Recently, a man has been trying to woo me with almond milk. I'm really not interested in him (which I have said on multiple occasions) but I'm not going to turn down free almond milk because that shit is expensive.
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Hmm. A friend of a girl who had a crush on me was at this party. She was plainly very drunk. She gave me a hug which seemed to last for an eternity and then started in with telling me how cute she thought I was (and I am not cute, I am a handsome, shiny blue medal!) and rubbing herself against me. I was like, "Uh huh. You're very sweet. Gotta go." and I pried her off of me.
At the same party, the hostess (the girl who had a crush on me) had a gay friend there. Women were all over him. He walked up to me, started running his hands through my hair and saying how much he liked it. I was too young and naïve to figure out he was A) gay and B) into me. My friends all told me later.2