Does he want a 1950's housewife? or am I heartless?

I was dating a guy 13 years my senior, the first time I went to his house (the fourth date) he asked me to peg out his washing whilst he had a bath, I did it... When I came in the house he was sat smoking. I'd spend every weekend there and every time he'd get me to do his chores. I was wearing my new dress and heels and I had to clean his van with him, I had to weed his garden and when I complained of period pains, he moaned at me and said that I pull my face whenever he asks me to do anything?

We'd only just met, there was no romance, I didn't feel special but I lack confidence due to a violent ex so i'd believe him when he said I should be doing things for him... when he came to mine I never asked him to do my chores, things were broken yet I didn't ask him to fix them. I'd get treats in he liked and cook him food yet when we were at his house he'd ask me what is for tea?

I'd lend him money even though he's 40, i'd post him treats through the week and buy him gifts yet he never did. He gave a gift i bought him to his brother then called me negative because I said it hurt me. He'd twist things around saying i'm the negative one and it's always all about me. I started to believe this so stayed with him. I asked to go to the zoo for my birthday and he moaned about £15 entrance fee (I had said i'll pay for me)


Then said 'we're not going in that f***ing resteraunt there because i have no money and I'm not getting you anything from the gift shop' ... we went but he was miserable all day yet text me that night saying 'thanks for today, i'll go to sleep thinking of you and the monkeys'... this is what confused me, he'd occasionally be sweet. His house was a mess and always had lots of bottles of off milk.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I really don't think 1950's house wives were this way. What you have my dear is an opportunist, someone who is preying on your weakness and your low self-esteem. He's using you because he's a crappy person. You've just traded one abusive relationship for the other. You need to leave him and focus on yourself. You don't need a relationship right now because it's clear you don't know what a healthy one looks like. Spend how ever long it takes to be alone and learn to love yourself and have some dignity. Get some back bone, you're allowing yourself to be a walking doormat.

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    • I wrote a lot more but it has cut it off. I did dump him but he's making out it's all me, trying to make me feel sorry for him because he hasn't been paid at work, saying he's had a bad week etc. Thinking that will win me back? That's why I dumped him! He still insists he's the most laid back guy on earth and that he's positive and i'm negative. He does ecstasy and cocaine at his age and smokes like a chimney yet complained when I tried to cuddle him that he couldn't breathe. He wouldn't cuddle after sex, he said men don't. my ex's did! I met him in a dating site and he put no to smoking and drugs then whrn I found out he did drugs and got upset cos i'm anti drugs, he said i'm immature and judgmental. His house was always a mess and he'd have like 8 off milk bottles in his fridge. He said his ex's dumped him cos they expected the man to do stuff. Why can't he see it? I want him to see it's him and not me!

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    • And no you don't need the affection of others, the only person you need to be intimate with and emotionally invested in is yourself. If you can't do that then you aren't capable of something healthy with someone else.

    • Hey, thanks for the MHO. I wish you the absolute best in everything.

What Guys Said 3

  • I hate guys like that, the bigger an ass he is the more women want them. nice guys in this world don't stand a chance. you need to find someone else

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  • Sounds like an ultimate lack of confidence if you let him walk all over you that way. You need to dump his ass, get out and do some activities to meet some new people.

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  • how do guys like this even get girls?

    why did you date him in the first place?

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    • I don't know. He is ugly and I'm far from it. Lack of confidence i guess

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    • I was not just with him for sex!!! He twisted it all round on me... prayed on my insecurities and made me feel like a bad person because I 'pulled my face whenever he asked me to do anything' (his chores... that i still did) ... Idon't feel good enough for decent guys

    • Well then I guess you are even more pathetic
      You are aware of this and yet you continue to let yourself get used over petty insecurities smh...

      Have courage! What happened to your dignity? Leave him, be strong

What Girls Said 2

  • Wow, he sounds miserable! I don't know how anyone can expect you to do everything for them, buy them things, then complain when you ask for something in return.

    in my opinion you need to stop seeing this guy if you haven't already. He's no good.

    Don't mistake his occasional sweetness as love. He is trying to save face. You are doing so much for him, yet what is he doing for you?

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    • I already dumped him. Thanks... I down voted on my stupid touch screen bybaccident whilst trying to vote up ^... :(

  • Are you kidding me LMAO? Dump his retard ass and you're stupid for actually doing his shit for him smh. Have some respect

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    • I was stupid. He took my confidence. Made out as if I was in the wrong for pulling my face when he asked me to do anything. ... and I believed him

    • Screw him (not literally). Tell him to fukk off and call him a 'bitch' for effect :). I know it's childish but make him jealous af. Show him how strong you CAN be without picking up after his crap. Ugh I really hate guys like that

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