Why is it that the more sophisticated and intelligent people tend to never find a parter in life?

I see this a lot with very intelligent people. Is it because they never find someone that is on their level and that they are attracted to? Or because they usually lack social skills?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • well because they are smart and dumbness doesn't attract them.. even if someone is really good looking. its no use if he or she is dumb.. anyone would lose interest eventually.. some do lack social skills. but mostly they like to be with a person they can have a good conversation with.. 50% looks 50% brains..

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Most Helpful Guy

  • likely because their dating pool is way lower!

    Not sound full of myself, but I consider myself a part of this group. If a girl knows more about the kardashians, style or gossip than politics, problems int he world or some other pursuit, than I will pass on dating her regardless of how attractive she is.

    I recently returned to the US after living abroad for some time, and I am already over the closed minded American mentality of girls around me. I know need to get into a big city though...

    I think you could say really intelligent people also tend to put finding a partner or dating behind other things- not saying it is still not very important tot hem or thing, but there is likely something else above that in terms of priorities.

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What Girls Said 22

  • I think in every relationship you ideally want someone who you feel gets you. I think intelligent people tend to second guess themselves, they get that they don't know it all and so it's harder for them to find someone who gets them when they might not even truly get themselves.
    Also i do feel like a lot of intelligent people have jobs which are more of a passion for them and they put a lot of work and time into, which just makes dating and getting out there a bit harder. If you're working a lot it's harder to find time to meet people.

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    • Not the ones that I've been around. Including me. Over the years I've learned how to communicate better and be more social with people, but I am still awful with women. I'm great when I get in a relationship, but terrible at not being awkward when I'm getting to know them.

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    • The fact that you don't know about the Kardashians or the Bachelor means you are a well adjusted person.

  • Sometimes it's just very difficult to talk/relate to extremely intelligent people and on top of that, some of them lack social/emotional intelligence.

    The ones i've known are obsessed with a specific subject and it's all they talk about, they become absorbed with things they're interested in and forget to relate socially/emotionally with other people.

    In other words, they're normally extremely self absorbed and don't bother to relate to people who are trying to relate to them. It's like they have a huge emotional wall up and most people aren't interested in spending an eternity trying to get over it.

    I'm not saying everyone is like that, obviously.

    But i've known really intelligent people and they all wanted a girlfriend and wanted to date but women weren't interested in them. Well I would try having conversations with them and could clearly see why no one would want to date them, they have no social skills, they were completely self absorbed and only wanted to talk about what interested them personally.

    Relationships are a two way street and you have to be open to others views/interest as well.

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    • But don't people typically talk about what interests them?

      That's what they primarily know about, of course that will be their primary topic of discussion.

      There's some secret here that people either innately seem to learn, or have no clue about.

    • Well of course they do and should but my point was that it's all they talk about. They don't seem interested in the other person and no one wants to have a one sided conversation.

  • Every label we put on ourselves has its pros and cons. Someone funny can be seen as too flippant, someone beautiful can be seen as conceited, someone ugly can be seen as lazy, someone uneducated can be seen as an idiot, someone smart can be seen as pompous. I don't think love cares for these labels. You will find a partner in life when you know you are ready. When you don't label yourself and don't allow others to label you. Iv seen tall beauties with short average guys. Iv seen two intelligent people fall in love. Iv seen a smart woman and no so smart man as a couple raise wonderful children. it all ends up on compromise commitment and love

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  • they usually find someone when they're older - around mid-30s or so
    they are usually absorbed into their career goals

    there is also the intimidation factor - many people would be intimidated to approach someone on that level unless they felt they were on the same level or just supremely confident

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  • Well I'm surrounded by highly intelligent people with social skills - many do find someone, some don't. It seems to me it's the first thing you said, far more than the second.

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  • not exactly true... but there is some that don't i think it's more of the fact they lack social skills, but its not a never thing, they normally find them other half eventually aha :) just takes more time for them i think, but not all are like that :)

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  • There are different reasons

    Some think to highly of themselves which kills the attraction

    Others like being loners

    Some just never shut up

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  • Not all intelligent people are well rounded. Reasons might be they don't give enough time to a relationship as equally to their career, anxiety, married to their job etc.

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  • I've never seen this. Overwhelmingly, the most emotionally intelligent people I've met are also the most intelligent people across the board. Maybe this is my biased sample? Every man I've ever loved was a bit of a science geek.

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  • It's hard to find someone who you can connect with when you're more intelligent. It's not about social graces.

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  • I think they set their standards to high.

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  • Don scare me -_-

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  • Both of your theories make sense to me.

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  • because they are intelligent people they dont want to upset

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  • It's because they get bored very easily. They need constant mental stimulation. If that's not provided they'll lose interest fast. Besides they will come across as snobbish know it alls which is not very attractive to those who don't value being correct and accurate about everything all the time...

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  • there's less intelligent people and that means less options. Also, many intelligent people value their careers/passions over commitment.

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  • I would say a combination of both. And also physical appearance.

    They nevet find someone because they over think things

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  • Sadly, I'm in that boat. For me, I'm a social butterfly, everyone loves hanging around me but it's all surface level. I'm like a chameleon, I can fit in anywhere, but I have a real hard time relating to others, connecting on emotional levels, & finding topics of mutual interest. I hate to say it, but it's hard to find someone who matches my intellect.

