Is it unreasonable of me to refuse to date a girl because she is a different race?

I am white, and there is this girl that really likes me who is Asian. I honestly think she is really hot, and she is a really nice person, but I just dont want to date her because she is Asian. Its not because I have anything against Asians, in fact I find Asian culture fascinating, but its because I have been turned off from interracial relationships for a while. In high school my best friend was half Asian half white, and he would always tell me of all the problems he had fitting in. When he went to Japan (where his mom was from) he was treated like a foreigner because he wasn't full Japanese, in the US he wasn't necessarily treated like a foreigner, but white, and black Americans (who made up 99 percent of our school) just didn't talk to him and he couldnt figure out why. They all treated him like an Asian because he looked more Asian then white, but he was half white and that really bothered him. Then of course girls didn't talk to him, and he would get really depressed reading online about how most girls say they dont like Asian men, which he could see because girls didn't talk to him. In Freshman year of college he killed himself and in his suicide note he said multiple times how he hated being a half breed and how he wished he was just a normal Asian or a normal white. It was really depressing and ever since then I have sworn not to date someone of another race because I dont want to put my kids through that identity crisis that I saw in my friend. I kind of like this girl but I just keep thinking about my friend and how he felt about being half Asian half white, and then I just think about my future kids and I can't get past it, I just dont really know, is this crazy of me to do, or is it justified?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Same here but for different reasons I only date within my race I live in Santa Ana full of Hispanic culture

    personally I do not think race should mix I do not like it when I look at a person and can not tell what they are . I do not hate mix people or dislike them I been interested in mixed guys

    what happen to your friend is awful internet lies and really sucks he believed lies and that he was in that school surrounded by that vibe. what happen to him doesn't mean will happen to other kids many people are mixed and still alive and are happy
    your friend let high school get to him

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    • keep in mind there are lots of mix children in America and high school is the worst years
      even if the child is not mix there is no guarantee she/ he will not kill themselves for feeling different
      it's not a race thing is a mentality or emotional thing

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    • But why does it even matter that much... like who cares what race you are

      I care about who you are as a person, it's just shallow and small minded... do you understand that or not? Who cares about race,... why do you care what your bfs race is

    • @TripleAce I understand that i think the same people who are materialistic and racist I dislike them.. I feel you are not understanding that I don't care my current boyfriend is a mix he is Filipino / Mexican I don't care about race

      have I ever dated a person who is not fully Hispanic , first person would be my current boyfriend which comes to a surprise to my family and people who know me because I feel more comfortable speaking Spanish and my boyfriend does not speak Spanish what so ever just English... I grew up surrounded by Latin culture so obviously my preference would be Latin men as you see there are exception when it comes to mix people just prefer latin men so i can have things in common with food or language background

Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow I'm sorry that happened to your friend. However, I've heard of many stories of Asians and Indians being successful both in and out of their country.

    I hate to be harsh and criticize him because I myself am sort of going through the same problem which I'm trying to fix, but maybe it was the insecurity that caused that to happen to him.

    I don't think that's a good reason to not date this girl. You'll only be feeding the problem, and besides, acceptance is only growing, so objectively it shouldn't even be nearly as bad when you do have a kid and when that kid goes off to college.

    Besides, I've heard that often half-Asian and half-white children are often very conventionally attractive, especially the girls.

    I think you should go for it man.

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What Girls Said 19

  • You can't take one person's experience and expect your child to go through the exact same problem as him. Look, you don't even know if you're even gonna marry this girl or have kids with her... Plus you don't even know what her parents are like, not all Asian parents are the same.
    Your kid could struggle in school for various reasons even if he was simply white as well. It's just reality, your kids will go through some kind of hardships eventually, it is inevitable.
    BUT, if you're seriously worried about this mic race issue for your child, I'm telling you, mix race is becoming very common. And mix race will be the FUTURE, so by the time your child reaches the age to go to school (assuming you'll have kids in maybe 5-10 years time), the world would be looking hella different from now. There is already a whole lot of Asians moving out of their countries (esp China), right now most stay in their "communities" but, as time goes on in sure they'll start mixing up.
    And lastly, schools in the future will be looking different when your child grows up compared to when you went to school, you may not have thought about it but it will. So don't limit your options like that, it's honestly so pointless.

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    • People aren't mixing that much. The vast majority of people still date, marry, and have children within their own racial group. This is from the most recent Census estimates. In 2060 the USA will be 43% white European, 29% Hispanic, 14% Black, 8% Asian and 6% mixed race.

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    • @iannz91 Yes, and White men apparently prefer everyone else to White women, so that's not working out so well for them. It's interesting that you picked out the White women in that group though. They're the 2nd least popular group, but the 2nd/3rd most picky.

    • @PonyCar As a white male I don't agree with it, as I prefer white women over other races.

