Will not caring about a girl's past be interpreted as a red flag?

If any of you are familiar with my content, you know my motto: "I'd date a girl whether she had zero sexual partners or infinity." Basically, I pass zero judgment on a girl's past. In my opinion, it's not important or relevant. The only time it would potentially be a problem for me if there was some cheating in the past, but even then I'd still probably give her a chance. I just don't think it's right to judge someone from their past because people can and do change.

However, I've also heard that often times, a guy asking a girl about her past is viewed as a sign that he wants a relationship. So will not asking or caring be interpreted as me only wanting sex?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think knowing someone's past isn't a bad thing and normal to want to know. I agree with you about the no judgement but be weary of red flags. If you feel like something is wrong it is probably because there is. I think to look for is the way they speak about their ex's because there is always two sides of the story and that ex doesn't have a chance to defend themselves. Sure some ex's are complete assholes but some are not and the relationship just didn't work out. Another sign is how they try either parents. Also cheating us a huge red flag but if they have been to therapy or councilling then I would consider giving them a chance if not then the odds are eventually they will repeat their actions.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Girls with a wild past will likely view it as a plus.

    Girls who take sex seriously may view it as a red flag, that either you've been wild, or would be.

    Maybe that's accurate. Ultimately projecting your views around sex is likely going to attract people with similar views.

    You may be in the position I was in at your age, which was that fundamentally, i was open minded about sex, but I was also inexperienced. I ended up dating girls who were much more sexually reserved than I was, and should have done what I needed to to become more attractive to girls who were sexually outgoing.

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    • Yep, that's exactly the position I am in.

      Thank you.

    • One question I'd have for you is do you think your demeanor and behavior are consistent with your views around sex?

      I think in my case, I was intellectually open minded, but anxious because of inexperience or over-sensitivity to causing offense. So the fact that I was genuinely open-minded didn't come through.

      To be honest, I'm not sure I realized that I -was- more open-minded than average.

What Girls Said 14

  • No, not at all. If her past (especially her sexual past) is completely irrelevant to you, then you don't have to ask anything. It's not exactly a fun topic of conversation, so I'm sure most girls wouldn't mind skipping that part, haha. More innocent questions about her dating past -- like "How long ago was your last relationship?" -- could be nice to know, though.

    Anyway, if you want to make sure a girl knows you're genuinely interested in her, just have thoughtful conversations with her, compliment/tease her, etc.

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  • I can't see it being interpreted as you only wanting sex. Maybe, if you want, you could state to the girl beforehand that you don't care about their pasts at the very beginning. But otherwise, I don't think it would be interpreted as you just wanting sex.

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  • To me asking about my past isn't a huge deal. If you didn't do it it wouldn't make me think u just wanted sex

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  • I'd agree with you actually - I don't care about his "number."
    Cheating in the past raises a red flag, but doesn't COMPLETELY turn me away unless I have a legitimate reason to do so.

    But no, I wouldn't mind if a guy didn't ask about my past - it wouldn't raise any "red flags" either.

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  • As a girl, I think past relationship questions are kind of strange. If you get too specific it seems like you are comparing yourself/competing. And getting incredibly personal like the number of partners question is way too invasive; at least I think so, because like you said, it shouldn't matter.
    I don't think it's bad NOT to ask about past relationships because the past is the past. Asking about anything else relevant to her will show you care. If a girl wants you to know about a past relationship, she should just tell you.
    If you choose to ask, make it nonchalant and more general.

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  • If a guy didn't ask I wouldn't think anything of it.

    If he said he didn't care but showed interest then I'd be a little confused. You should just explain your views on the matter.

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  • I think a red flag would be if you always agreed with her.

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  • people don't really change.. so it is a red flag if someone cheated in past.

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    • That's not necessarily true, in my opinion. The person may have rehabilitated themselves from therapy or counseling, or learned from the loss and mistake and reformed themselves.

      Do you have exactly the same attitudes or think the same things you did two years ago as you do now?