    I would advise anyone to find a partner while in college/grad school, because once you join the workforce it's slim picking lol :)

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    • This describes me right here.

    • It sucks & I often feel like an odd ball, but you're young, take your time in college & explore the divrse population of ladies before you graduate :)

  • I'm still single and even though I don't consider myself dumb I'm smart and I still haven't found any one

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  • This is not true. Plus, not all intelligent and sophisticated people lack social skills. That's a huge mistake. I don't understand people why people claim that.

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    • I don't understand people who claim that*

  • usually lack social skills.

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  • They lack social skills

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What Guys Said 20

  • I think it's lots of factors
    -some very intelligent people I know are unable to disassociate the irrational act of being in love or a relationship with the rational notion that relationships in reality are not really all that intelligent to be involved in
    -some may lack social skills
    -those who are exceptionally intelligent (as has been proven) often fall on the Autism spectrum (this has been seen in the likes of Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Freud and others) which can make interpersonal relationships difficult
    -those who are especially intelligent may also have a strong ambition towards success and places personal relationships behind (in importance) that ambition
    -they may have trouble seeking out a person who they feel is an intellectual match to them, whether a person is intellectually lesser to them or simply have a different and non-compatible intellect

    and I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons. however, there are plenty of incredibly intelligent people who are in happy successful and long lasting relationships

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  • I think it's because smart people are somewhat rare, so it's hard for them to find a partner that they feel would raise them up instead of bring them down. I feel this way a lot.

    I also feel it's because dumb is seen as "cool". Ever since the earliest days of school, this has been true. You're "cool" if you get in trouble, if you refuse to learn, if you make a big deal out of looking like you don't care about anything. Smart people know that what they do and who they are inside counts for more than a tough-guy image. They also know they have too much to lose by acting stupid, but unfortunately, women especially seem to confuse common sense for cowardice. It's messed up.

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    • One female downvote I see... must be another member of the alpha-male tough-guy "rebel" scumbag fan club.

    • This is so true

  • It's hard enough being a needle in a haystack, now you gotta find another needle to love and be with?

    Shit ain't happening anytime soon.

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  • It's because they're in their heads too much, at least from experience.
    They think too much about 'what can go wrong,' trying hard to win someone over instead of just being themselves, or worse, chicken out. They think too much with their head that they forget to feel with their heart.

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  • The more you study, the more you specialize into your realm of knowledge. I'm an economist. I also try to be an economicus - a sub-specie of human who only act in its own interest. I also don't find a lot of things repugnant. I would consider a market for trading human organs a possible solution to people dying waiting for organ transplant problems. I would be pretty incompatible with someone majoring in theology or medicine or engineering. Sure, I can have a partner if I really wanted to but our views would be radically different.

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  • Maybe because love isn't all that common given that dating is usually based on appearance and not the actual character of the person, so as a result, people end up leaving each other later on because their relationship isn't actually based on them. (just their appearance) My guess is that some intelligent people know this, so they just wait and see if they will naturally find themselves in a relationship based on the character from someone that matters to them. (also given the fact that you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy in life)

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  • Yeah it sucks to be mature more then your age, problem is you discover more then your age limit your learning rate increase as you get mature, even if you try to isolate and slow down, your state of maturity it's impossible once to become more intelligent for your age and people around you, to bring your intelligence down, like a one way track... Really find girls of my age around me moron, already getting better involved with people of age around 25...

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  • The thing about intelligent people is that, they don't fall for bullcrap.

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  • They must be career oriented. Lacking the experience, skill and guts to try. Being sophisticated and intelliegent should give them confidence, but I guess its the experience and skills that they lack which withhold them from trying I guess... also if their peers dont have partners, perhaps his peer group influences him from making moves.

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  • Lack social skills.

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  • well girl want guy that party, drink like idiot and hits her.

    when on news it says nice guy hit wife? or smart guy drink lots with many girls?

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  • 1 yes 2 not so much... i always feel like i'm taking advantage of girls. imagine sleeping with a totally hot retard. yeah, single 4 life.

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  • In my case it's because I lack social skills.

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  • Help me with that 😂

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  • probably a lack of social skills combined with to high a standard

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  • I'm not that smart but I'm smarter than most of friends. I know why I'm held back. It's because of my below average social skills and tendency to stay drowned in the things I like.

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  • Because they know too much.

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  • Because it seems that less intelligent people have more luck in life... but you are right about the lack of social skills in intelligent people, most of us have that problem.

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  • Sophisticated is a plus, for men.

    Intelligence, it varies, but I'd say intelligent guys tend to do worse in high school, but better than average by age 30 or so.

    There are a couple reasons for this. One is that they tend to not fit in as well with their high school peers. Another is that they tend to overthink things and screw them up. With experience they can use their intelligence to have -better- game, while their overthinking tends to mean they were bad at using 'instincts'.

    Finally, you'd be surprised how many women actively find it sexy when you're smart.

    I mean not like 'You're so smart, I'd give you a blowjob'.

    Actually I'm lying. I've literally had that happen.

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  • Because you live in the US and everyone around you is getting dumber and dumber. Trumps leading in the polls and people are obsessed with Kim Kardashian.

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