Do you ever stop and ask yourself what you are bringing to a relationship?

It is important to have standards to do you ever stop and compare what you are bringing to a relationship with that of which you expect your partner to bring? I feel most people don't.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have often thought about this, and even though I have been married to the same woman now for the past 8 years, I have no illusions about what I bring to the relationship. I feel that a large part of my function in our relationship is closely linked to my personality and behaviors. I am a big stabilizer in our relationship, in that when my wife is raging I remain calm and stable, she knows that even though it might seem as if I don't care about anything, the fact of the matter is I care about a great deal, I just don't always react violently to a given situation (she does that enough for both of us). So when she is doing having her fit or outburst or whatever the case might be, I remain by in large very stable and predictable. Is this easy for me? No, it causes me a good deal of stress and wear, however I endure and carry on. She knows I am always her "safe port" in her storm. Additionally I also offer caring comfort for her afterwords, again this is not always easy for me, but I still do it, and while she doesn't always acknowledge it, she does from time to time note how well we work together and how lucky she is to have me as a stabilizer. :-)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I attempt to meet the standards I expect out of my partner.

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What Guys Said 23

  • ALWAYS and at every point of time I know and work towards what I bring to a relationship while keeping my partner advised on various aspects. My expectation is only one 'complete compatibility' which is actually asking for a lot lol

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  • I remain genuine. I never feel as if I bring more or less to the relationship. I don't get into a relationship for gain, I get involved because she has made me want to be a better man and with her I feel as if I am one. The only gain I get is her, x

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  • Most people don't, but they should. After a disaster of a marriage and a messy divorceld b, a friend kindly handed me a list of things people seek in a romantic partner. There were about 20 things on the list, and of course you can't find one person who has all those qualities. But it made me focus on what was important to me: intellectual compatibility, companionship, presentability, sexual compatibility, and an even temper. You should make a similar list and it shouldn't be much longer than mine.

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  • I do that constantly. I actually kind of have a phobia of not being enough. So, yeah. I'm always wondering if I'm doing my part.

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    • Same here for me too

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    • Yup, your not alone I want them there cause I like them but I'm scared about getting hurt or doing something wrong. So I can teeter back and forth

    • @AmberDawnxo Exactly. It's like I crave closeness, but opening up is physically painful.

  • I'm all about equal relationships. People may bring something different to the relationship but people should think about it being somewhat equal so there's no resentment.

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  • I've been told I bring kindness and respect. There is probably always something that each of us does not bring that we could, but it is not simple. we are creatures of habit.

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  • I do. All of the time. One of my biggest pet peeves is a hypocrite, and I think it would be ridiculous if I didn't consider at least being able to offer what I expect from other people. Ultimately I expect less of women than I do for myself, and they still manage to fail to reciprocate even the slightest

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  • Nah. I never did. good question.

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    • This is why you wear suits and obsess over water marks on your professional business cards.

    • @Roostah hahaha not quite mate. I'm military. Trust me, I am an adaptable dude ;)

  • I bring honesty and respect, and expect the same of my partner.

    If she can't bring those, then it's over. For the rest, I'm just going to be me.

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    • That's a good answer. Just some people have these lists but they do t check themselves against it. Personally lost people suck because I do t want to build a life with someone who is going to dump me if I put on 10 lbs baby weight or lose my job. I don't hold my partner to that. I make sure I would love them in the worst situation. But yeah I make sure I'm treating them well and being the best me because if I'm not we don't belon together.

  • I worry I'm not bringing enough to my current one.

    I brought *everything* to my last one. That's why I worry about the current one: because when I realized that, I became resentful and it eventually ended.

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  • To me it sounds like the worse thing you can do. You stop being natural. And that natural quality is why that person fell in love with you in the first place.

    Just be the best you can be and that's it.

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  • Yes, I think about this a lot. I have been both an exceptional and a shitty boyfriend, I think a lot about why that is and what I need to make sure I remain exceptional as much as possible.

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  • I bring the fabulousness

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  • I bring
    Attention
    Looks
    Pleasure
    Intelligence
    And support

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  • No, i was married for 22 years. So, i know I can do relationships well.

    At present, I am enjoying being single and having 'me time'

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  • All the time.

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  • I can't know what I give her, I can only know what she gives me. How am I supposed to know what I am to her? I can't read minds.

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  • I know what I bring.

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  • I don't think about it, I highly doubt that I'll enter a relationship in the next few months to answer your question.

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  • I'm still learning how to deal with relationships... I think a lot of people look at movies/tv to see what relationships should be... but I honestly don't know how relationships should and shouldn't be... it's not like there's a handbook

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  • In any relationship I seek to better myself. If I'm with someone, it's because looking at them makes me want to be a better person.

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  • I think most people don't. They just think about what their partner can give them and if they think someone is good enough for them then they think it's a good relationship to have even though they don't consider that they themselves might not be good enough for the other person. Someone being good enough for you does not make you good enough for them.

