This is my first question on here. Name's Ashley. :)
There's this guy that I've been new friends with for about 5 months, friends with benefits for tiny bit over a month. Wasn't planned, just happened. We've both admitted that we care for each other a lot. He says he likes me "way more than a friend," but we're not dating/in a relationship, at least not the label. When we hang out, we'll go to dinner, kiss, cuddle, cook, etc. All the things "couples" would do.
We haven't talked about heavy/deeper topics yet, such as passions, goals, values etc. Things that people usually find out on dates. I asked about an upcoming concert we're going to in a few weeks if that could maybe be a "date." I think I made a mistake of trying to slap on a label, because he said, "Well, that's 3 weeks from now. Let's continue the way we are now, and if I see it as a date, I'll tell you."
Could this be part of the problem?
He got out of a bad relationship about a year ago. Dated her for 3 years, was going to propose, found out she was cheating emotionally for 6 months and left him for that guy--they're still together. He has said that one of his fears is that if he date someone and it ends again after a few years he'll be 37 and he wants to be able to settle down, not worry about the clock.
He's 35, I'm 25, and his ex is about my age too. He said that the way his feelings are now remind him of the early stages of dating his ex, which in itself isn't bad, but that he doesn't feel yet that emotional signal (?) that we'd be perfect long term. He did admit that previously he didn't have trust issues or a bad relationship, though, and that that could play a part.
I do sense that the feelings are there, but maybe since we haven't talked about a lot of deeper stuff he doesn't have that full connection? I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to pressure or force things to happen at a pace they're not supposed to, but I do feel that this could turn into something really special!
Most Helpful Guy
You gave yourself the answer in your last paragraph. Don't pressure him. If you two are going to work out, you'll work out at your own pace and in your own time. Putting pressure on yourself or on him to hurry it up will create stress.
Just enjoy his company and keep getting to know him. Live in the now and enjoy it for what it is. Things will naturally run their course, especially since it sounds lIke he's thinking about settling down.2
Most Helpful Girl
Just do whatever makes you happy, but don't make it blatantly obviously like "OMG I LOOOVE CLEANING & COOKING." If you do, just do it. Don't boast or make a huge deal about it, it'll come off as trying too hard. Not every young man wants a girl to "wife" yet, definitely just be yourself and don't try too hard. If a guy really likes you, he'll notice. Otherwise it's not a big deal and someone better for you will. That's just how it works sometimes. Good luck though. 😊1