  • You can't control what you like, if you don't feel comfortable dating her race then that's your personal choice completely but then again maybe giving her a chance and things could be different? Not sure but don't feel guilty whatever choice you make, you know what's best for you at the end of the day.

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    • It's not that he isn't objectively comfortable with the idea, but supposedly what happened to his friend who was half-Asian and half-white (read the OP's description) and he's worried about the same circumstances coming upon his prospective children.

  • "I just dont want to date her because she is Asian"
    "I have been turned off from interracial relationships for a while"
    "They all treated him like an Asian because he looked more Asian then white"
    "When he went to Japan (where his mom was from) he was treated like a foreigner because he wasn't full Japanese"

    It is really, REALLY important that you figure out why these statements go together. Not just for the sake of your relationship, but for the rest of your life and those in it.

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  • But its mindsets like yours that only perpetuate the problem.

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  • You're allowed to be attracted to whatever culture/race you are attracted to and prefer what you want without being unreasonable. But, you may miss out on someone or something wonderful. It's your choice. Also, don't assume that one person's experience is the norm... because not necessarily. Every culture/race has its own unique challenges and mixed race has its own, but it also has its perks and you will have a lot of impact on your future childrens' lives so you can bring a lot of good to them.

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  • It really depends. I'm sorry about your friend, though I personally haven't seen many of these similar cases, and so I think this may have been an outlier example..
    It also depends on the community - some are more diverse and accepting than others.
    However, if being with the girl means you have to be uncomfortable/anxious because of this, I don't think the relationship would be that great of an idea.

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  • Dating does not equal to marriage and kids.

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  • I think thats stupid that you'd stop yourself from dating someone because of they're race. Yeah your friend killing himself was sad but geesh you can't be so stupid to halt yourself from dating someone because of an incident. You can't just let a past incident determine your choices.

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  • That's your preference. It's okay to have preferences.

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  • Your choice :] If she's not your type, then she's not your type. Yup.

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  • You have a deep meaning behind your reason and that may be fair enough. But then again if you have mixed race kids it won't nessesarily be the same for them.

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  • You don't have to have babies with her

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  • I can understand where you are coming from. But what you are doing is taking a specific case and generalizing it which is wrong. Not everyone reacts the same way about mixed people nor do all mixed people feel messed up. I for once think it s an enriching experience. I love multicultural people they are usually really smart since they have to adapt to different situations. Anw gd lck with it, i hope you ll take a chance if you like the girl.

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  • If you like her, go for it.

    I've had the same conflict before but I gave it a shot, because I really liked the guy. He told me no one in his family had ever dated outside their race. Sadly, I was just an experiment for him, we didn't last because I wouldn't sleep with him right away.

    Times are changing & the races are mixing. If your relationship does progress & a child is born, just relocate to somewhere more diverse & progressive.

    Sorry about your friend, that's such a sad situation.

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  • It sucks to be you, her and him. I'll raise strong children independent of the masses.

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  • You can decline to date anyone you want, it's your choice and you have EVERY right to do so. I just think it's ignorant as hell cause there will always be interracial relationships and mixed kids. His experience isn't all mixed kids' experience and doesn't mean your kids will be treated like he was. People who aren't mixed experience problems daily, like blacks who are racists against whites and vice versa. If you're not apart of the solution then you're apart of the problem. People need to look at the bigger picture and stop trying to divide everyone, we're all one race... the human race. Going forward this planet is going to be so mixed up no one is going to even care.

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  • I'm. A half italian half korean girl and I fit in fine I take pride in my mixed heritage and you should go for it honesty mixed Asian and European people's are so underrated for looks and everything

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  • A white man that does not want a Asian woman? Well that's a first

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    • I'm a white man and I don't find Asian women attractive. It's a gross stereotype.

    • @iannz91 well I see a lot of white men in real life going after Asian women

  • its your right to refuse anyone for any reason.

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What Guys Said 22

  • Well I can understand why you wouldn't want to do it and it certainly is a valid thing to be concerned about so with that rationale I would say that you are being a reasonable person.. That being said, my girlfriend is Japanese and I am white. Where I live mixed race couples are common and I know several mixed race people that are well adjusted and very dynamic people. I'd suggest to you that because of your awareness and sensitivity this is not actually a problem for you. You aren't getting married, you are going out on a date, but I certainly see and understand your rationale.

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  • It's not justified, not one bit! Your friend had problems and resulted in him taking his own life. Now, your using someone else's action as an excuse to not date a girl just because she's Asian... OH just like your friend who just so happened to kill himself? I think you have to find a factual reason as to not date her and not one that is based on a bias, let alone in an event that wasn't even your choice.

