How can I mentally get myself ready to date after taking a year and a half off living single life?

I need a girlfriend, I thought I would want to stay single after my ex cheated on me but after a year of binge drinking , smoking weed, and flirting around I'm mentally ready to find the right girl for me. I realized this yesterday when I avoided going to a loud house party cause i dont want to deal with girls who were too drunk to remember their own name. Instead I went for a few drinks on my own and let my mind wander and just relaxed and accessed what I really want. I still don't trust women though and I don't know how to really give up my heart if I dont learn to let go and open up to a girl.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • my ex (also my first love) was the first to cheat on me 10 years ago, and it took me many years to trust anyone after that. so trust me when i say i feel your pain~ once you've been betrayed to that extent, it stays in the back of your mind and never really goes away.

    i recommend starting slow; date for fun, but don't get serious immediately and let the girl (s) work to earn your trust.

    i started with online dating, to keep my options open and just have fun~ i made it clear that i was looking for something casual, but one guy stood out from the others as boyfriend material; we talked online for a month, and our first in-person date was magical. over the next few months, he worked hard to prove himself worthy of my trust and, almost a year later, he's earned it enough that i can silence that little voice in the back of my head.

    before that, my main issue is that i kept gravitating toward the wrong guy and never learned from my mistakes until now, . fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

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    • Well I don't know I just get so scared to get close and awlays refuse to talk. about myself. I'm a social guy but mysterious cause noone really knows about my past drama ever since I was cheated on.

    • you don't have to talk to anyone about it unless you start to get serious; if you start pulling away and shutting down, your (future) s. o. is going to notice, and you should be honest and upfront with her when the time comes.

      i never hid my past from anyone. sure, i didn't tell every single person what happened, though it took many years of "because this happened, i am incapable of loving anyone right now" before i got to a place where i was comfortable confiding in someone. it took 10 years, but i got there again... and so can you.

What Girls Said 4

  • Think about what you want and would want in a potential girlfriend. You also need to take precautions when you see some of the same traits or moves your ex did since she cheated on you because you don't want to set yourself up for another failure. Do you, but make sure you keep an eye out and you'll find her and aslo you may want to cut back on the drinking, party scene, and smoking because some amazing girls may not want a man that does that. You need to respect yourself first to be respected from others. I hope I could help and good luck handsome😊😊😊😊!

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    • Well I will now I can't deal with loud noises and constant cramped places anymore. If k do drink now I'll be alone and just chill.

    • Why's that?

    • I am annoyed with the whole clubs and house party scene. I am more feeling the sit at he bar and talk to a few friends and relaxing scene. If I do meet a great girl i can eventually trust it would be nice to share a few drinks and just chill.

  • Sounds to me like you're already emotionally ready to date, you're just not ready to trust women yet. So don't. Enjoy the company of your dates, keep your protective wall up, and just be open to the possibility of one particular woman _earning_ your trust. My boyfriend's wife left him for another man and I find it nothing short of miraculous that is isn't jealous with me - it's a hell of a betrayal to get over.

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    • It's hard to even considering I hear girls at bars knowing they have bf's flirting with other guys and I'm just like what girl wouldn't do that if these girls are.

    • There are 3.5 billion of us. We just aren't all the same.

  • Talk to them.

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  • Eventually you need to just get over it. So she cheated. Yes it sucks and yes it's hurtful. But life goes on. It's not the end of the world

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