he's already told me he thinks he wants to marry me.

    • Well i wish you well on this one :D

  • Timing is a big thing when you are dating. Sometimes someone you like might still have someone on their mind, or not be ready for a commitment.

    To me chemistry is a matter of the feeling of having common interest and how you feel yourself physically drawn to someone.

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    • Yeah, you sound like the guy I am dating! We have everything in common and he tells me he loves me and that I am the hottest girl he has ever dated. He tells me I'm beautiful... he really really loves me... but me to him? I'm struggling. He listens to my stories, but never shares an opinion. It's like he doesn't care to hear... I don't know if that's true. We don't laugh at the same things. I feel kind of alone when I am with him. I can tell him anything, I can be myself, I feel loved in the sense that he dotes upon me and gives me anything... but emotionally he doesn't give me 100%. He doesn't pick up on my moods. He can't tell when I'm kidding or when I'm really upset. Feels problematic. We're in for a chat :/

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    • Then he is lucky ;). All the best of luck !

    • he's so good to me and we are very very compatible... but if we can't connect emotionally it'll never last :/

  • Sometimes it can and to a great extent at that, but usually not if there's none at all at the beginning.

    I've heard stories where people went from "eh" to like teenagers making out all the time.

    So definitely possible.

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    • yeah, I don't quite know where we're at anymore. sometimes it's great and sometimes it's eh

  • Good chemistry is how two people get along... have they got similar interests and can they "play well together". It is pretty much the "friend qualities" in a relationship.

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    • we do all of those things... it's just that he doesn't get me emotionally yet. sometimes when I speak he just nods... but never has any input

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    • It's so weird! The guy I am dating seems to be super chatty at times and then others it's like talking to a brick wall. He says he really loves me and loves being around me... but I feel like my connection to him isn't very strong. He feels emotionally connected to me, but I don't to him so much... sometimes yes, sometimes no.

    • I think you will find that it is difficult to have a guys attention 100% of the time. Not to say he is not out there, it is just really difficult to find in either a guy or a girl.

      Best thing is don't just lay down... if you don't think he is absolutely interested then move on to someone that truly is!

  • guys dont look for chemistry, what i understand from my limited knowledge is what a girls says chemistry is essentially sexual vibe or tension mixed with attraction.

    people sometimes find hard to open up completely, its not bad to say your expectations to him

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  • I mean it's possible but you can't force it.

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  • Depends if you water it daily and it receives ample sunlight.

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  • I dont know about our chemistry but our physics may grow if you want... :D

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  • I think it's possible for chemistry to grow.

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  • It can; however, I notice that a lot of women don't let that happen. If they don't feel a connection within the first 5 minutes of a date, there won't be a 2nd date.

    I am not trying to be sexist, I am just looking at this from a male perspective since this has happened to me many times.

    That is why I think people should go out on more than 1 date before making decisions.. Because in my opinion, the first date isn't always the best date... it can be, but a lot of the time the guy is too nervous or the girl is too nervous.

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  • in time it can but not always

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  • I'm not going to answer your question, rather I'm going to tackle what you've raised in your comments.

    "He listens to my stories, but never shares an opinion. It's like he doesn't care to hear."

    From what you say, he's really into you, and likely wants to communicate well with you. The issue may not be that he's 'not listening' but that you aren't getting what you want from the conversations.

    I suspect what he's doing is actually learned (though maybe not).

    Most guys, when a girl tells them stories, offer solutions to problems. This makes a lot of women mad, it makes them feel like he doesn't care to hear about her feelings and just wants to 'fix' her so he doesn't have to hear about it. (It's generally meant as the opposite - guys want to help fix because they care, and guys give advice to each other rather then simply doing things partly as a way of demonstrating confidence).

    Anyway... he's not reacting the way you'd like, but he may not know what it is you'd like him to do. I can guess, but I might be wrong.

    But I'd suggest directly telling him what you're looking for emotionally when you share stories with him. If he's as into you as he says, he will want to not just 'do what was asked', but will be happy to be able to emotionally support you once he knows how to do it!

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    • Yes!!! This is exactly how it feels.