    • pretty much yeah... general attitude is something else.. cheating is something else.. but still. i might give him a chance if he was too awesome..

  • Its okay not to care about her number. Just explain yourself if you want to know. Tell her your intentions directly.

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  • I'd think it was a sign of disinterest if my boyfriend weren't at all curious about my life up to the moment he met me, but his lack of interest in my number doesn't seem weird at all. He's never asked me and I've never asked him and like you I can't figure out what difference it would make. I can't even see the point of asking if he was a cheater, since I assume cheaters are perfectly willing to lie about these things.

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  • Until they prove there is a reason to worry about the past then don't bring it up. if you don't feel its important then it may not be

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  • If you didn't ask about my past I wouldn't really care, I wouldn't immediately think you only wanted sex either. If you did ask me about my past I wouldn't think you wanted a serious relationship, I woild just think you cared to ask.

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  • sometimes , it really depends on her past

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  • You should care about someone's past. It's what made them who they are today

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What Guys Said 12

  • Well, I always express interest in a girls life, but I just don't care about her exes or her previous love life so I don't ask about those things. I also really don't care if she thinks I'm not interested or if she thinks im just interested in sex based on that cause I'm just not gonna ask.

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  • I personally don't care about a woman's sexual past, as long as it is in the past.

    What is important, is how they are with me. What I would need to know about is, if she had been a prostitute porn actress or stripper. Not that have been any them, would be a deal breaker.

    I would want to know, because along the line someone will tell me and it will usually be someone close to her or an ex.

    Being foreworned, you can't be blindsided when it happens.

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  • Hey I have the same dating policy! And to answer your question, I don't think it would. Usually when a girl and I exchange stories about our past it's just out of curiosity.

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  • Honestly I think that having your attitude is a red flag in and of itself. I get that you want to be progressive but too much of anything can be bad - including sex. Now I'm not saying I would shame a woman for having countless sexual partners BUT I wouldn't want anything to do with her.

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    • Hoe is my attitude a red flag? What does it indicate?

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    • Agreed
      *high five*

    • @schnipdip [attempts bro fist] [get slapped on the knuckle]

  • If you're good looking, then almost nothing is viewed as a red flag. If not, then most things become red flags. It's as simple as that.

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    • That's just the extreme views of someone who's bitter and insecure. I've personally cut guys off who I find very attractive due to shitty behavior and most of my female friends have as well.

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    • Had to click the dislike button

    • Just to be clear, is kingfrosty's story one about how his buddies bad behavior is getting in the way of him having sex with a 16th girl this year, so we should all learn that attitude matters?

  • ugh...

    when you buy a car, or even a jacket, don't you care about its past, what it's been through?

    and isn't the girl you're going to hopefully spend a long time with far more important than a car or jacket?

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  • Just be honest and explain that if she feels the need to explain her past then she is more than welcome to, but that there is no obligation to do so, and that you don't pass judgement on anyone because you think that people are decent. Being straight forward is usually the best thing to do.

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  • Are you stupid? (sorry)

    Look, girls like to earn their boyfriend's approval. They want to be validated by having the most success guy holding her arm.

    So for a guy to blurt out "I'm totally okay with you being a slut.", or whatever you might say, that doesn't ingratiate you to her, it actually makes you come off as milquetoast.

    The only girl you should be talking about sexual partners with is a deeply committed girlfriend. Don't ask. Don't tell. You can sort of tell who's a slut anyway.

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    • That's what I meant to ask. The premise of this question is that I wouldn't ask her about her sexual past.

    • And I am milquetoast, sexually at least. I prefer a dominant girl anyway.

  • Passing zero judgement on a girl's past... lol god luck being cukolded.

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  • guys only pretend to care. if guys showed that they really cared, then the girl would view us as her brother.

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  • My past stays there. Don't go prying. I give the same courtesy to people I'm involved with.

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  • No, not at all. You have the right attitude; the past is in the past, where it belongs. Asking specifics about the past is never a good idea; that can only end badly.

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