Guys, Men who have dated multiple women casually-do you ever regret or feel bad?

Guys, I'm curious... if you've dated multiple women casually and you let the one who caught feelings for you go to keep doing your thing with the others... do you ever regret it or feel bad for the girl or do you just forget her easily and/or replace her?

  • I do feel bad/regret it at times
    40% (12)
  • Not at all! She can easily be replaced
    60% (18)
And you are? I'm a GuyGirls can not vote on this poll

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22

Most Helpful Guy

  • Your entire premise is wrong - which is that the guy in question is somehow "responsible" or "owes" the girl anything.

    In such a situation, if you (a girl) decide to date a guy who is openly dating other women, and makes it clear that he's only looking for a casual relationship, then you are effectively agreeing (if not explicitly agreeing) that you are okay with a casual relationship. By definition, a casual relationship means that you have NO EXPECTATIONS that this relationship will "develop into something more serious in the future."

    When this hypothetical girl then develops feelings at some point, that is NOT the guys' fault or responsibility - the guy isn't the one who broke the agreement, the GIRL is, because the girl is now expecting the guy to want a more serious relationship, when he clearly, from the very beginning, only wanted casual.

    Yes, the girl who developed feelings is going to get hurt when the guy doesn't feel the same way, and doesn't drop his other girl (s) for her, but that is HER fault - if she isn't capable of having a casual relationship without developing feelings (thus, breaking the rules) and then further changing her expectations of him, then she has no business getting into a casual relationship in the first place. The fact that she made a poor choice is HER fault and HER responsibility, exclusively.

    The hypothetical guy was not the only guy in the world - the world is full of single men who would be happy to be monogamous and happy to be in a relationship. This girl CHOSE to be with a guy who was already dating multiple women, and only wanted a casual relationship. SHE is responsible for her choices, and for the consequences of those choices. She has no right to expect the guy, or the other girls, to take any responsibility for her feelings or actions, or change their own behaviors on her behalf.

    Essentially, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

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    • I agree with your point of view... but would you say that at least honesty is an expectation? As in, "I'm seeing other girls"?

    • Yes, *I* do. Not every guy feels he should have to OFFER this information, but if you asked him directly, most guys would tell you the truth (some will obviously lie, but this is why you should take a bit of time to get to know someone first, if this concerns you).

      I am dating two women right now. They've both known since the beginning, and they are now friends and talk and do things together without me on occasion. But honesty from Day 1 was essential to making that work.

What Guys Said 21

  • That's kind of a harsh dichotomy there. I'd feel bad if I REALLY hurt her. But people break up all the time and it's not always mutual. Everyone goes through it though, and you get over it.

    And you did say it was just a "casual" thing. If we never said it was serious, it was way too presumtuous to assume that it was. And if she couldn't take "no" for an answer and move on from something like that, then she's CRAZY and I'd just be glad to have escaped.

    Now, if it was like a serious long term relationship, then yeah, I'd feel really bad.

    Don't get the two mixed up.

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  • If it's casual, it's been established that there should be no feelings, so I don't regret what I did. I do feel bad for her cause I know that sucks, but it is what it is, staying longer with her will only make it worse, cause in the end, I'll have to leave cause I can't stay with a woman I don't have feelings for.

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  • For quite a few years, I was seeing several women at a time, but I'm tired of having more than two now because of the logistics. The best times are when I had two girlfriends who were bisexual, because we could all be together at the same time.

    Women are easy to replace, so as one fell off, I just picked up another. There is always another, give me three days from go and I can have another girlfriend. Although, I do know one city, where I only need four hours at most (no bars or "pickup joints", just random meeting)

    No regrets.

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  • What is there to regret? That's what dating is. You're not exclusive.

    I love your heavily loaded poll options, by the way.

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  • I just go with honesty. If she asks if I'm dating other people, I say yes. If she asks if I want to be exclusive with her and I'm not there yet, I tell her so. If she asks how I feel, I tell her. I've lost some dates over doing things this way, but I refuse to lead someone on if I can help it.

    So no, I don't feel bad. And it's not about "replacing" anyone, it's about spending my time with people that I enjoy.

    If I decide to become exclusive with someone, I don't date or see anyone else.

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  • It is IMPERATIVE to date multiple people at a time if you can (for both men and women). See myTake for more details as to why: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22231-scarcity-fundamental-setback-in-dating

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  • Only ever regretted one and that's because I had strong feelings for her too.
    But other than that I never have. I don't see it as easily being replaced, just moving on because she wants something that I don't and what we have now isn't working for her anymore. Doesn't make sense to get into a relationship I don't want or for her to stay in a relationship that isn't what she wants.

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    • The point of the story (and the movies made from it) is that ultimately the swinging male lead ends up rather pathetic and empty.

  • Let me explain this to you... most girls I dated casually, were dating other men casually. Exclusivity is an unicorn these days...

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    • So, you both were upfront and told each other you were seeing others, right?

    • Nah it was more of a non-spoken agreement. Nobody wants to know for sure that the person you are dating is seeing other people. Once you start to get sexually involved, this is where I would have the talk; not to necessary say: from now on we are fully monogamous, but more on the lines of: well if we are to have regular sex, I'd like to know with whom else you sleep for a matter of sex safety really. Ergo, if a girl that I see regularly tells me she had unprotected sex recently, for my own protection, I would kindly ask she gets tested. And vice versa if I was too, I would get tested too. Its the grown up way.

  • When i am single, i usually hang around several women casually. i never intimate I want to commit to them, only that I want a good time

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  • I am a shy guy so I don't date often, actually at all cause I'm too scared to ask out a girl I like lol, but yeah anyways I have friends that let "the one" go and deeply regret it. Some guys feel the regret soon and for some it takes a while to settle. If a guy hasn't dated in a while then it will have him thinking "damn that breakup was a mistake"

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  • Yeah you can. But if you are casual and she starts to catch feelings you wanna let her go before things get to serious. So you can still be friends and maybe start back up later on in life!

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  • Wow girls really do care about thos type of guys wow

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  • Not at all! She can be easily replaced. There's over 3.5 BILLION girls in the world.

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  • I regret monogamy!

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  • Never done it but I wouldn't feel bad, no doubt she's doing the same

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  • It's not the guys fault the girl fell for him. If he's honest about what he wants from the beginning then there's nothing he should feel bad about if she falls for him and then is heartbroken when they separate.

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  • Well, the only times I've dated multiple girls is before any of them have caught feeling (or at least communicated that to me) because until I know a girl is into me, I learned it makes sense to keep cultivating options.

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  • Women do this to me all the time, actually. Men are not entirely serial daters, women make men into serial daters, because we have to keep dating women over and over and over again because women cut men lose too quickly

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  • Can't answer that cause I'm the type who would keep want to keep her even though I have another.

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  • I have no problem with casual dating, but I'm only sexually intimate within the context of a committed relationship. That's just my preference.

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