What Girls Said 15

  • You must have chemistry to have a fulfilled, successful relationship. It doesn't always happen on the first date, though. First dates can be awkward, both people putting their best foot forward and being a little tense. If by the second or third date you don't feel the "click," it probably isn't there. Chemistry is different than attraction. Attraction can grow over time. Chemistry is that click in your brain that says you will be a great match.

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    • Hm. Yeah. I don't know. We've been dating 2 months now and sometimes we really click and sometimes we are off. We have all the same values, similar personalities, we love the same activities... but sitting down and having a conversation can be hard. It's not hard in the fact that sharing is hard, but it's hard b/c I don't get the response I need/want/expect. If we had that aspect I'd pretty much marry the guy.

  • I went through this myself, I met this guy on tinder. We talked for awhile a d I thought he was sweet but when we met in person it just felt like 2 friends talking and I didn't have that romantic feeling that I thought I should, a few more dates and I just wasn't getting that spark I wanted and I hated it because I liked him a lot, I hadn't felt that way about anyone in awhile, so we date for a few months and then one day something happened, we were just sitting there watching tv, talking and lauging and I fell asleep in his arms the way that he made me feel so safe and wanted, I woke up to him kissing my forehead that seemed to reach my soul lol, sometimes it just takes a little time, timing is everything, if its going to happen, it will happen when its supposed to :) :) :)

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  • Absolutely. How do you think friendships buds? Over time.. lol. Yes, a spark on the first date might not be there, but something should evolve over the next few dates.

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    • Yeah, I feel a spark sometimes. Physically, absolutely. He gives me anything. He calls me beautiful all the time, tells me he wants to marry me one day. Wholy moly. I think he's a great person... but he doesn't pick up on my moods. He doesn't know when I am kidding and when I am serious. He doesn't laugh at my jokes. When we talk... sometimes it's like talking to a wall... it's like he's actively listening but never contributes insight.

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    • Now I wonder if he's doing it on purpose... as if he doesn't care until he sees that you're truly upset...

    • Hm. I don't know. I don't think so? He is rather absent minded. I'm not sure. I'm really not. I think he cares on his own time sometimes, but I don't even know if that's really true. What would it mean if he only cares when I really get upset? That seems bad! Either way, he and I are in for a chat. He's on a business trip and I didn't want to do it before he left. There are some things he may just not get and I want a chance to say them... but if I say them and he does nothing? Bigger problems at hand.

  • Yes. The first date is never a good indication because people get nervous.

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    • what about several dates? a couple months?

    • You need to decide that for yourself. After several dates or months, you've spend enough time with this person to know if it can go anywhere or not.

  • I disliked my current boyfriend at one point. Chemistry definitely grew

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  • Yeah, of course it can grow. Good chemistry is when there are a lot of things in common and strong mutual attraction.

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  • It can build over time. The more time you spend in different times or circumstance is something else you may like about them.

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  • It's possible but I still say no.

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  • Yes it can!

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    • I read what you wrote to some other people, if you don't connect emotionally I don't know if the relationship can last. The emotional aspect is what creates the chrnistry/ the bond to bloom I think. Physical sex can only get you so far.

  • It depends. But mostly I think that it can't

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  • Yes for there is a small connection

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  • Yes I think it can grow sometimes there is some interest and it grows but sometimes there is just no attraction

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  • Yes it totally can. Just talking and vibing

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  • It's certainly possible, although I wouldn't force it if it's just not working out.

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    • yeah, what does forcing it look like though?

  • it can always grow.

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    • I found the perfect perfect guy for me.. we have amazing physical chemistry. after 2-3 months of dating I still get butterflies when I see him. I want to marry this guy. We have a ton in common... value wise and interest wise. We're SUPER similar personality wise and I feel extremely comfortable around him... but he still doesn't laugh at my jokes and sometimes when I talk and want his opinion he just listens. I have a ton of fun with him, but I want to feel understood. Maybe it's too early to feel totally understood, I don't know! He is amazing and I want everything to work out. Silence isn't awkward, I just want to be able to share more when we speak... banter a little... have some fun!

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