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  • Half Asian half white people are pretty popular these days. It might not be a good idea to let them grow up in a countryside environment, but in big cities it is totally cool to be half Asian these days. I'm sure your friend would have had a different experience if he was born today and while this is tragic, I think you should not let it influence your life so much. The only reason why I would not date a particular woman from a different race is communication issues. If neither of you can speak each other's language and you had to communicate via a 3rd language, that would be a huge issue for me. But other than not, you like her. Don't let the past drag you down.

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  • No, but you're somewhat limiting your market here when it comes to dating. Everyone has a preference dude.

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  • Well the only way to destroy that prejudice is to CHALLENGE it head on. If you reject this girl for these reasons it shows you're comfortable with the status quo. If you don't like that about society then it needs to be more common to encourage people to change.
    I'd so go for it but in the end it's up to you.

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  • I think it's completely ok. I don't date black women, and I always tend to date Hispanics and Latina. Does that make me racist? No, it's what I'm attracted to.

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  • Asian women are the easiest to get into bed, despite popular opinion.

    Asian-white kids are among the best looking in the world. Of the 5 perfect 10's I have ever met (I am a very tough grader), 4 of them were Eurasians. That includes an actress, a model, a family physician and a surgeon. The 2013 Miss World was Eurasian Megan Young.

    There are countries in the world where daughters are pushed to marry a white guy so they can "have beautiful children".

    Your friend didn't commit suicide because he is Eurasian, he committed suicide because he was mentally ill.

    I personally know maybe 150 Asian-white couples and most of them have kids and many of those kids are superstars.

    There is nothing wrong with having a preference for certain characteristics. It sounds like your rationale, though, is irrational.

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  • If you don't want to date outside your race, who has the right to tell you you can't decide based on genetics/race that you must date some other group?

    Who died and made them president of the galaxy?

    4.bp.blogspot.com/.../zaphod+beeblebrox.jpg

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  • If you are abandoning the chance of a relationship with a nice girl that you like because of her race, then you are insane.

    First - Asian women are awesome, and make great girlfriends/wives.
    Second, Japan is a pretty closed society, and non-pure Japanese do have trouble fitting in. Same for Chaina, Korea etc.

    However, if you live in America, Europe or Latin America, no one cares. My wife is Asian, my kids are half-Asian, and there has never been a moment where any of them have felt the slightest bit uncomfortable.

    The only problem is that Asians in the U. S. are at a disadvantage for getting into college. I plan to advise my kids to lie there.

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  • Preferences are fine

    But when preferences are based on race its wrong. It can be argued it falls under the definition if rasicm as you are putting other races above hers, which in turn makes her inferior to another race

    Something she can't control

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  • If you reject this girl based on those reasons, then you just become a part of the problem. It's your choice, though.

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  • We all have problems, being half is just one of those. Whether or not people don't talk to you, they don't make you into who you want to be unless you let them. My closest friend is half white, half Asian and he has many friends. I also have another have another half white, half japanese and he's doing just fine.

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  • Ehhh it happens. It's not unreasonable, although not the best reason to reject someone. You have your own standards so don't feel bad about it.

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  • That's crazy. Look. He would have killed himself anyway and being half-white is awesome. You don't have to marry and have children with the Asian girl but at least try and get with her physically.

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  • What the fuck is wrong with you, I don't have a problem with people who say they don't want to date other races because they don't find them attractive, but you even say she's hot. What. The. Actual. Fuck?

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  • Remember Elliot Rodger? yeah...

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  • your Caucasian so its okay...

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  • Identity issues are part of the game when you are mixed race. It really sucks, I wish I was 100% white.

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  • Date her. You like her, you find it hot.

    If you have kids? Yeah, you're right to think about how to make it easier for them. And I'll tell you the answer is not to avoid someone you love, it's to frigging move somewhere where half-asian isn't that uncommon.

    I know soooo many half Asian kids. Deal with that when the time comes.

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  • Your instincts are correct, it's better not to date interracially and have mixed kids. These kids have a lot of issues fitting in and finding a stable identity. Look at Obama. The guy was raised by a family of white people, but he went through a bunch of turmoil and drug abuse as a young person because he identified as black. He felt torn between two cultures, but ultimately rejected the culture that raised him and embraced what he wasn't. I wouldn't want my kids to have that guy's issues for anything in the world.

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  • I dated an indian girl, she broke up because of her father Make sure her family allows her to date. That really hurt me...
    If she is a second generation immigrant your kids will probably have less of an identity crisis.

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  • Your friend in all respect probably wasn't attractive, because studies show mixed people are more attractive than full bloods, in the eyes of full bloods. If a girl is sexy, she can be blue they still will wanna be her friend. He had a enemy within im 5 different races. there's nothing wrong with it, it makes you unique, plus personality plays a huge role, your friend was wrong, all that stuff that he felt came from within.

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