How to stop her moving in?

I started dating this girl two months ago, I'm recently separated and don't want anything serious or a live-in partner. Just want to take it slow and easy and this lady acts like she understands what I'm saying but every time she visits me and stays overnight, she always leaves some of her stuff behind : panties, earrings, shoes, pantyhoses, make-up stuff, t-shirts, etc. Looks to me like she's moving in gradually. How do I stop her without being mean about it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Start staying at her house? But it certainly sounds like she's leaving behind reasons to come back... which would indicate feelings beyond casual. This is why sleeping with the same person over and over never remains casual because it fosters emotional bonds between one or both individuals... meaning you'll either both fall for each other OR one will end up hurt while the other has not feelings at all. You can't treat a friends with benefits situation like a one night stand. She may SAY she gets it... but is secretly hoping to win you over and make you want to commit in her mind.

    Either voice it aloud again that you want to keep things slow and causal and let her know she shouldn't be leaving things behind... or simply end it, as it seems she's getting the idea that she can turn a casual situation into a serious one.

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    • MHO right here!

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    • Well, he was a bit more obvious and blatant about using me towards the end, so I simply cut him off cold once it finally hit me. I mean, he was using me to the point of paying his electric bill, gas and new furniture. (I was a bit naive at the time).

      I'm not suggesting this girl is using you like I was used, I'm just saying beware of dating someone who isn't financially independent. There is no reason an adult can't get a decent paying job to where he/she lives in his/her own apartment. Get a roommate at the very least, that ISN'T your family member.

      At any rate, I would just make sure you aren't paying anything for her and make sure to voice that she needs to stop leaving stuff at your house because you want to be VERY CLEAR that it's casual and not going anywhere. OR, you can just let her know you are getting the feeling that things are moving in a different direction than you want, so you want to end things now before they get complicated.

    • Okay thanks, absolutely appreciated.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Gather up most of the stuff, clothes especially. Fold them *neatly* and bag them so it doesn't look like you're treating her things like trash. Text her and tell her you were cleaning your place and found some things she forgot and ask if she'd like you to bring them next time you go to her place. If she's got an overnight kit (Toothbrush, a couple things she needs to clean up in the morning) leave them there so she doesn't feel like she's not welcome to stay the night.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I would pack it up and make sure she sees you have her stuff separate and ready to go. Next time she comes over just walk her out and say "Oh by the way here's that stuff you left". I don't think that's mean but I'm a very straight to the point gal.

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    • Thank you, appreciated.

  • sit her down and tell her how you feel and if she's not understanding then that's something he has to deal with on her own.

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  • Get a cute little gift bag and one day show up at her house and be really sweet and be like "you forgot your stuff I though u might be missing them" or "hope I weren't searching for them too long"

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  • there's no way of being nice but there is a easy way to say it
    which is telling her what you told us

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  • Tell her, "hey, do you mean to leave all of this behind?"

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  • If y'all are dating why can't she stay over and possibly leave stuff over😩 :/ . You're making it sound like you aren't dating her but you stated it

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    • We just started dating, but as i said I'm recentlying separated, not looking good for a serious relationship and definitely not for someone to live with right now. Now she has left enough of her stuff at my place it's beginning to look like she lives with me. I don't want that.

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    • Lmao I'm the bitch but you're the one playing games with a woman? Bitch you're sad and I have a boyfriend thank you very much. I'm a college student making A's so obviously old bitch I have a brain unlike you. I hope she bitch slap you since you ARE a bitch yourself. And don't take me seriously IDC HAHA -_-

    • Oh yeah and I'm 19 dumbass

What Guys Said 4

  • Pack it all up and tell her "I gathered a few things you may be missing" lol

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  • Don't worry she cannot actually move in without talking about it, just return all her things at once over the weekend.

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  • Wow what a bitch!! Just imagine if you started leaving all your stuff at her house...

    I'm sure you've got a mindset that discriminates against men and pedastalizes women. Otherwise, you've never be in this fucking mess.

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  • Typical.

    Have her stuff in a pile by the door and when she comes over next time remind her that she "forgot" some things.

    She will get the hint.

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    • I hear ya!

    • I had a buddy who would drag off bar meat and when they inevitably left stuff at his house... I mean "forgot" stuff at his house... he would put it in a bowl by the door and when they came back with the "OMG hehe I like forgot my _____" he would simply look at them and be like, "It's in the bowl" and they would get all wide eyed and say shit like "Ummmm what do you mean it's in the bowl" and he would just point to this bowl with random girl shit in it and they would get all angry and take their shit and leave. It was so freaking awesome.

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