Why would a relationship turn into something just sexual?

I started seeing this guy a couple of months ago and it was great it really was. We have already done that wining and dining part but later it starts getting serious. I get freaked out by commitment so I pulled away because I was scared. I think he must've taken it as disinterest, anyways we start talking less, we only talked if he reached out and now it's mostly late night calls which he intiates and a lot of sleeping together. I still have feelings and I know he does too I can tell when I'm with him. There is nothing bad about us except that it turned sexual so to say. We haven't communicated I'm not good at opening up and I don't know what we are neither does he. We have a great chemistry, I still talk to him of course and he always reply. He is too possessive, caring and personal with me if I were ever to be his fuck buddy which I'm by the way not looking for.. Help?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You answered your own question - you're reaping what you've sown by freaking out and then not communicating about it.

    Unless you open up (it just has to be honest!) this isn't going to change, either.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It could just be a phase. I went through something similar with my own boyfriend... we started with the chatting, working out, just hanging out together. Once sex came into the picture, we'd do basically nothing but have sex together. Sometimes even skipping class just for that. A few weeks passed of just that when I started asking myself the same questions you seem to be asking. I loved sex and still do, don't get me wrong, but I've never been interested in just that so I mentioned it to him and insisted that we set aside a day where we just hang, nothing more.

    That seemed to be enough for us. Tel your guy how you feel! It's easy to get caught up in the hormone rush, but make a point of taking just a little bit of time regularly to nourish the actual relationship.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Based on my experience, my conclusion is:

    Great relationships = great communication

    I'm not sure you can have one without the other. We all have insecurities and faults. Learning how to communicate with your SO is key.

    Yes, pulling away probably changed the relationship dynamic. If you care about eachother work through your insecurities, find and do things you enjoy together and *communicate*.

    Good luck!

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  • Sometimes the only really strong connection between two people is sexual. They may care about the other, respect the other, but just find that the nonsexual chemistry is lacking but the sex is still great.

    Many years ago, I was really head-over-heels about this girl but she ended the relationship. We ended up hooking up for still excellent sex, and after I got over the hurt I realized that she was right. We had too disparate goals and personalities to really work as a couple, but we always respected each other and had great physical chemistry.

    It happens, and as long as noone is being manipulated or mislead, things should not be too painful and may end up with a more stable friendship.

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  • first u say "We haven't communicated I'm not good at opening up and I don't know what we are neither does he."
    thn u say "We have a great chemistry, I still talk to him of course and he always reply. He is too possessive, caring and personal with me"
    ur qustin itslf says that u r goin grt but u r not satisfied with this. sorry bt the only way is to talk about it. Also there is diff by the way sexual and only sexual. if its former 1 then u shud njoy the time. the later can b resolvd with a conversation.

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  • Learn to communicate better. Any relationship advise about communication has a point. It is of the most important to get your feels, thoughts and worries across. It's not necessarily about the quantity you talk, but the quality.

    If you can't even open up to him for example about your fear of commitment - then how would it work out anyway?

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  • Based on what you've said, it's because you are pulling away and he thinks you're disinterested.

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  • because you have a fragile ego

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  • You pulled out. You got scared, so, he treats you like you are scared to be in a commitment. Best thing to do when you're afraid of commitment, is to set it free. If it comes back to you then maybe it was meant to be.

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  • It appears that is what he wanted all along.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Relationships don't go from something real to something "just sexual" unless they were never real to begin with. If you didn't want a relationship based on sex, you would have held out longer and opened up more.

    I think you're just afraid to admit that you don't want a real relationship right now, but you do want sex. There's nothing wrong with this, so there is no need to hide behind a label to get laid.

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  • You will need to open up to him and tell him what you want and what you don't want. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page and if not maybe you guys aren't really right for each other, unless friends with benefits is something up your alley.

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  • Did he bring up commitment and then you freaked out?

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  • "Why would a relationship turn into something just sexual?" - Because the people in the relationship stop trying and communicating.

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  • Show him this question. We can't help you get what you want. You need to talk to him

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  • Move on its a dead end

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