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  • I did for 3 years, however I realised my partner was bringing absolutely nothing to the relationship. In fact she was jeopardising it so over time I naturally stopped focusing on what I brought to the relationship and focused solely on her contribution. 18 months later I had become an absolutely terrible partner and was dumped for not looking after her. It upset me most because I didn't realise during those 18 months my own insignificant contribution which obviously led to a lot of self guilt for the relationships failure. Having said that my best advice is if you feel your partner isn't bringing what you feel they should bring to your relationship, talk to them and if that fails issue an ultimatum. I failed to do so and in the end it was easy for her to blame the failings of our relationship on me eventhough I know if after 3 years I had issued an ultimatum she wouldn't have changed and it would have ended then anyway.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Oh yeah, 100%. In my youth I didn't, but as I got older I realized very quickly that if you want the "perfect guy" you have to meet the same standards you expect. Don't expect a guy to treat you like a queen if you don't treat him like a king.

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  • Good question.
    It seems many people expect A LOT from their partners, they have this huge long list of their ideal guy/girl and how they expect them to be (or how they should be), yet they possess bare minimum of the traits (or what have you) listed. They blame their partners when really it's a reflection of their own high standards with not living up to their own expectations themselves.
    Then you get the other men/women who don't even have standards, they fall for & accept every woman/guy that approaches them or appears to treat them right only to discover later they are actually the bitch/asshole they didn't want but they blame the other person instead of seeing that it was them who accepted these people to begin with.

    I think it is important to have reasonable & attainable standards, keep a filter on the guys/girls you meet but don't rule out all potential options. It's good to keep in check what you are bringing to the relationship as it takes two to make it work. And in order to meet them halfway, you need to bring yourself forward and let yourself shine to show the other person how lucky they are to have you among-st all other partners they could have chosen. It goes both ways though.

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  • definitely. that's a good question.

    this is why I'm not getting into one until i figure out whether I'm really fit for someone. i want to offer the best version of myself, not in the sense that I'm different, but that i work bloody hard to be a better person for him, so that when i meet him, i'll b comfortable with who i am.

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  • No because I'm not in one.

    And if I was, it would cross my mind and I would be comfortable with my efforts.

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  • It's the first thing I think of before seeing to enter into one.

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  • Yeah, usually when it's going smoothly. I start to wonder how we're still going, if we're putting in equal effort and if I'm actually doing anything in particular which works for the relationship. I often don't know what's making it work but sometimes, that's not a bad thing. :)

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  • I think I would bring support for my man. Both emotional and other kinds of support that he may need. Which was why I don't want to be a housewife. I want to work so that in case he got laid off or can't work, I'll be able to help support him and us financially. I'd share the burden of earning money. And in return, he'd have to share the burden of housework and child rearing too.

    Also, I'm a good listener. And have strong principles. And despite my fears, I think I could make a pretty decent mother and raise pretty decent kids.

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  • Yeah, I'm always aware. It seems to me that I always date guys who ought to be a little out of my league, and my desire to be worthy of my boyfriend has motivated a lot of my self-improvement over the years.

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    • I wish that was my problem. I date men who maybe bring one thing to the table, while I hope maybe they are the nice guy they seem to be but nope.

      They may have okay personalities and I like being around them but they always come with a list of demands. What's your credit score, how much do you weigh, how much do you make, how's your family, who do you know? Can you raise our kids, clean the house and make as much as me at your 60 hour a week job while I'm out with the guys? Oh and go to the gym 8 hours a week. I don't need to see you I just need you to do these things for me.

      Sorry a rant I know I'm the one to blame for ending up with these guys. It isn't like they present this way from the beginning. I meet the qualifications but I don't want to be 'qualifications'. Especially for someone who isn't bringing anything to the table in return. It's like I liked you because you are you, you like me for what a possess. 😕

    • I'm glad you don't give in and just state your "qualifications" in order to hold on to someone. Hang in there, there are great guys wandering around.

    • Thanks yeah from every lemon at least you learn something. I actually usually understated my worth my my last guy. I'm more than a bank roll dang it. 😊

  • I've always been single, but I know what qualities I have to offer or am trying to develop in myself for when the day comes.

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  • Often, that's why I never make the first move. I don't have much to offer so I just let people be. Once I get me figured out I will invite someone into it.

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  • I have thought about it, in fact. And honestly, I don't know what I would bring to a relationship. I don't know why anyone would want me.

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    • Oh honey your just so young. You'll grow into it when you are ready. 💞

  • All the time. I wonder if I am worthy of devoting so much of his time and energy on. I wonder how do I improve on myself to benefit him.

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  • Not really. Probably not a bad idea though. May try it.

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  • You know i never told of that. Now you give me sumn to think bout

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  • That's a good point. However, I'm not looking for a relationship and I'm single so of course I do not think about those things

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  • Yeah.
    I want my boyfriend to be proud of having me as his girlfriend. And I want to make him happy and treat him well.
    I guess becauause I've finally met a really good guy who I'm crazy about it kind of comes naturally.
    It's important to have standards for yourself and how you want to be treated as well

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  • I've asked myself this a lot lately and I think I bring a lot to it. My boyfriend appreciates me

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