Isn't it tragic that looks matter so much?

Let’s not kid ourselves here. Looks are always essential initially for people to get attracted to us. Personality, nature etc. comes later. But isn’t it tragic that the one aspect about us, which we have least control over (which is our looks), matter the most in terms of dating and relationships? Of course, there are ways to IMPROVE our looks, but we can’t change the face we are born with. And we never get to choose how we wish to look, from a set of pre-defined templates when we are born.


I know people go on and on about how ‘looks aren’t everything’, but it’s obviously the looks which gets the other person interested in the beginning.


P. S. I’m not considering drastic measures such as plastic surgery, which can significantly alter (not necessarily improve) a person’s looks. That's beyond the scope of this question.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I absolutely agree! I think it's very tragic, it's only getting worse too, I see all of these girls on instagram doing their make up to take pictures at the gym and go to nice restaurants and sit down just to take a picture, I find this narcissistic society absolutely disgusting and the sad part is that almost everyone is part of it, I'm 24 and refuse to post bikini pictures or selfies of myself and I guess that just makes me a boring person with no life, which is not the case, I just rather experience things in the moment rather than focus on what my pictures look like and then reminisce about it. It has also made the dating game a lot more difficult, I feel like guys have this high expectations of girls looking like the girls on Instagram and anything less in not good enough, it's like they don't see past the reality that most of the pictures are super edited, posed, and highly unrealistic of what most girls look like. I miss the days where dating was about making a good first impression and not swiping left or right being judged solely on looks, we are not fruit at the supermarket to be chosen based on appearance, what's baffling is that most people seem to be ok with it.

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    • I agree with you. But speaking from a guy's perspective, I feel girls too expect a lot it terms of guys' looks. It's a myth that men are more visual than men. Both genders are extremely visual.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes it is tragic indeed. The "You just have to have confidence" doesn't work for everybody. That may work for average and above on the richter scale. People who are about 4-10 got a higher chance while 3 and below is an uphill battle. But the good thing is I have seen many undesirables have someone so at least its not impossible.

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    • 3 and below? I'd say anyone below 7 has it really tough. Especially since people's standards in general, regarding looks in their partner, have skyrocketed in recent years.

    • If that were true then why do i see many 7 and under with someone?

    • I have no idea, maybe they had something else to compensate for their lack of looks. Although they would have struggled quite a lot to find the person they are with.

What Girls Said 6

  • It sucks for sure. Especially since working out is soooo boring lmao, but alas, I still work out several times a week.
    When I was single I would always wish someone would fall in love with me for my awkward charm and nerdy wit alone lol

    I'm lucky I have a partner who loves me for more than my looks 👐

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  • of course looks are important, and it doesn't just go for choosing a parter, it goes as far as the style of clothes you choose, the car you want, the house you like... you and all of us choose in what we find most attractive and what's closest to our budget... you wouldn't go for a trashed house if you could a ford a prettier one... same for for choosing a partner... and for the most part, we DO have control over how we look. If you don't have a very attractive face, then work in having a nice body and personality and you WILL attract people even at first sight.. it's common sense, but people like to complain complain complain... bleh~. And no it's not tragic.

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    • You're missing the point. Whatever a person does, the 'basic' looks obtained from birth CANNOT change.

  • Our bone structure mostly determines if we're good-looking or not, strictly on an objective physical level. In that sense it is 'tragic' that many people would place a high value on something that can't be worked on.

    The way I see it is that good-looking people at first glance are nothing more than skin and bone that have been proportioned nicely through luck of the draw.

    But the good thing about beauty is that it is subjective as well since emotions play a big role in what attracts. What is emotional is not always logical and if you can cut through the logic, emotions always win out. Many people forget this part. That our aura, our energy, our effort also play a role in what attracts independent of what you're born with.

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  • I'm not exactly sure how you can use the word 'tragic' for something as mundane as this.

    There are plenty of non-attractive people who have partners. It's all about how you present yourself.

    Otherwise, I agree with you. We live in a such superficial world that not being attractive is 'tragic'.

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  • Beauty is always subjective & always changing & always evolving
    Everyone breathing has their own standard & ideals

    Nothing wrong with that.
    We are all human beings who are wired to like and dislike what is on this planet.

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  • totally agree.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Looks are biologically driven. Looks determine health of a mate; so, essentially it's natural. It maybe tragic or sad, but there are much worse things than being ugly: cancer, famine, and war.

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  • I don't necessarily think it's tragic. I weigh looks as the equal to personality. People always say that looks fade and personality stays forever, but they aren't exactly right. Personality changes throughout time.

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  • If we're talking about what you're born with, then yes it's tragic. But I don't see anything tragic about people, shaving or trimming the damn beard. Washing the face and working out. Looking presentable. Obviously having substance as a person is more important, but I don't see why it being important to have a good wrapper is a bad thing. I just can't see it.

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    • But shaving, trimming working out etc. does not change the 'basic' looks, right? We are stuck with whatever we are born with.

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    • But making the most of it, hardly helps. Maximum efforts with minimum returns.

    • A lot of ugly millionaires or physically unattractive people with Hot SO's would disagree with you on that. I would as well. Everyone can do better than they are

  • It doesn't to everyone but yeah to a lot of people it does. Such is life though.

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  • It does suck and so many more people would feel so much happier if there was no ugly or hot it was just everyone was different and you found them more physically hot if they meshed well with your personality.

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  • After all, it's all about luck and genes. Looks really do matter because sometimes, it is the basis on how you will treat that person.

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    • More than how the person is treated, looks are usually the make-or-break factor when it comes to attracting people of the opposite gender (or same gender, in case of homosexuals).

  • It's tragic if you do not look good.

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  • It is how the world works, life is VERY unfair. Your life can be screwed by simply being born in the wrong place. I might not be the same person if I was born in some slum in afghanistan or guatemala where there's not much hope to make it out. That's why a lot of people become criminals and gang members, I might've too in a different world.

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  • yes, don't over estimate it too much though. it only peeks open the door to attraction. you can't simply have a personality, presence, confidence, or be funny either. these are very strong characteristics and people pick up on them very easily. i agree with your point though. our culture worships beauty and social media seems to have made it worse.

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    • How I wish people would pick up on aspects other than looks. Unfortunately, at least in the beginning, looks matter the most. Looks is like the entry ticket to the dating world. Without it, entry is denied.

    • exactly, in the beginning it matters. if you are around someone long enough who is hilarious or has a positive inviting personality, it can be extremely attractive. the opposite is plenty of girls showing interest, then reject you because they don't like who you are. that can be very discouraging also.

    • But by the time someone can look past physical appearance and get to the personality part, they would no longer view that person as a potential romantic interest. That 'spark' has to happen early on, and for that looks matter the most.

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